Not necessarily making active steps to do it. But how much do you desire a partner or multiple sexual partners? I know some people who are obsessed with the idea of chasing women and getting sex as much as possible. One of my old best friends I’m pretty sure was a sex addict because he’d always talk about women and he’d always cheat on his girlfriend etc. I decided I didn’t want to be friends with him because he was possessed it seemed like. For me it’s not a high priority. I do have a wife but it’s never been a big deal for me. I’ve gone years without sex before and I could have gone either way on finding a partner for life. I’m married now and don’t regret my decision but it’s not always amazing. If I was single again I would probably find someone else eventually but I wouldn’t do everything I could to make it happen if that makes sense. I just don’t think finding a woman and settling down has to be the main goal of life for everyone that some people seem to think
40 comments
1% motivation
It was never a big driving factor but I also just kinda…stumbled into relationships so I never had much of a dry spell. Maybe it would’ve been a bigger deal if I had wound up single for an extended period.
My social skills are horrendous and my social battery does not have much capacity. I don’t do that because I see it as kind of pointless, especially as I approach middle age. I’ve never been able to articulate what an ideal relationship would be like. I agree with your last sentence. Your post kinda floats around. I suppose my response does as well.
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Was 120% motivated my whole life
In the end it helped me find my wife
had it once, was led on and then lied to. never again.
Right now very little. Just got out of an almost year long relationship a few weeks ago and just want to be single for a bit.
Plus I’m super awkward and introverted so I don’t talk to anyone. If a lady came up to me and started something off then I’d be ok with seeing where it went but I’m not gonna start anything on my own.
I have 0 motivation to chase women.
I’m not. I’m ecstatic that I don’t have to play that game anymore, and I doubt I would date again if I suddenly were no longer married.
I have a lot of my own interests, and to me chasing women represents spending time being unfairly evaluated to see if I meet some arbitrary criteria. I did what people advised me to do, put myself out there, talk to people, and find common interests. I went to the gym and social events I didn’t care for.
Instead of finding women who were interested in making common bonds to build a relationship, every experience I had was more like being told to prove I was good enough to even get that far. As if he time was so important that even getting to know her was a privilege I had to earn.
Not a high priority. I’m pretty passive / casual with my pursuits. Never had that “gotta go out and get laid tonight” mentality a lot of guys have.
Sex is great but relationships, and the dating process in general can be a lot of work and stressful.
I’m honestly pretty happy on my own, especially after my last relationship. Won’t avoid another one if it comes naturally but I don’t need it right now.
0%
No motivation whatsoever. Single for 10 years, and haven’t had sex in that time either. A relationship doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest.
life is far too hectic to worry about these things
I just jerk off and go play records🤷🏼♂️😂
0%.
If you’re on your purpose in life, women will come to you. It’s a given.
When I was single I was very motivated. I wanted a partner more than anything else. Success to me was having that person who is always there for you. I found that and it was 1000% worth the effort.
Never ever chase women.
Zero interest.
Less than zero. Negative motivation. Divorced earlier this year, which ended 22 years of monogamous relationships (2 total that were back to back). I’ve had sex literally thousands of times with multiple women. What I haven’t had is an extended period of happiness and peace. I’m at the beginning of that and not about to mess it up.
I don’t have any. I don’t have the bandwidth for chasing. Now, dating them is a different story.
For me, the motivation is to be seen as attractive and desirable *to women*, not really sex itself. The idea of pursuing women and sex always seemed degrading to me.
It’s the primary thing I think about. As far as *chasing* women, I stopped wasting my time with that years ago. If a woman isn’t adult enough to meet me half way she can waste someone else’s time.
0% I’m more motivated in getting my shit together
The appeal vs ideal is what ‘motivates’ many of us to plan for what we think we want, only to realize later in life we should have given more thought to the concept of what is/was ideal for us then and now. Failure to plan is planning to fail. IMHO just doing the work and being yourself demonstrates your commitments and speaks to your maturity level and accomplishments. When we successfully accomplish goals and objectives consistently we feel confident and proud to have achieved them. The confidence we feel and the beliefs we have in ourselves radiate outward from us and will infect others in our orbit. The relationships we didn’t focus on or plan for will present themselves in due time.
Zero, i am done.
Not motivated at all. I don’t like people much and it reflects on me not going after women. My mental health health is in bad shape despite therapy. Low self esteem, I’m fat too. I’m isolate myself more than most. I’m also unemployed for yrs. Don’t receive welfare btw.
Honestly I have bigger problems in my life.
55m, divorced, 60hr min work week, relationships have been miss more than hit, if not detrimental.
0% interest
I’m very motivated to chase them but it’s usually in parking garages
I have no motivation, especially this day & age. Back then, the worst thing a woman could do was say No. You look at now when you have the possibility of becoming a TikTok video or have false charges coming to you? It’s not worth it.
I’d rather take the time to improve myself.
Kind of over it. In my 20’s & 30’s it was like a full time job but now it’s like an abandoned side hobby. Like my progress at the gym, I make twice the effort and get half of the results these days. I’m like an athlete who’s been washed for 3 years. Not so much retired but fading away.
This has changed dramatically at different times in my life.
16-20 it was on my mind several times a day, seeing plenty of beautiful young women in school/university certainly was a distraction.
In my 20’s I’d go out alot, meet plenty of people and settled into a long term relationship/marriage. It was something I pursued, but on a weekly basis, not a daily one. Like I’d go out on the weekend looking, or dates, but during the week it was work/hobbies.
In my 30s, and post-divorce, it’s not that important to me. I’ve done some dating and some hook-ups in the past few years, but it’s pretty low on my priorities and only something I pursue when I’m “in the mood”.
I’ve grown more and more deflated with it as time has gone on this year. It’s not even sex at this point, I’d just like someone of the opposite sex who I’m into to actually give a shit haha.
Not at all. Chasing women is for attractive men.
69% Motivated.
Feels like I’m the only guy here that gets motivated by women. I don’t ‘chase’, but it’s a huge motivator for me to be my best self. It’s partly for myself, but definitely for women too to do well, be kind and humble, work out, be well-read, do exceptional things… to aim high generally. I’m a relatively attractive dude (haven’t always been!) and women go up to me to compliment me on my looks at bars or house parties. I meet a new girl most times I go out and I barely make any moves. It does well for my confidence and it does motivate me to be a better version of myself every day. Would recommend.
Is negative motivation a thing? I go out of my way to repel pretty much anyone
Lol if I find someone attractive I’ll put in some effort to chat with them. But if I do that 3 times, its on the woman to initiate the next one. I’ll wait for her to do so. If she doesn’t, I assume she’s not interested, and never go out of my way to talk with her again.
None are worth the chase. Most are neighborhood bikes.
At 34yo, Id rather wank and use the spare time for something way more useful.
Well my wife has nearly has broke me with her basically turning into a nun. If we split I will probably just do hook ups and never date again
I have no motivation to chase. Chasing means I’m pursuing something that is clearly running away from me.