Im a junior undergrad at the moment and i have yet to really put myself out there. Im very shy and the only people i talk to is my small friend group from middle school and even then i get worried about not knowing what to say sometimes though they are good people at the end of the day despite my being clueless. I also talk to my family but i often feel like i dont talk to them enough and i feel guilty when i dont. With them i also dont know what to say either.
There is a big push to “get involved” arround campus and im anxious that i have not yet. Im in fencing club which is fun but i dont talk to or look at people there. Im also kind of in psychology club just to do community service which ill need before i go to med school but i have not dont much for it and might not formally get involved in it until spring since im backed up on work and the fall semester only has a month or so left.
I have a hard time connecting with people in general and talking to others feels so fake and superficial. I really think something is wrong with my brain for not wanting to interact with others EVER. Do i need to put on a mask and pretend i enjoy it so i get places in life and seem normal? That sounds so tiring. The only social thing that sounds remotely good to me is having a gf to spend time with but that seems increasingly unlikely if im unable to connect with others.
Can i be happy and fufilled being a reclusive hermit all my life like I am?
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