Met this guy on a dating app. After talking for a few days, we met up and things ended up getting heated. He asked me if I wanted him to grab a condom and I said “sure, I have some if you want me to get one” (my bag was way closer to us than his dresser). He then responded with “Why do you have condoms?”. I sort of just looked at him confused and I said “what do you mean?”, to which he repeated himself. Meanwhile at this point he STARTS GETTING SOFT. I was like “I don’t know… why do YOU have condoms? Sometimes guys don’t have them so I try to be prepared.”
Why is it so weird to men when females have condoms? I always get this reaction. Do I seem like a whore or something for having some on hand? Genuinely confused. I think I’m being responsible lol but maybe it comes off differently to men. Like sorry I don’t want to get an STD? I’ve been in situations where men try to use not having one as an excuse to fuck raw. So from then on I started carrying some.
Also just to note, this was a brand new box that I opened in front of him since I went there knowing we were probably going to have sex.
42 comments
Male insecurity and madonna/whore complex all rolled into one. You shouldn’t have condoms because if you do you’re a slut who fucks guys. But I have condoms to fuck you with so I am awesome. You should be a virgin for me and even if I bail after a shitty lay you should never have sex again.
And scene.
Its not weird..he just isn’t worth your time. You are playing in the big leagues.. he is learning tee ball.
It’s not weird it’s totally fine if a woman has condoms with her too. Protection is important. And when going on a date or meeting up, this shouldn’t be unusual or surprising lamao. I mean you even brought a brand new box so, even i as a guy don’t understand why it’s a problem for him.
You just met an asshole.
I personally would have been flattered thinking, “oh yeah, she came in knowing we was gunna git it on!”
I hope he got no pussy after that.
Because men take it as either “you don’t trust me to use mine?” Or hoping they can pull the old “oh nooooo, I forgot one, but it’s okay if we still have sex without one, right?” OR they think you’re a slut and must be having sex with a lot of different men because why *else* would a woman keep condoms?
Not that, yknow, we use them with some sex toys, or to be adequately prepared for steamy situations, or we don’t take The Pill/Patch/Shot, so condoms *are our birth control*. And, personally, I’d feel better using my *own* condoms because I’d know they aren’t expired or tampered with.
As a guy, it says to me that you are prepared for that outcome and have thought through the possibilities. It’s a turn on.
Not weird, youre totally correct. Not sure why he asked, at least youre prepared as you mentioned in your text.
I appreciate a woman that knows what she wants, me personally because I’ve gotten the exact same response as a male…As if I’m being cocky( big pun intended ) assuming imma hit it
No, you shouldn’t let some guy have you thinking just because you have condoms and you’re prepared just in case you want to have sex with a guy and don’t want to get pregnant or contract something that you can’t get rid of, because your health and safety comes first at all costs..!!
I commend you for taking preparations for your safety and for your enjoyment of having sex with whom ever you choose..
I remember being 18 and a girl had condoms in her bedside cabinet. I instantly felt like she had a massive amount of sexual experience and I’d be in competition with her past experiences lmao.
Now I’m older I realise that’s nothing to do with it.
The correct answer to his question was “Because I have sex with men. That’s right, I used the plural”.
Years ago I had a gf who had a bigger selection of condoms in her bedside drawers than i did. It never bothered me. They were different sizes and colors and flavours. We had fun trying out the different varieties.
She had a variety of lubes too. I never felt insecure about any of that.
Honestly, my experience meeting women was often them not having condoms at THEIR place and me finding that a bit strange or frustrating (because at the time I didn’t have a good way to carry my own around, without the packaging wearing out if I put them in my wallet)…
Kudos to you for having condoms, it doesn’t say anything about you aside from you being a safe person who likes to be prepared!
When i was single I was always amazed when women had condoms I liked how perpead she was
Red flag.
He wants to live in a fantasy world where women are not sexual at all unless it’s with him
When I was in university we’d have campaigns for sexual health and for five bucks they’ve give out, stuffed to the brim, paper brown bags full of mixed condoms—from good, well known, brands to some of the most awful tasting flavored condoms. And you got like three refills for when you run out somehow. Everyone had condoms.
Typical insecure male. He should have been rather happy that he is safe for the female he is with is prepared and mindful. Not worth your time, OP.
This is just me, and it doesn’t mean it would actually be true, but if a guy got upset that I had condoms, I would immediately question if his condoms were actually safe. I just don’t see why he would be so bothered otherwise. Like, I’m interested in sex, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that I have protection in mind, much less an issue.
I hope I’m wrong here, but this reads as a red flag. I had a similar response once and for the duration of the time knowing this guy he had a hard time with my sexual history and would go through a range of emotions with it, most of them centered around frustration/anger. It doesn’t make sense, but it’s true. Just be careful. Seriously, if you choose to interact with this guy again-be really careful. I wish I would’ve gotten out of my situation faster.
That’s a him issue, I generally always have my own but for the exact same reason a female partner would have them – for safe sex.
It is a strange question and a potential red flag. On your side, it shows maturity that you believe in protection.
I think it may well show either insecurity or a judgemental person and the red flag will be more about his ability for you both to communicate openly together on this question.
