I’m (35 F) fairly recently single (got divorced last spring) and I’ve been tiptoeing around the dating pool without really doing anything.
What’s scaring me off is the fact that I have a bit of a weird body 😅 – I had some major weight loss, and i carried a child while I was at my heaviest so I have a very flabby belly and saggy boobs, more so than you would expect for my age. It’s too soon to have it fixed (have to wait until my weight has been stable for a while), and honestly the thought of anyone seeing me naked absolutely horrifies me.
I felt less self conscious about it when I was bigger, because at least then it was more like “what you see is what you get”, but now I look great with clothes on and then not so great when they come off 😂
Honest opinion – how much of a turn-off is loose skin for you? If it came to it, is it something you think should be mentioned beforehand or am I making a big deal of something that isn’t a big deal?
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Yuck
I think if you are a kind person and choose kind people to be in your dating pool, you’ll be more than fine. It wouldn’t matter much at all to me as long as I liked you. You’ll find shallow people who care, but those people won’t be quality anyway. Even if you were perfect, avoid shallow waters.
Edit: This comment section makes me sad. Just say something encouraging. I will not be surprised if OP regrets posting at this rate.
Just like I’m sure you notice in men, confidence is sexy. In your mid-30s, damn near everyone is going to have body flaws. A nearly flawless body on a person who’s lacking confidence and hiding will be less attractive to most people. We all have flaws at this age and if you rock them with confidence, men will find you attractive.
Take a look at some of the subreddits for women over 30 posting nudes of themselves. You’ll see a lot of women without flat stomachs and perky boobs getting tons of upvotes and comments. They’re projecting that confidence and it makes them desirable.
Dated a girl who lost a ton of weight. Didn’t matter to me. Some people are jerks but to most boobs are boobs, it matters who they are on. The kid is honestly going to be more of a dealbreaker, I wouldnt date a single mom because I don’t want to get attached to the kid and then have the mom break it off.
Find someone who likes you for you – be confident in you –
You will find someone who likes you for you and the skin thing won’t bother them- you’re just potentially slightly more limited in dating pool size
It’s a big turn off for me personally and I wouldn’t date someone with loose skin. But I’m pretty shallow when it comes to dating or sex. This question has been asked a lot, and it seems most people on reddit don’t seem to care. If it’s something that bothers you enough you can consider surgery outside of america for substantially cheaper rates.
It’s probably not that much different than people not wanting to date someone with a big nose, or a small chin or bad teeth, or whatever it is. Some people are more particular others are not. A lot of my personal friends wouldn’t date someone with loose skin and others would.
I’d personally bring it up before sex or throw it in a conversation sooner than later.
Good job on losing the weight though! Congrats.
Congrats on the weight loss. It’s a flaw but dress well and it’s not going to be visible. A few men won’t like it but may or may not be dealbreakers. Plus they won’t see until undressing fit first time.
Your bigger issue unfortunately is going to be having a child because that’s something announced that usually comes before undressing. Older guys will care less.
It’s like a very small thing for me. I mean, honestly, you’re going to have to forgive just as many of my own issues.
I think it’s an interesting journey to have taken. The truth is, you’re 35, and anyone who doesn’t understand life’s twists and turns is really too immature.
Find someone that wants to get to know you – not someone who just wants to identify the person that makes them most horny.
It all depends on the person, if some guy is jacked, he may have strict requirements for what he finds ‘attractive’. If a guy just has a ‘normal’ body, he is likely going to be more open to various bodies, as well.
At our age, if you’ve dated at all and especially people with children, you would have seen a lot of different bodies in different states, especially if you’re dating someone who has a child with another woman, already.
I’ll be honest. I had a lady friend from high school who lost a lot of weight. We were friends through college and ended up hooking up about 10 years after we graduated. She had loose skin and unfortunately it was a major turn off, and we didn’t hook up again even though I know she would have liked to.
If you can afford to have it fixed it will greatly improve your chances. I think it would be less of a big deal if you developed it while in a long term relationship with someone, but for actually attracting and keeping a guy around it will be a negative. I’m shallow I guess, but I’m just giving it to you straight.
