I was stalking my bf’s instagram following and noticed that he’s been liking thirst traps of this one girl who went to his hs after we started dating.
It’s making me uncomfortable especially because I’m pretty insecure about my body and this girl definitely has a better one than mine.
I want to bring this up with him, but I’m scared he’ll think of me as possessive and overreacting (also the fact that I was stalking his Insta).
Am I overreacting? Also how can I bring this up with him naturally?
40 comments
I think it’s an overreaction, yeah. It’s not like he’s following a model or lowkey porn, it’s just a girl from his high school days. And whether he likes it or doesn’t, the result is the same unless you ask him to remove her completely.
This would personally be a dealbreaker for me
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Theorem: for any girl that looks good there will always be a girl that looks better. But it doesn’t mean a guy who has a gf will go for another girl just for the way she looks.
Also, I think you find other guys attractive too. Reacting/not reacting to their posts doesn’t change anything in bad or in good.
If he liking this kinda of pics next he will cheat on you if he really likes you he wouldn’t likes those things.
Set some clear boundaries and see how he responds. I don’t like x y and z because it makes me feel a b and c. Advocate for yourself. How will your partner be able to show up for you when they don’t know when they cross a boundary or a personal insecurity you’re willing to work on.
Also don’t fall so quick into your insecurities by watching his social media like that. You’re looking to hurt yourself along the way so dong be upset when you start to spiral out in your head. Work on it for yourself and with your partner so you can grow together. If he truly cares he will hear you out and adjust accordingly. Obviously within reason but overall don’t beat yourself up. If he didnt like you or find you attractive then he wouldn’t be with you. So kick back work on it together and see how y’all blossom 🙂
Good luck <3
Firstly, there is nothing inherently wrong with what he’s doing, especially if you have not established a boundary with him that expresses your discomfort with him liking those kinds of photos. I would try and start the conversation by letting him know that you’d like to discuss boundaries/behavior that you consider disrespectful or makes you uncomfortable. I had this issue with my boyfriend. He didn’t know he was doing anything wrong because I never voiced my concern. He didn’t want to to hurt my feelings, so he stopped following/liking pics like that. I also discovered I was doing things too that made him feel hurt in that manner. So I adjusted my actions in turn.
It’s important to remain calm and also make sure it’s a two sided discussion. That way he can have the opportunity to voice his own personal boundaries with you as well, in order to keep things fair.
As a dude, just because I like a girl’s pic doesn’t mean I’m trying to sleep with her. Plus, it’s social media so it’s not that much of a big deal.
Yeah I’m gonna say being a married man for 17 yrs and being a shitty one in the beginning set boundaries for what’s important to you! If those are broken or compromised than ask yourself if that’s something you want. My marriage ended with a guy becoming friends with my wife on Facebook. It’s not innocent and eventually our thoughts will turn into actions.
I don’t think it’s an overreaction to express your discomfort in a calm and communicative manner. Trust your gut girl x
My ex bf did this and said I was overthinking it & being ridiculous , turns out he was sexting a bunch of girls and u didn’t find out until 3 years later.
Just have the conversation with him about it. He either respects you enough to stop or he doesn’t.
Tell him it makes you uncomfy. If he matters at all he’ll stop or at the minimum be apologetic for upsetting you.
Relationships only work when boundaries are put in place.
You find it uncomfortable and disrespectful when your boyfriend likes purposeful attention seeking photos girls put up on instagram.
You’re not overreacting and your feelings are 100% valid. Liking those kind of photos shows he’s being entertained by other females bodies.
If he gives excuses such as ;
‘You’re just being insecure’
‘I’m not doing anything wrong’
‘She’s just a friend’
‘It’s just a like, you’re overreacting’
Then hunny, he doesn’t respect you at all and I suggest you break it off.
However, If he’s the one for you, he will listen and respect your concerns and will put a stop to those likes.
Good luck with the chat!
Tell him what you feel about it. I think your feelings are totally valid and you’re not insecure. It’s one thing to look at attractive people, and it’s another to actually interact with them when you’re in a relationship – especially when you’ve known the person from before.
I’d also advise you to get in shape, and that’s not for your boyfriends sake but for yours. Build up some self-esteem and muscles because those will benefit you through your life 🙂
So many comments like “he will cheat you, it would be a dealbreaker for me, etc ”
People of Reddit, why are you guys so lonely that you just can’t see anyone else in a relationship?
He likes pics of a girl in a bikini, confront him, tell him that you are not comfortable with him liking those pics, see his reaction, decide by yourself. You know him better than anyone else (atleast anyone from Reddit)
Instagram is such a thing where some people are habitual to like every post they come across because it’s so easy to do it (just slightly double tap)
I know people who are so fluent that they can like 200 posts in a minute without even seeing them, they are just habitual
If I see any of my high school friend’s post on social media, whether it be in Bikini or in Shirt & Pyjamas, I would still like it, because why not? I know them since years, I love seeing them, whether in person or in social media
Those listen to these lonely people of Reddit, just confront your partner and tell him that you are not uncomfortable with it… If he be a good partner, he will understand you or atleast explain you why he likes those pictures
(Downvote me if you want, but it’s true, People of Reddit are so lonely that at every relationship or marriage related post, they just comment “leave him/her” even if the problem is “My husband doesn’t know how to make Lasagna”)
Women are beautyful. Im sure he also likes pics from all clothed pretty girls or female friends. Liking fotos isn’t throw your dick in other girls😅 don’t think too much about. Probably u beeing jealous and insecure makes him feel secure, like a reeeaaaal man, a women’s king or he just like it…or he thinks keeping you is easier when u feel insecure and working on ur bodyissues to get worse makes u feel like he’s the only guy you’ll ever get…or maybe its fucking simple and it is what it is and he just like the pic…dokno tbh
Tell him you don’t like it. If he likes you he will stop it. But you must speak to him.