Of course, plenty other red flags are possible here but the easiest one to miss is when things are left unsaid.
There’s nothing worse than being with someone who doesn’t know how to communicate openly and has all sorts of thoughts going through their head which they keep bottled up and ruminate on. It can be like Chinese water torture trying to second guess someone like this.
Inability to communicate in a relationship can certainly become toxic in the longer term as I have discovered with my future ex.
I was dating a guy and on the third date we decided to sleep together. We didn’t communicate before or ask questions about kinks or protection etc. I ASSUMED we would use protection.
The day comes and we are getting into it. He is on top of me and I realise what’s about to happen. I then ask if he’s going to use protection. He replies “oh I don’t have any, I don’t like using it. I’ll just pull out” and then just thrusts in.
I’ve never felt so shit in my life after that. STI, STD, pregnancy is all I can think about. Thankfully, all tests came back negative. But I’m never putting myself in that position again.
So if a guy asks why I carry protection – because this is my boundary. If you have your own great. If not, I have some.
Don’t feel weird or bad for having protection, it’s a green flag in my eyes.
Seems entirely reasonable of you. You like sex, the opportunity might be present, you prepared.
Well DUH. He got soft because YOU were willing, able and prepared? Boy has a serious lack of sense.
and I’m a GUY!!!
I think you’re right,they could see you as a whore,or even the train thoughts went something like”oh if she says yes for a condom that’s ok but if she has one that means there was absolutely no chance to get it raw”.
Did you ever see his condoms? He could have been planning to say he must have ‘forgotten’ his
Maybe he still lives in the last century or something. Why would he be surprised to the point of losing an erection 🤦♂️🤦♂️
Dodged a bullet with that guy. He wanted you to pretend you didn’t know what you want because you’re soooo pure. Like he for real dude
Man: I’m entitled to fuck every woman, that comes along, so I prepare and have condoms ready. I‘m responsible!
Also man: She has condoms ready. So she thinks she‘s entitled to fuck every man that comes along. Whatta whore!
The old story…
Just chalk it up to them being compelled to wave their red flag so you can dodge the bullet.
He wanted to fuck raw.
It’s a green flag that you had some
In response to a couple of the later posts above. OP started it was a new box she opened in front of him. I understand some apprehension about tampered condoms, but not directly applicable in this specific case.
Agree generally with many comments above: disconnect for many men about promiscuity. More notches on a man’s belt – welll done, my lad; but an equally experienced woman is considered (insert derogatory term of choice here).
I put this down to insecurity, ignorance and laziness. Some of these men will think they can do what they want for own ends: if the woman is innocent, she won’t know any better; if he thinks she’s a bike, she won’t care.
Just my tuppence-worth.
Because women shouldn’t *want* sex, much less **be ready for it**.
At least until you get married – then your husband will **expect** it and demand to know why you *never* “initiate”. At that point, you will be *expected* to want it, regardless of how much of a worthless git he turns into.
I say this as a man, by way of pointing out the *enormous* double-standards and *stupid-ass contradictory views* **so very many of us** hold. You’re a cheap slut for wanting it, we’re just following biology (even though even a cursory actual understanding of biology puts the lie to this belief).
As bad as previous generations were, the current generation is going to be **so much worse**, thanks to the magic of the internet.
Ugh I would get rid of this guy ASAP
Who wants to sleep with someone who is weirded out by someone responsibly having protection?? Blah. Gross.
LoL! You shattered his allusions of being the master seducer. He was actually just running dangerously low on maturity fuel.
It doesn’t matter what the men think. You are taking the necessary precautions to ensure your health and reproductive choices. Personally, I am very proud of you.
Keep taking care of you. If a man can’t understand why you would want to be responsible, then perhaps he is not the right man for you.
YOLO. Take care of that one life and make it what you want it. 🙂
Ok, I’m the father of a 15 year old girl, and we very recently had the safe sex / condom talk. Based on that conversation, this is why I think all girls should carry condoms if they think they might have sex, and why I keep a box for her to take from no questions asked.
1) Many guys will “forget” and try to go without. Pulling out doesn’t work that well and certainly won’t prevent any STDs
2) I don’t know about you, but I had that condom in my wallet from 13 until probably 16. There’s no way in hell that thing was going to stop anything. A purse is a better place to keep a condom then a wallet, and you can know that you replaced it recently.
3) It’s your body, be responsible for protecting it.
4) More opportunities for spontaneous sex (I didn’t tell her this obviously, but it’s a bonus even if I don’t want to think about it)
Anyway, I just wanted to give a different perspective to this discussion.
It doesn’t have to be a brand new box for you to be a good person who deserves respect. You could fuck eight guys a day and he still doesn’t deserve an explanation from you. His opinion of you doesn’t matter. You have condons bc you’re an adult and your health matters to you. What other answer could there be????
This guy is a sneaky dick. His casual question about do you have condoms was a gotcha moment where he felt smarter than you and he felt entitled to an apology/justification for your sex life, which is not his business. He sees women as less than. Fuck this guy.
“STARTS GETTING SOFT”
i beg of you to not read into this part, for the sake of future dates. it’s easy for an erection to reduce for many reasons, including just having random conversation.