Congratulations on losing the weight. Personally, that would be a big turn off for me. That, in addition to having a kid is a double-pass.
Top it off with your general outlook of selfishness based on post and comment history, good luck finding a quality partner that looks past those three big-time deal breakers.
Couldn’t care less
If we are close to doing the deed I’m completely blinded.
I don’t care.
It might be a turnoff for some but I’d think it would be before….not right in that moment
This is an awful way of thinking for me. I’m so sorry. If it was just flabby skin then it would be a no bit having had a child is sort of cool. You made a baby you are awesome, so wear that skin.
Being with a person who I am comfortable with, compatible with, is way more important than loose skin or whatever.
>how much of a turn-off is loose skin for you?
For me, it’s a turn-off, but hey, don’t get me wrong, I have my own preferences.
I might consider it for a hook-up, did it several times.
I’m pretty sure that a lot of men doesn’t care about it.
If I’ve come that far, I don’t care.
Wow, people are so immature and shallow in this thread.
Personally, it’s a turn off. I had it happen to myself and couldn’t enjoy how I looked so I took steps to fix it.
Something that might help is collagen, it keeps skin elasticity. Look up Verisol – it’s smaller than hydrolyzed collagen and tends to cause less allergic reactions, there’s a few studies about it if you look it up. After age 20 humans lose about 1% of our collagen production a year, doubles after menopause.
When I lost a lot of weight I was younger and had good results from putting lotion on my body and wearing a neoprene vest under my clothes, although that isn’t as scientifically backed as supplementing with collagen.
I’m a 37 male and I’m a bit of a weirdo. I was wildly attracted to my wife and thought I could never be more aroused by her body. Oh boy I was wrong. We had a kid, she got big, gave birth, lost the weight and now with all the evidence on her that she had a baby and weight loss I find myself being even more attracted to her. The imperfections are highly attractive. My wife is very self-conscious and insecure but bit by bit she’s starting to believe me that I find her even more attractive now. And bit by bit she’s happy in her own body wich makes her even more desirable for me. What I’m trying to say is, we do exist, guys that love you for who you are and how you look flaws and all. You just have to find ‘m.
It actually be more impressive then a turn off to me, it shows how much work you’ve put in to lose the weight. That’s something to be proud of in my opinion. Granted it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, so it kind of is what it is there, but everyone has their own issues when clothes come off and everyone has their own preferences.
It’s not something I would care that much about. I find personality and kindness are what make someone truly attractive, anything else is a bonus.
Lots of men understand that bodies change especially after weight loss and children. Going for someone who has similar values to you is important. Lots of men had their own weight loss journey and have challenges with their skin and bodies as well. Humans are out here humaning.
I’ll also note that there’s a subset of men on Reddit who jump at the opportunity to insult a woman’s physical appearance just to put her down and feel better about themselves. I noticed a couple of those comments here. (We also have a lot of young men/teens on here pretending to be in their 30s). Don’t take those personally. The dudes I know in our age range are more empathetic and understanding to life’s circumstances.
I dated very briefly a single mom and there was some loose skin and stretch marks. I didn’t have a problem with that. Things didn’t work out because one I didn’t like the lady and the relationship. And yes, the bigger issue for sure was the kid and the ladies personality not the physical body changes.
Doesn’t make any difference to me, but I’m also an objectively fat guy who looks fit in clothes, and I’m familiar with the unintentional bait-and-switch and how shitty it feels to be on the receiving end of that “ugh, I thought you were hot”, so take that with a grain of salt.
in general, excessive loose skin isn’t attractive to me.
if i’d found you attractive though, it’s something I could see myself looking past.. and after awhile, I wouldn’t even care about it.
If the loose skin came from a baby from our relationship, that would be the only condition I woukd accept the loose skin. Outside that, I tried it and it wasn’t a pleasing experience. If I was told about the skin beforehand, I’d be turned off.
Unfortunately I think it will cause you some issues in the dating world. Of course some assholes expect everyone to be perfect but even good guys who understand that no one has a perfect body and would be ok with imperfections will likely be taken aback by the surprise if what you’re saying is true about looking good with clothes on but not with clothes off. At the very least I would explain it before things got too far. If you take the shock out of it you at least have a chance.