I have been dating a woman for around a month now. We have been on three dates, our fourth one is tonight.
She barely texts. The only time we really talk is in person. We have had good conversations in person and I even made her laugh on the third date.
I asked her on the third date if she was comfortable with a kiss. She said she was uncomfortable with it and preferred to wait a little longer, which I was fine with. She was even less comfortable with sex.
I’m concerned I’m just being used and she’s not genuinely interested, but she is accepting date proposals when I ask her out.
Anyone have any advice? I think we should have at least had a small kiss by now. We have hugged.
Update: we held hands on the fourth date. I gave her a gift, and we went out to eat. Things seemed to be going okay. I asked her out again for next week and she accepted (she responded late)
20 comments
Everyone is different. I’m not going to be one of those guys who says: you’re not dating, you’re just feeding her. However, it’s not looking good for a romantic relationship. Lack of texting or any progress towards physical intimacy aren’t signs of great chemistry.
Dude, she’s just not that into you; quit being a desperate fuck and find someone who’s as eager to jump your bones as you are theirs. Don’t be someone’s back-up plan.
Probably time to move on. If it was just her not being ready to be intimate that’s one thing but she doesn’t initiate conversations….yeah she’s probably just not feeling it. I don’t think you’re being used necessarily but I do think she’s just maybe too shy to tell you how she really feels. Best to just let it dissipate.
Before you call it quits, don’t you have the responsibility to literally just ask her all this and not make any assumptions?
“hey, it’s been a fun few dates. I’m interested in continuing this, but you seem to be pulling away when I try to kiss you and I’m getting the vibe you may not be totally interested. Am I wrong here?”
You’ll know the answer and move on…. But STOP making assumptions. Talk. Speak. Communicate. (Not with us, with her!)
I am going to go against the grain, and tell you that I have slept/dated multiple women who barely texted.
Some were literally too busy, and some were just not that into texting.
What I did was just be patient. I didn’t care they didn’t text much because I don’t like texting either. It was a win-win.
Use texts to set up dates. Take her to good dates, focus on having fun, and don’t be too stuck up on kissing or getting laid. If she looked like she had fun, ask if she wants some wine (or whatever excuse) back at home. If she says yes, then have some wine (or whatever you have ready), have some fun and interesting conversations, and if it feels like shes into you and want a kiss, then go for a kiss and see what happens from there. If she rejects your kiss, she’s not ready. If she says no to your place, then she’s not ready.
My bonus opinion, start dating another, just in case. She hasn’t committed to you, so you are in no absolute obligation to be exclusive with her. It will also keep your mind off of her, and women can read that shit like a book, and she will start chasing you.
A woman that wants to talk in person instead of text sounds amazing. The women I’ve seen of late are living a relationship between them and their phone more than with me.
She might be stressed, getting out of old relationships, demisexual or an ace, genuinely uninterested in you, or just preferring to take things slow. I honestly think there are no shoulds in the pace of relationships. There are many options, you won’t know until you ask.
I’m sorry, but date 3 before they even laugh isn’t a strong sign
Man sorry to hear all the issues here, and there could be reasons for all this. Maybe she was SA’d in the past, or maybe she is just not into being sexual. However, this is a woman that I wouldn’t be interested in anymore (the lack of physical intimacy, and lack of messaging)…I would want a woman who intiates more…especially after 3 dates. I’d go ahead and go on this 4th date, as it’s already planned out. I wouldnt even bring up the issue you’re having, and then just go from there…but, after this date, I’d back off messaging her (mainly bc it should be more like 60/40, or 50/50 by this point), and see what she does….if you don’t ever hear from her again, then you have your answer.
It just seems to me that you both are incompatiable…you’re kind of looking for more right now, and she isn’t willing to be there….
If she still agree to see you, I’d take that as a good sign. I personally don’t like texting and would prefer in person conversation. Maybe she’s the same. You can just ask her what her preferred method of communication. Not everyone likes to have conversations on text messages.
If she doesn’t want a kiss after 3 dates, she is not that into you. Sorry.
As a woman, I feel like she could have bad experiences with guys just using her for sex, which is why she wants to wait longer before being physical. Could also be watching a lot of TT videos telling women to hold off intimacy to determine of the guy is keen to know her, and to make in-person connection vs texting so much to create a false illusion of a partner.
If you’re just out to have sex with her, and you’re not willing to respect her boundaries, then maybe she is not the right person for you.
To me, it doesn’t sound like she is making use of you to pay for her if she is suggesting places like a dive bar near her place (from your other comments). If she really was after free meals, she’ll be going to three Michelin star restaurants.
Have sex than leave if she doesn’t want a FWB. You are going on dates not your girlfriend
Yes stop wasting your time
Stop wasting your time on this woman
Are you paying for everything?
If so, you arent dating her, youre her sugar daddy
As a woman, I have been told so many times that if I have sex early in a relationship the guy will assume I’m easy and leave. She might have heard the same.
It sound like she wants to get to know you really well before pursuing something sexual. And with 3 dates going on 4 that’s not a lot of time to get to know someone, just be patient and allow her to see that you can be trusted
Who’s paying for these dates? It should be 50/50. If not, then you guys aren’t dating, she’s using you for free meals/entertainment.
If the girl wants to go slow and not have intimacy somewhat quick then that’s all fine as long as she’s pulling heir weight when it comes to dates (paying for half, planning some of them).
Are you paying for these dates? That’s an important question.
Have an open conversation about expectations and see where it goes.