What adversity or “growing pain” have you gone through that you’re proud you did?

19 comments

1. I’ve completed two master’s degrees, both while working. The second one I had kids so I did pretty much all the work for the degree between 10pm and midnight over four years.

2. Around 27, I went through a horrific breakup and started my first soul-crushing nightmare office job at the same time. I went from *believing* that love is all we need and dreams come true to *understanding* that everything in this life is for sale and you can have only what you can afford.

   There are no breaks. There are no days off. Whether it be for your wife or your boss or your kids, the singing and dancing never ends. Always. Forever.

3. I’ve very recently realized that my childhood was very much not normal, and that things that happened to me as a kid have continued to affect me very negatively into adulthood. It feels like I’ve opened my eyes for the first time and that my mind makes sense to me.

   My new challenge is dealing with my parents who are oblivious to their effects on me.

4. Military service.

   Hated every fucking second of it (boot camp was actually the easiest part!). And no, it didn’t make me a better person (worse, actually). Rather, it financially set me up for life courtesy of the GI Bill (no student loans) and VA loans (no money down to buy a house).

   Regardless, there’s a certain amount of pride associated with making it through with sanity intact.

5. I grew up in a small town that has a lot of problems. Growing up there, you aren’t supposed to ever leave, ever think of leaving, and if somebody does it is assumed that they hate their family or they are a horrible person that thinks they are better than everyone.

   Not many people went to college. Most guys my age drive an hour or more every morning to get to a manual labor job, since there are no jobs in the town.

   Just an overall cult-like atmosphere.

   I moved away from there after college, and didn’t have any help from anyone. My parents wouldn’t even let me have the hand-me-down bed I had in my bedroom.

   When I got married, only my parents came out of my entire extended family. In fact, my extended family wouldn’t even reply to the wedding invitations.

   Most people would have caved to the cult-like pressure. And it was hard moving to a new place when I didn’t know anybody, didn’t have a bed or other furniture. (Just a $50 used futon from my college roommate)

   But I did it. Family still doesn’t like me. But I got out into the world and have a happy life. I’ve got the wife, house, and two dogs. We travel often, and are financially secure.

   I ate a lot of ramen to get here, and had a lot of lonely nights. But it was worth it.

6. Getting a divorce. I never thought I would be a divorced man when I was 31, but it has been one of the most challenging, but positive growth experiences I’ve ever had.

   Prior to the divorce, I was in a very stagnant place and it has pushed me to understand what I needed to be a better partner, friend and human in general.

7. Getting my money situation straight at 25.

   I worked a full time job at an insurance co., and found a part time job at Walmart as a cashier to pay off my credit cards and student loans, I worked 60-80 hours a week for a year straight and didn’t spend a cent on anything that brought me joy. Plus the embarrassment of seeing someone I work with during the day still makes me cringe.

   It’s the best decision I ever made and I am a better person for it.

8. Finally gave in and mutually ended a 6 year relationship with someone I loved (and they loved me). We both knew it wouldn’t work out in the long run. Glad we didn’t get married like we discussed. We both just grew apart and wanted different things over time. It’s amazing how much you change between 23 and 30.

   It taught me that sometimes you can have a great relationship/do everything well together and sometimes things just won’t work out. This doesn’t mean it’s your fault, or theirs. No one will ever stand up for you (or your happiness) but yourself and you should never light yourself on fire to keep others warm.

   My next adversity/growing pain is learning how to date again at 30, after being out of it for so long. I completely forgot how to flirt lmao.

9. None, tbh. Almost all were fruitless and/or not worth the suffering ratio.

   Currently hoping that changes.

10. Given the way you phrased it (adversity + I chose it + I was proud of having done it), nothing comes to mind. And that’s OK.

11. Doing a PhD. When I started it, I thought it was going to be like my MSc. but just longer. Oh, was I mistaken. It has been the most difficult thing I have done in my life. I worked on one subject 10 to 12 hours a day, 6 to 7 days a week. It felt like I was in a pressure cooker for 5 years. I aged twice as fast, and I had several burnouts along the way, but I was just not allowed to stop. It is like going to Navy Seals training but for your brain.

    Now I look back and I can appreciate how much it changed me. It definitely made me extremely strong both emotionally and mentally. But the pain is intense and far beyond anything I ever went through. The way I see it now, when you start a PhD, there are only three outcomes: you quit, you implode, or you thrive.

