I’m just wondering about the considerations of whether or not to tell Mom about Dad being in medical trouble with dehydration and heat stroke. He’s in poor condition but not in serious or critical condition. He also brought it on himself by vacationing to a hot place and neglecting water. Mom is still perhaps a bit bitter from the divorce, though it has been a few years since she remarried, and I think she worries too much about what Dad is up to because they still see each other at their workplace. Dad might be a bit unhappy if I tell Mom, but obviously on the slim chance he fucking *dies* I’m going to feel bad that I didn’t say anything. I’m trying to decide how much I should tell Mom, if at all. She doesn’t even know he’s on vacation.
tl;dr Dad got heat stroke on vacation and is in urgent care. Mom is remarried and hasn’t talked to him for a long time. Should I tell her?
Update: Finally got to talk to him on the phone and he seems fine now. I am reluctant to tell Mom. She doesn’t need to know. Thank you all for the responses.
11 comments
I think this is a thing that is happening in *your* life as well, and as a major event in *your life* it is entirely reasonable to confide in your mother.
Be sensitive if she doesn’t want to talk about it, but rather than making it “*You* need to know about *Dad*.” Make it a “Dad’s health is poor and it’s on my mind. I’d like to be able to talk to you about it. Is that okay?”
As a single dad myself, and it being kind of a bad break up, I’d prefer that my son tell me what happens to his mom. Not because I care about her, but I love him! So if he’s concerned or worried, I’m there to support him.
You should be able to tell her. If they are long remarried, even if they don’t personally get along, they need to understand that the other parent is a significant part of your life and you will occasionally share updates about them. Plus it’s more about how it affects you, you must be worried about him. If she can’t share a modicum of sympathy for you and him, then so be it.
I personally wouldn’t tell her.
Heat stroke while nothing to laugh at, is something he should fully recover from within days, it’s not like he just got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I agree with other comments to the extent his health impacts YOUR life it’s reasonable to talk to your mom about it, but running to tell her just that he went to an urgent care clinic is overstepping IMHO.
Will telling you bio mom about your divorced bio dad really help in the long run?
IMO it is not her business.
Much less drama, needed drama.
Hope Dad recovers soon.
Your dad is going to be fine and they don’t stay informed of each other’s lives. This doesn’t feel like a time to start a phone tree and rally the family, so what do you think is escalating it for you? Is your motivation maybe that you felt scared for your dad briefly and wanted to share that load with your mom? You don’t have to hide things that affect you from your mom, as she is part of your support network, but with the surrounding history, consider if you can seek that support elsewhere. But whatever you decide will be ok. You’re allowed to tell your mom you were scared when your dad got sick.
Because of THEIR MUTUAL IMMATURITY your parents have left you in this situation where you feel obligated to be filial to each but you have NO IDEA what to do because THEY HAVE GIVEN YOU ZERO GUIDANCE DESPITE BEING YOUR PARENTS which again goes back to the FIRST EMPHASIZED SECTION. i learned a long time ago to handle it however i feel like and if they dont like it FUCK OFF because it is not my job as THE CHILD to raise THE PARENTS.
You sound unduly stressed by the situation. Would it help to ring a helpline and have a good vent? I get the impression there’s a lot more stress built up underneath.
I am fully no contact with my ex.
If our child was stressed and worried, I would be willing to be present and supportive, for the sake of the adult child.
But I have no expectation or desire to hear anything about my ex otherwise…. other than death, in which case I would need a death certificate, but otherwise, I wouldn’t care…. but even not caring, I would try to be there for our grieving child.
Will she care? If not, I don’t know what the purpose would be
Nope, none of her business