Hi everyone,
I moved to my current area for university three years ago. In that timespan I have not had a single friend. I’ve made and lost several online friends and I’m fine when it comes to making friends online but I simply cannot irl for whatever reasion. I’ve wondered if it has to do with the fact that I’m really ugly, or look weird, or come off as standoffish(I have social anxiety), or perhaps I’m doing something weird that I don’t even notice.
I go to club meetings and social events in the hopes of making friends who I have things in common with, although I find it hard to connect with most people. I go to sports events. I try to socialise and be friendly even though it’s hard. I hold conversations with people. I find one on one conversations easier than group conversations as in groups I never know when it’s my turn to talk but I try to talk anyways. I get ignored a fair bit, I don’t know why. But once I’m already talking to people I’m pleasant and friendly. People seem to like me well enough. But I have no idea how to step past the barrier of friendly acquaintances to actual friends. It seems to come so naturally to others but I’m lost. I’ve been told to invite people I’m on good terms with to hang out or for a coffee but that’s so weird with people I barely know, I feel like they’d think I’m a weirdo and decline.
I’ve even been told by therapists I’ve seen that I have GOOD social skills and that I would be a good guest to have round. So I’m just baffled as to why I struggle so much. Any tips or anyone who’s gone through the same thing and can offer advice?
1 comment
The key here is to find a place where you can have REGULAR conversations with people. Then you develop a rapport over a period of weeks. Then when you’re both comfortable with regular conversations, you invite them to do something with you such as coffee or whatever.
It sounds like you’re talking to different people in a one-off conversation each time, so no chance to get to know each other over a period of time. That’s why it feels weird to invite them to something.
Try picking one or two people and talking to them each time you see them so you can develop a bit of a relationship.