I understand somewhat the reason why I wasn’t able to make friends before: I was overweight, had no hobbies but gaming, and my social skills were dogshit. But I’ve worked on myself heavily over the past year and lost weight, can easily hold a conversation now, and have developed a few hobbies.
But I’ve been back at school (a local CC) for over a month and guess what? STILL no friends. I’ve got people I’m “class friends” with or people who would talk to me for a couple seconds if no one else is around, but during Halloween I wasn’t invited to any parties, no one texts me, it’s just radio silence. No one reaches out to talk to me and I still feel a massive gulf between me and other people. And it’s not like I didn’t try, I’m the one who takes initiative to reach out 95% of the time, I listen very actively and ask people questions about themselves (even when they never ask a question back) and I thought the conversation went well but then im still back to being alone at home by the end of the day.
I just feel so lonely and so fucking sick of this. I felt for sure that I finally hit my stride and can have some people who would like me for me… but I guess it’s still not enough. I’ve been friendless for over five years and at this point I think im just not meant to have anyone. I’ve never belonged. Im an alien. I wasn’t meant to exist. I don’t know what else I can even do at this point. Done everything people constantly parrot—hit the gym, joined countless hobby groups, worked on my appearance and social skills, and still nothing.
When?? When will I be good enough?? Fuck
2 comments
Does anyone actually have friends at your school? Take a look around and I think you’ll find most people have someone they hang out with while on campus like the “class friends” you described, but not any actual friends. Local CCs aren’t like big universities where social circles get established, most people just go straight to work or home after their classes are done. And they probably still have people from high school they hang out with in their free time.
I wouldn’t worry too much about how people there treat you, because most of them don’t want to be there in the first place. At the same time, you should consider what you offer to other people. Do they get anything from hanging out with you?
You may be in shape, have hobbies, and be able to hold a conversation, but how does that benefit the people you’re trying to be friends with?
I’m not saying to stop trying, because there are definitely people there who feel the same way as you, but the type of school you’re at usually isn’t a place where people are trying to make friends.
Do you like yourself? People can sense when you have genuine self-esteem, and they’re subconsciously repelled if you don’t. And I admit it’s hard to develop a true sense of self-esteem when you feel lonely and friendless.
I’d suggest starting a volunteer thing maybe once a week, at a pet shelter or a soup kitchen or something on campus. Really start developing the sense that the world is a better place because YOU SHOWED UP.
When you have a solid sense of self worth it is in your walk, your talk, your smile, your very aura. And people are attracted to that. At the same time you have to make sure your conversational skills are solid and you can keep a convo fun and easy.
Here’s a few tips on conversational skills to get you started:
###[How to Banish Boring Conversations](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPRForYourSocialLife/comments/11eb4g8/how_to_banish_boring_conversations/)