If he really loves you, your emotions and feelings (arr valid) should matter to him more than liking stpid other girl’s pic.
Depends are you posting bikini pics for the world and stuff for attention or not?
If not then yeah you got grounds to be annoyed etc.
I honestly don’t understand this sort of thinking. It seems to me that you have your own body image issues that you should sort out. You admittedly stalked his insta which means you were looking to find fault and you found what you deem to be fault. He didn’t suddenly become a robot when you started dating. Saying the girls bikini pics are thirst trap… Subjective. You could just be saying or feeling that because you are jealous.
I think either work on your own insecurities or you will always have this problem.
That’s very strange, I have a suspicion that this button liking could potentially be related to the fact that this lady is attractive and almost naked
Blud overreacting and insecure over an instagram girl ☠️
I wouldn’t. If he plays the “keeping her game” he will know he is about to win. If not, he May think she’s a helicopter girl
I believe everyone should be dedicated and if I found someone I was dating was liking other guys photos I’d feel super uncomfortable specially if they were meeting up behind my back I would like other girls to see how they like it.
But it’s better for you say how you feel, then make a decision on how response better to break up now then later were you’ll get hurt more.
Woah there’s so many more comments than I expected and thank u for all the opinions! But there’s so many mixed opinions so I’m more torn now on whether I should mention it to him or jot 😖
you should have groups sex
My bf doesnt have social media but im disgusted when i see my boy friends who are in a relationship and would like posts of girls in bikinis. I feel disrespected for their SO. If you speak to him about it and gaslights you, he’s up to no good.
I was stalking my boyfriend’s instagram once and noticed he was following an onlyfans model who posted a lot of sexual content. The idea of not telling him about it just because i was stalking his instagram really was not important to me. I was uncomfortable with it and had to express that to him. Even though he wasn’t subscribed to anything, it was still very disrespectful to me. He understood completely and respected my boundaries of not interacting with the content of onlyfans creators promoting their business. THIS is what a partner should do if you bring up a reasonable request about something that’s making you uncomfortable. If he loves you, he will respect you. I dont think you’re overreacting. Everyone has their reasons and different boundaries in a relationship. Coomunication is so important to set these boundaries so that both you and you’re partner are getting what you want and are comfortable in your own relationship.
Same situation. We’re in a 6 yrs relationship. Just found out yesterday his comment on a picture of a girl with her big boobs 1 yr. ago na para bang na amazed sya sa ganung kalaking dyoga or nagustuhan nya kaya napa comment sya HAHAHAHAHHAHA lmao but I don’t have the gut to open up with him because I know na kasalanan ko rin naman kasi nakita ko pa which is as far as I know goods naman relationship namin without me knowing na ganun pala ginawa nya :(((
+ Because of that, di ako nakatulog ng maayos kagabi thinking of it. Paranoid nanaman ako and malaki nanaman insecurities ko sa katawan dahil sa nakita ko. He just also deleted his account yesterday and up until now di pa kami nag-usap. I don’t know if he already knew na may nalaman ako or he’s just avoiding me or don’t want to talk to me muna.
++ May I ask from u all who will read this if I am over reacting too or should I bring up with him this issue??? Or will forget it nalang kasi matagal naman na? 😅🙂
if youve made it clear in the past this is a boundary he is crossing, then be done w him, if not tell him asap and make it clear that this isnt ok for him to be doing. he will either listen(keeper) or wont (be done)
I love how everyone is fine with OP stalking her BFs profile. Not just checking the follower list but actually going through every women’s profile checking photos if their BF liked them.
There is nothing to salvage in this relationship if you feel the need to do this.
Why are you stalking his insta. That’s weird vibe energy.
Looking and clicking like on the pictures are two different things.
Not overreacting. He’s a piece of shit. You deserve better.
I wish people would keep the same energy for men as they do for women. She said she stalked his IG followers to find information that he’s liking pics…but anytime a man feels anything he’s just an insecure baby. Yet a man is simply hitting a heart saying someone is a attractive. Not leaving comments, not sexting, not cheating. But as always, per Reddit, when a woman is uncomfortable with something it’s fine but when it’s a man he’s insecure.
Don’t worry I’m prepared for my downvotes so let’s get me as many as you can 😘😘😘
The fact you’re stalking his Instagram following means you’re either a control freak, or there’s already a reason for you to distrust him. Either way, your relationship is fatally flawed and you should probably break up with each other.
From experience, I can say that any guy who would do this cannot be trusted. If he’s making it known to other women that he’s thinking of them in a sexual way, chances are that he has no problem acting on these feelings when you’re not around.
I agree you should talk to him first. But all the people saying “if he didn’t find you attractive he wouldn’t be with you” is not true at all. Please don’t act like there are people in relationships with someone they don’t like. It happens all the time. BUT if he’s willing to hear you out and actually makes a change in his behavior, you’re good. If he gets mad and starts calling you crazy, insecure, etc without empathizing with you, you DO need to leave him because that’s not a person who respects you or your emotions.
Seriously, grow the fuck up. You are sounding possessive and showing fucked up amount of jealousy. If it continues to bother you, seek a therapist.
He’s dumb for liking them. He should just look at them and not like them. Then you’d never know. Honestly it’s weird to like them unless he thinks shes going to see his likes and want to reach out which would be delusional.