Need some advice here. So, I’ve been seeing this guy (26M) me (25F) for about a week, and everything is going well. But there’s just this one little thing that’s been bugging me – it seems like he’s always got sex on his mind.
I’m all for a healthy sex life, but initially I’m more about building an emotional connection first. I’d prefer to talk first and get to know each other better, I told him I feel better attracted when I am emotionally attached to the person: Every time I try to steer our conversations in that direction, he quickly shifts to sex, asking for dirty talk and pictures. I’ve told him that I want to take it slow and connect on a deeper level before diving into anything physical, and he says he gets it and is willing to wait, but he keeps circling back.
I don’t think he quite understands that I’m not into dirty talk this early in the game. I prefer to keep things less explicit, especially in the early stages of a relationship. He’s a great guy in many other ways, but this aspect is starting to bother me. Should I consider ending things with him? Or is there a way to help him understand where I’m coming from? Thanks for your input! 🤔
P.s I am a Demi- romantic (someone who feels romantic feelings for someone only after they have built a emotional bond or connection with them) and I have been clear to the guy about my sexual orientation from day one.
20 comments
As a man I would always be extra carefull to not cross boundaries. You express clearly what you want and he seems to not care that much. I think you should think twice if he worth the shot.
He’s thinking, “yeah blah blah” when you say you want to take it slow and he’s trying to wear you down.
It’s not a “men” thing so much as a “this man” thing. One week and he’s asking for dirty talk and pictures? He’s just a sleaze. Move on, find a man who isn’t sex-obsessed
Tell him that you aren’t interested in a sexual relationship outside of marriage. You will probably see him run for the hills. I’ll bet that’s all he wants.
A rule of thumb I always try and tell people to go by is that when you express to the person you’re currently seeing that you’d rather wait and feel more comfortable before being intimate, their response should be nothing but positive and supportive of your choice as it shows they care more about you as a person rather than what you can give them.
Any response that’s obviously negative and/or pushy (even if it’s playful), kick them to the curb, they will only want you for one thing.
Omg run for the hills! He is only after one thing.
Tell him you are waiting until you are married to sleep with a man.
He will disappear because he only wants sex.
Based on one person this goes for all men?
Men aren’t a hivemind. Choose better.
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Sounds like a slimy piece of shit, find someone who isn’t
You should avoid men who are pushing your boundaries and not respecting what you told them when dating. If they can’t do that then they aren’t for you and you should never compromise.
Also this situation where for one specific person, there are men who will do the same way of dating as you.
Cause that is the only place we get validated
As the rest of the dating process usually is woman holding us at arm lengrh and not reallyy giving much of herself other than small talk and “getting to know one another”
If that is the one quality that bothers you and he is great other than that maybe that’s how he reacts to slightly uncomfortable situations but I would try talking to him and telling him how that kinda talk makes you feel and that it’s not unwanted necessarily but it makes you uncomfortable in this stage of the relationship. If he continues after that it’s a good sign he is just a douche and you should end it🤷🏻♂️
Find another
I’d say: it’s been only a week and he’s already not respecting your boundaries, just tell him you’re not compatible and move on
Sounds like a guy who is misaligned about sex.
it’s unfortunately very common today and the guys don’t even know it.
too much access to porn/IG “models” and the cultural sense that sex is the most important, should be available at anytime, kind of relationships.
he may even have a lot of girls on the go at the same time, jumping from one to the other based on sexual access.
or he could even have deemed that the relationship isn’t something he really wants but would like to hook up.. essentially making you a fWB without you knowing.
only thing you can do is have a good heart to heart.. tell him you appreciate him, want to build something stronger than just sex and this requires sometime and means not just jumping to sex conversations or doing anything physical that you are the type of person who wants to take it slow.
if he’s willing to do that, great, if not then move one.
Either you didnt communicate that well enough or hes just a dick. More likley the second option. Guys are often more willing to sleep with someone without a deeper connection and can build one after from my experiance but he should have respected your bounderies
A lot of women are horny as well
Don’t diminish this. It’s not a little thing. He understand very well what you’re saying and is trying to wear you down until you do what HE wants.
If he’s really bugging you for it this early OP. He’s not interested in an enduring relationship. Just a wham, bang, thank you ma’am no thing. Move in and don’t look back. Good luck. ❤️