I’m (25f) currently 26 weeks pregnant.. my boyfriend (31m) and I have had communication issues for a while where he feels I’m a nag and shuts down whenever I try to address issues I feel we have and we never get anything solved, he feels they are my issues alone. Well the last straw for me has been that we finally got some extra money which helps because we have been struggling financially for a while and he saw this as an opportunity to buy a ps5.. I would have wanted to save that money to start building up our savings or buy a car because I don’t want t to be carless by the time the baby comes but regardless I would have enjoyed for both of us t you come up with the most beneficial way to use the extra money and I feel he chose himself over his family. We are currently struggling again I don’t know how certain bills are going to get paid and he feels he has everything under control when we clearly don’t, his mother has no it contacted me majority of the whole pregnancy which has led me to feel a bit salty and thought she would have checked on me to see if I needed anything, my parents are financially unstable and always have been and live too far to really help me and I don’t know who to talk to or where to turn
TL;DR
My boyfriend bought a ps5 which I feel was reckless considering we have a baby on the way and are struggling financially, I don’t know who to talk to about this.
13 comments
Something to consider is has he always been this way with finances? If so, you have to take this as an opportunity to understand and be mindful of his spending habits since you will be having a child with him. You need to discuss this with him and make things clear, or decide other decisions on your pregnancy ( such as if you will be a single mom etc whatever you want). Think about the long run as well, especially if this is a pattern. You don’t want to have a father spending money that was meant for the baby on meaningless, materialistic things.
Sell it on Facebook while he’s not home and pay your bills. And uhm, leave this man.
Checked your profile a bit and saw that you have been having problems with your boyfriend for a while. So, I have two genuine questions for you:
1) Why did you decide to bring a child into all this mess? A child **never** fixes the issues a couple has, it only makes it worse. Or did you expect the moment you are pregnant he will somehow transform to the great partner and future dad you dreamt of? He doesn’t seem to care about you, let alone your future child. Did he even want to become a father?
2) Why are you with someone that constantly makes you feel like you are dramatic, overeacting? Someone who thinks you are just someone who nags all the time? Someone who think the problems in the relationship are just yours to deal with? Someone who doesn’t respect you or love you the way you deserve it?
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Leave him. Leave him now before you end up working fulltime and being a single mom anyway. If he’s this way now it’s going to be even worse once you have a needy baby.
You are already a single mother. You think you guys are in it together but the way you describe it. You are already a single mother . stop expecting him to become supportive. he doesn’t see you as a family.
let me repeat it to you again.
You 👏 are👏 already👏 a 👏single 👏 mother. 👏
just leave girl. no matter what you do. you are already a single mother. just leave.stop expecting him to be a family man. stop forcing it on him.
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for everyone suggesting abortion – 26 weeks, unless there are health issues with mom or fetus, is basically past the point
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I forgot to mention I stopped working 2 weeks ago as a traveling fixture installer to stay home and find a job easier on my body, I start my new job in a day
I’m a bit horrified at some of these comments. Telling a pregnant woman to have an abortion is not okay. OP, your circumstances are obviously not ideal but all you can do now is to move forward as best you can. You need to leave this man. He has no interest in being a father and you deserve so much better than him. You can do this.
When you say your parents aren’t stable, what do you mean? Are they financially unstable? Do they move a lot? Are there substance abuse or mental health issues? If there aren’t any glaring problems I’m just wondering if you might be best to move home, if your parents are able to help with the baby. You wouldn’t have to live with them forever, just long enough to put some money together and find yourself an affordable place to rent. As a sole parent you’ll need a good support network and your parents might be a very good start.
If your parents are not an option, get on the internet and find out what support is available in your area for sole parents. There will be organisations that can help with affordable housing and provide general support for pregnant women in circumstances like yours. Reach out. The help is out there. x
OP, you now accept this is a disaster, so I won’t get into that. Combined with past posts/comments, that’s clear. The PS3 is a symptom of your problems with your bf.
What I do want to say is that all of your time, energy, and effort from now on should be focused on you, the baby, and your exit plan. Nothing should deter you from this. It shouldn’t matter if your bf promises things will be different. Who cares – talk is cheap, and it only hurts you and your baby to believe his false words. It shouldn’t matter if your bf makes some changes – it’s too little, too late and it would likely be temporary anyway. It doesn’t matter if he cries, if he gets angry, if he shows you some affection, whatever.
You need to make sure your new paychecks are deposited in your own separate account. I don’t know if you have shared bank accounts, but you need to separate your money from his. It’s crucial to be in complete control the resources you need in your exit plan.
You cannot count on him. Your baby cannot count on him. You need to focus on being in a physical and mental place that allows you to provide for your child and understand exactly what resources are available to you to do that. Being with your bf is just going to be constant disappointment and stress where he knows if he doesn’t do something, you will take care of it while you are under constant stress of having no safety net and taking care of a baby and a second child masquerading as a grown-ass adult.
Staying with your parents doesn’t have to be permanent. I see that they are financially unstable, but as long as they can help you with a roof over your head and you are working so you can decrease that instability a little bit by paying them some rent while the rest goes to you and your baby, that’s going to give you the runway you need to being more independent. Leverage public resources as much as you can. You can do this! Just don’t fold and waffle back and forth about your lump of a boyfriend. It’ll set you back in your exit plan, and frankly, you don’t have time to waste.
If your bf cleans up his act and consistently shows he is a good father down the line, OK, sure. But you can’t believe in potential he isn’t living up to. You can only believe he is reliably contributing once he’s been doing so for a long period of time.
Wait. You guys don’t have a car? I’m all for buying a gaming system, but if you don’t have a car and a baby is on the way that’s pretty negligent on his part. You’re going to need a ride to the hospital to give birth. You’re going to need a ride to go to check ups. This just shows where his priorities are. Family is after his own selfish needs.