I’m seeking some guidance about a situation that’s been bothering me. My boyfriend (31M) and I (29M) have been together for two months, and recently, we went on an overseas trip. During this trip, he shared with me that his girl best friend posted photos of him that I took on social media. What really upset me was the caption – she mentioned that she’s “selling” her best friend (my boyfriend) and encouraged people to PM him if they were interested.
This situation raised a lot of questions in my mind. What’s even more concerning is that his responses to the post didn’t shut it down, and he didn’t acknowledge the inappropriateness of it. When I confronted him about this, he dismissed my concerns by telling me that I was being childish and immature and that his friends were just joking. He also mentioned that he’s “too old for that.”
To add to my confusion, I haven’t even had the chance to meet his friends yet. What’s even more alarming is that the comments on this post were filled with gay guys tagged, and his girl best friend even tagged some of them, asking if they were interested.
So, my specific questions are: Am I overreacting by being upset about this situation, or should I brush it off as just a harmless joke? I’m looking for your advice and insights. Thank you for your input.
TL;DR: My boyfriend’s best friend posted inappropriate content about him on social media, and he dismissed my concerns, claiming it was just a joke and that he’s “too old for that.” I asked him if he has told his friends about seeing someone and being in a relationship, and he said no. I’m looking for advice on how to handle this situation.
21 comments
My guess is that your new BF is used to his friend’s off beat sence of humor and doesn’t take her gags seriously. If he isn’t worried, I wouldn’t be either.
Your feelings are valid. Personally, that would be a boundary crossed for me. If you talk about this and he doesn’t hear you out, I would consider that red flag #2.
Sounds creepy and awkward on her part. But unless he’s actually a hooker then you’re probably fine just brushing it off. Maybe when you meet her in a light hearted manner be like what was up with that weird ass post you made
Weird that he has a girl best friend in the first place tbh
It’s only been two months, but you know how seriously your bf is taking the relationship, aka not at all. He hasn’t even told his friends he’s met someone? That’s super weird to me. It’s one thing to want to hold off on introducing someone new to your friends, two months isn’t that long so that’s totally reasonable. But to completely hide your existence? To have his friends trying to pimp him out and he says nothing? That’s weird.
I’d just want to date someone who tells their friends they just met the most amazing person/all the great things about me/how much they like me, not someone who hides my existence.
you really buried the lede here. the problem isn’t the insta post/caption/comments, it’s the fact that *he hasn’t told his friends he has a boyfriend*! like, it would be one thing if his friends were disrespecting his relationship by joking about trying to get him to be with someone else. but posting like that about your single friend is not at all weird, it’s funny. if they think he’s single, they think it’s ok to post something like that. plus, that joke probably didn’t come from nowhere. the topic of him dating most likely came up while they were hanging out, which is why the friend even thought to make that joke. at the very least he purposefully omitted the fact that he’s in a relationship, but it’s also possible he acted single — ie, said he was interested in finding someone, or potentially was flirting with his female friends. like, why would he hide the fact that he’s dating you from his friends? it’s not like you guys are just casually seeing each other, you’re officially boyfriends.
there’s just so many questions and red flags that have to do with *him not telling his friends he’s dating you.* in order to get to the bottom of this, you have to figure that out. and honestly, i don’t think the answer will be anything good.
edited to change boyfriend to girlfriend, and remove some supposition about tagging gay men in the comments.
His friends think he’s still single. Are you sure you’re in a relationship?
He is not too old he is immature, and the relationship he has with her is an emotional affair. There is limited chance this relationship will develop as he has a partner for fun, sharing, caring, that he is loyal to and it is his bf, not you. My friend Tom is a therapist and says these relationships are immature from HS/college, and starve a real partnership. I would let him go and move on.
I don’t get it. It sounds like a dumb social media joke. Just messing around and saying nonsense. What’s the problem? You might not think it’s amusing at all, but why would it be offensive? Obviously no one actually thinks your boyfriend is a piece of property for sale.
I think her making the post is not an issue, it’s quite humorous, I think her tagging other men in the post to ask if they’re interested is the real issue, it shows (to me, at least) that she has no respect for your relationship and if he hasn’t told his friends (including her) about the relationship then that’s more on him than her, it tells me he either doesn’t have faith in the relationship or he’s ashamed of you.
However, you are still a human and therefore are allowed to be offended/upset by things that offend/upset you and that makes what you’re feeling entirely valid, he should hear you out about your concerns and just let you know that he actually gives a damn.
The wording of the post weirds me out, but I suppose “selling” means she’s looking for a partner for your boyfriend. Your boyfriend doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with that = he’s only with you because he haven’t found someone better, yet. His friends know this and are actively helping, or they do not know of your existence at all.
I’d reply to that post and say he’s indeed up for “sale” because you’re breaking up with him.
Him not telling his friends about his relationship is a huuuge red flag. I had a friend who was dating this girl and this girl was absolutely head over heels for him. And this asshole would tell his friends and family that he can’t get rid of this girl and ‘idk why she’s being so clingy to me’. He didn’t want to tell others about this relationship because he wanted to keep his options open. It’s been 2 years and that poor girl is still in therapy.
oh honey no.. it sounds like youre not being taken seriously in this one.
youve been together for two months and hes still purposely trying to act single? 😬
You’re being childish and overacting. If something this insignificant sets you off, you might as well break up with him as will be a matter of days before you find something bigger and more legitimate to obsess over.
She posted pictures that you took? And then is acting like he’s not in a relationship? Your feelings are valid and this is weird. Why aren’t his friends respecting his relationship status and if they don’t know about you at all, why is that? Not sure if this is full on breakup-worthy, but definitely a red flag…
Are you sure he’s even told his friends he’s in a relationship?!
I’ll give you $3.50 for him. 😉
At 31 he doesn’t sound like he hasn’t matured yet. If he hasn’t told his friends about you then it sounds like he’s holding out to see if something better comes along.
What he’s too old for is this bs 🙄🙄
Ok, he has this one friend that is inappropriate. We all do! Let it slide for now.
This is way to much drama this early in a relationship. He is to old for this junk. True, the junk being his friends doing this kind of crap. What really concerns me is the way he dismissed your feelings. Are you sure you want to be with someone who could care less how you feel? I have been with my husband 18 years and yes we are a gay couple. He has never once dismissed my feelings on anything. That’s the kind of man you need to have than someone who does this to you. Find someone who respects you. Good luck