12. 6 – 9 months of reactive arthritis (autoimmune disease) a few years ago. I didn’t know physical pain that awful existed until then. I couldn’t even lie down at my worst without feeling pain every direction I turned. It also caused some PTSD which I ended up soothing with lots of alcohol for a few months…until I had a morning where I realized I was going nowhere good fast. Cut to 6 months or so later…I am as healthy as can be and competing in my first jiu-jitsu tournament (placed 3rd). A complete 360 from where my health had been a year before from that date, both physical and mental.

13. Quitting alcohol after being a heavy drinker for a decade and physically dependent for a year.

14. In my mid twenties I had two dead end jobs and while there I had a big soccer injury that i should have gone to the hospital for but didn’t because I couldn’t afford it. I quit my jobs the next day and struggled for the two years. I got a job that eventually turned permanent while I had a penny in savings and $0.37 in my checking. I borrows money from my mom to cover rent. From there I went on to become debt free, worked in the legal, financial and insurance fields, travelled the world bought a house and a now married and doing well. I still have a screenshot of my 0.37 as a reminder of where I came from. Never give up.

15. I think this year might be it! In the last 12 months we’ve got married, relocated to the other end of the country, learned to drive, suffered a miscarriage and been made redundant, in a city where I have barely any industry contacts. It never rains but it pours, as the saying goes. A lot of love and getting into long-distance running has kept me sane and I’ve developed a much more resilient and grateful mindset as a result of everything this year has thrown at me!

16. I have 2 big ones

    1. I was kicked out of college and lied to my parents and everyone about graduating. Worse than a dropout who voluntarily stops going, I was kicked out due to terrible grades. At that point I’ve attended college for a total of 5 years, that includes part time semesters, F’s and D’s that didn’t count, and academic probation. I already caused my parents so much stress and embarrassment and didn’t have the balls to tell them. So I bought a fake degree online and had it sent to my parents house to look like it was real and they totally believed it. I told them I didn’t care about going to the graduation ceremony because all my friends had already graduated. But in reality I WOULD’VE KILLED to be up walking on stage in that stupid cap and gown. Long story short, that failure motivated the hell out of me to bust my ass and not defined as a college flunk out. I worked my way up the corporate ladder in organizations where EVERYBODY had at least 2 degrees. But I NEVER lied to my employers.
    2. Divorce. At 33 I thought I made it and my life is set. I had a great job and being a college flunkout was FAR behind me, I married my longtime girlfriend, and life seemed great. Then not even 2 years into being married our marriage fell apart. It just felt like I’ve busted my ass all these years for nothing. We were supposed to be starting a family, instead I was alone, single, and nobody to talk to. But once I got over the initial wave of grief I started dating for the first time ever in my life. It was awesome to realize that women actually like me for who I am and I don’t have to bend over backwards or change myself for someone else. Post divorce I had less financial responsibility to support my exwife and her terrible personal finance and possibly future children. So I took the risk, quit my 9-5, and went fulltime in my sidegig. Long story short I grossed over 500k in my business which probably wouldn’t have been possible if I stayed married.

    I could write whole essays on these 2 growing pains. I’d never say the cliche “I’d never change things because it has made me into the man I am today” because I totally would change things. I wish I would’ve graduated and at the time I really wanted my marriage to work. But looking back I am really proud of how I bounced back in the face of failure and adversity.

17. Drank from 13 to 40 and severe opiate addiction on and off.

    Hit the lowest of the low of my life at 40, lowest of the low, didn’t think I would live to get out of it, nor did I want to get out of it. I was ready to die.

    Went to rehab, took AA seriously, been a year and I’m happier and more fulfilled than ever and see the joy and positive in almost every day.

    I’ve never been happy, fleeting moments or days here and there, but I thought I was naturally grumpy and saw the negative in everything. Assumed that was just my DNA. Turns out, it’s not at all.

18. Getting divorced to a psychopath, which cost me a lot, before I developed true wealth.. it’s a warning to all men who plan to or are in the process of a successful career. There is 0 benefit to legal marriage, not the taxes, not the power of attorney, given that the wife can cheat, take half, take your kids, rip your paychecks in half, etc.

    Do your best job screening your soul mate. My wife now is fully content with being married through each other, instead of through a legal document, in which the court decides how my hard work gets allocated – if betrayed. Everything we do financially has independent contracts and accounts that reflect growth from when we started, instead of cutting into my stuff before her.

19. Mid 20s I was nearing backruptcy. Laid off during great recession, bills piling up, etc. Began renting out spare bedrooms. Was starting to look up food pantries. I made it, didn’t foreclose. It was like a crash course in money.

    Since then my salary has gone up a bunch and I think I appreciate money much more. Wife and I are in 7 figures territory. But now way I’d appreciate as much if someone just handed me 7 figures in my 20s if I hadn’t really struggled.