So I’ve been seeing this guy where we both gave off signs that we are not looking for anything serious. And we are not in love.
We had sex after couple of dates. When we went on dates he gave off vibes that he was kinda wild and dominant in bed. He is a hella masculine and fit guy.
But our real sex was super intimate and intense. Not like the wild sex I did imagine with him. He was very passionate, intense and intimate the whole time. We had such slow sex where he was always on missionary position. He is a bit dominant by nature but was super gentle and that surprised me cos he was not the person in bed I thought he would be when I was getting to know him.
He constantly asked me to look into his eyes during sex. And he was kissing and licking my face the whole time calling me beautiful.
He snuggled up and asked me to spoon with him after the sex, and he was very interested to talk about how he felt about it. He even went an other round.
He told me that this was one of the most intimate sexual experience he have had in the last so many years.
I left soon after cos he would also not stop cuddling and talking. And also I didn’t want to sleep at his place, cos we are not really dating.
How can men have sex like this without having any real feelings for the other person? I am happy about the experience, but I’m also genuinely curios.
8 comments
99% chance your instinct is correct and he’s catching feelings for you. It’s normal to have feelings for the person you are being intimate with. We are hardwired for it.
Sex isn’t just the immediate physical act of foreplay / penetration / whatever leading to orgasm. It’s the whole package. If I’m willing to “casually” let someone take my penis into themselves, then *of course* I’m willing to -just as casually- snuggle them and hold them. Casual sex is still *fuckin’ sex*. It’s eye contact, it’s conversation, it’s checking in. If that isn’t the baseline you’ve had for sex up until this point, I’m glad you’re having it now.
None of that means it’s more than what it is though; it’s still “casual”. It’s casual compared to dating, monogamy, meeting each others parents…. that doesn’t mean it’s just “insert tab A into slot B”.
Get while the getting’s good. Let this sex be the sex you measure up to in the future.
Y’all don’t seem like you’re being clear about the situationship. No bueno.
Maybe take the W (with the nice sex), and follow protocols so you don’t get feelings, bc it sounds like you’re both in that territory:
Sex once a month. No cuddling after, no sleep over. See others as a rule.
Basically these:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/comments/shlems/reids_casual_sex_protocols/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/comments/shlems/reids_casual_sex_protocols/)
and
[https://www.gq.com/story/6-unspoken-rules-of-casual-sex](https://www.gq.com/story/6-unspoken-rules-of-casual-sex)
Take care
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If you aren’t wedded to the idea of this being NSA sex/casual, fucking start talking now. Get it all cleared up.
Dude, keep this guy around!!!!!
This is peak friend sex vibe. This is how you fuck when you like somebody. Any “catching feeling” vibes that arrive turn them around and give to yourself/ encourage him to do the same.
This is “I love the way you make me feel” sex.
Holy grail, babe.
I’m having the same right now. He’s unbelievable in bed- I knew he would be. Most of the time it’s missionary and so sensual I can barely handle it. He physically can please me in so many different ways all at the same time. I’ve never experienced that before. His stares into me.
Difference? We’re in love and I would go as far to say twin flame/soul mates.
If you’re having that type of sex… be careful… but not too careful 😊 it’s wonderful
I had almost this exact same scenario and after our first few “dates” we clarified that it was strictly friendship and sex based on the places we both were in life; we enjoyed that for three years. It was incredible super intimate sex, he’s still by far the best I’ve ever had and I’ve had 20 or so partners. I moved out of state for the next five years but once or twice a year we’d meet up and have sex, always phenomenal and so intimately connected. But truly we were just friends, did not have romantic feelings for him and did not want a relationship with each other, nor did either one of us catch feelings or have jealousy or anything. We both dated other people, and were very honest with them about our sexual relationship.
Fast forward five years I moved back, we were both single, started hooking up again. A few years later, after mind blowing sex one afternoon, he almost jokingly said we should get married because I don’t know if I’ll ever have a connection with anyone as good as I have with you. I agreed and we started seriously thinking about it, and a few months later… we did! We’ve been married almost five years now and still have fantastic sex.
Sometimes we look at each other like.. how did we end up here? And why are we so happy? Are we even in love with each other? Lol it’s like we never really even dated or ever imagined life with each other but our marriage is somehow so perfect and wonderful? Anyway just a personal anecdote, it took 15 years, but somehow our primal instincts figured it out for us I guess.
ETA: I do think it’s possible to not catch feelings, from personal experience. I didn’t, at all, for a very long time, and I truly don’t think he did either. But in retrospect, I do believe it’s difficult for something that intimate to continue long term without it turning into something more. Even if only subconsciously, it affects any “serious” relationship prospect that may come up along the way. So I’d just be open with each other about where you are both at if you continue to see each other.
This is good sex and sexual experience for most men. It can be one of the only times we get to feel loved, valued, good and let some barriers/masks down.
That guy would move mountains for you now, if you gave him that experience regularly and kept his spirits up he go to the ends of the earth for you and count it a privilage to get to know you
Feelings can change. Sometimes we play with feelings to see how f they’re real.