I’ve [25M] have been with my partner [25f] for a few years now and the relationship is great, in theory. She treats me amazingly and is perfectly patient and loving. I, however don’t feel any patience for her any more. I’m bored and short with her in a way that she is totally not deserving of. When we have sex, it feels like I’m going through the motions. We do it often but more as routine than anything else. I mostly feel like I could also just go to sleep. This is weird for me as I have a massive sex drive and I feel a strong physical urge to look at and touch and talk to other women I meet in public all the time. This is so dramatically contrasted with my girlfriend it’s ridiculous. I can’t look at her and feel like she’s super sexy any more. In the past my feelings waxed and waned, but lately it’s dropped off dramatically. The issue is that nothing is wrong at all in any way with the relationship. My friends say we’re the perfect couple, and we’re so incredibly compatible. So much so that I’m considering marrying her, because I see a comfortable and happy future with her. She’s literally perfect. But I don’t FEEL for her any more. There’s no spark that pulls me to her physically. It’s like there’s no chemistry. Is this just normal for long term partners? I’m afraid to stay like this but I’m also afraid to lose her.
Tl;dr I don’t know if my lack of feelings for my perfect partner is normal/worth acting on.
2 comments
Maintaining intimacy is hugely important. I’m the kind of bloke who’s honestly never really been able to fully enjoy casual sex. The best sexual experiences are when you are deeply intimate with someone. That said, maybe there’s something other than sex in your relationship that has dulled your intimacy. For me, early on in my current relationship, there was a serious boundary crossed by my girlfriend and she was unable to fully take accountability or understood why it was such a big deal. That meant there was this wedge between us that was disrupting our intimacy until she was able to recognise her fault, and so I had periods like you’re describing now. Once you work out whatever thing there is that is unresolved and damaging your relationhship dynamic, you can get back to being close again and the spark will come back. Ultimately, as a man I have to feel respected to be intimate with someone. When I feel like I receive that, I am fully into my girl in all areas.
Basically, what I’m saying is, try to figure out if there is an issue like that which might be affecting your feelings of intimacy toward her, and then address that which could bring the spark back if you are both able to communicate productively about it. That way you won’t have to raise the issue of sex at all, because it could be just a symptom of that other thing which will automatically addressed by fixing the other thing.
She’s not perfect for you then. Sex is a very emotional thing honestly. Don’t downplay this, as our sexual feelings for someone indicate a lot.
I think you need to diagnose why your attraction to her is gone and be honest. Don’t judge yourself. Does she actually look good to you? Again, don’t be PC, this is your life. Next, do you find her interesting intellectually and emotionally? If not, then you have a stale cracker of a relationship and the sex is the least of your issues.