Hello, my (M29) wife (30F) recently said that it was her fantasy to have a threesome with another women. A little background, we’ve been married for 5 years and during that time, she came out as bisexual. We decided to open up our relationship so that she had the opportunity to explore her sexuality. Since then, we have closed it again after she communicated feeling content sleeping with a few women.
I feel very happy in our relationship but adding a third feels like it rises my anxiety some due to being self conscious . I still struggle with body image (in a bigger body) and it took a while to feel comfortable around my wife. we were each others first (yay purity culture) and I’ve never imagined being with anyone else.
Has anyone struggled with this? Did you take your time finding and getting to know someone, or was it better with a stranger you never talk to again? Ladies, what did boundaries look like between you and the husband? I’m imagining we both would focus our attention on my wife, but i don’t know how these things play out. Also, how in the world do you even find someone?
27 comments
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You guys do you.
Just warning you, 3some’s have a tendency to backfire, not to take lightly.
If you two end up giving it a shot, I would highly recommend establishing some clear cut rules for the activity… And honestly, I might even suggest to make it all about your wife during it. The 3rd person is there to help take care of your wife with you.
I’ve seen plenty of posts where it goes:
>I suggested a 3some with my husband and I regret it. All he did was boink the other girl the entire time. He was far more interested in her. He orgasmed harder than I have ever seen before.
And now their relationship is in shambles.
I would just sit there and let your wife control everything, if she suggests you to give/receive something from the other woman, do it. But don’t immediately jump on the other woman in front of her.
Your wife will probably be capable of finding someone to fit the deed if y’all agree to it.
Did she say this was a fantasy she wants to play out irl? Bc thats not always the case so if she didnt specify that she actually wants to do this, you need to clarify that with her. You should also talk to her about your hesitations and what it is that she’d be looking for (i.e. she being the focus, what type of touch/actions each of you would be comfortable with, would it be a one-night stand with someone you both just met vs someone you’d get to know a little, etc).
Go for it bro you would love it
It’s better if it’s a stranger you never have to talk to again. Less chance any feelings develop.
Express your body image issues to your wife but also understand that the other woman will see/meet you beforehand and have an opportunity to say no if she’s not into your body type (for example). So once it’s a go try to remind yourself that everyone else is okay with your body in that situation.
Discuss boundaries/expectations with your wife, then let her find the other woman. Once she has a few interested options then you can join the vetting process.
Most of all remember this doesn’t have to happen right away, be honest with your wife through it all and understand that you can say no and pull the plug on this at any time if it doesn’t feel right.
I had the same experience with my ex wife, she is the one that wanted to try it, but I wasn’t hesitant hahaha. At the end neither of us liked it, she got insecure and weird feelings, I thought it was very boring and messy, like trying to do things that look cool in porn but in real life feel odd, uncomfortable and not connecting.
I agree with others, if you try it do it with a stranger!
Enjoy your divorce
my guess is it’s over , if you think this is a one Time thing yiur crazy . She is saying she wants sex wirh men and woman and if you think she will never sleep with another woman yiu crazy and eventually she might be having threesome but your not the man . Younare safety net to hide her sexUality and help provide her lifestyle
Enjoy
Just don’t. The ways it can wrong are numerous. The ways it goes well are not…
Unless you like to gamble….
Edit: its also a red flag that she isn’t into you. Women who are really into their guys don’t typically want to share them.
LoL she’s already had it, you weren’t there however. You said she’s had her flings when you opened the relationship FOR HER, and I’m willing to bet one of those flings was your wife being third wheel in that couples 3way.
Get tested for STD’s and do not do the three-way or open your relationship. And how do you know she’s actually closed it off if she’s wanting a three-way with you this time?
Hate to say it but you’re legally tied to this person but catching a permanent disease is worse than the ugly divorce from this person.
When an open relationship is brought up in any form by a woman it is one of three things:
1. A trap. “You got to sleep with a woman, so I should get to sleep with a man now.”
2. She is cheating. Her current AP will be the M in your first MFM.
3. She has an appointment to cheat with someone once she gets you conditioned for it.
Kinda just sounds like she might be gay not bi
Don’t do it. Fantasies belong in your head.
If you aren’t comfortable it’s a no. It sounds like your wife is wishing you were still open. Kind of a red flag, What’s the possibility she at some point in your relationship tells you that she has to have women too for your marriage to work?
Please read the latebloomerlesbian sub here and you don’t to end there 15 years from now
https://youtu.be/j6_pv_vRHKI?si=jtyB9_dJIop56V1E
1. It’s always about the wife even if it’s MWM. That’s just how these things roll. I’m bisexual and even then I’ve had exactly one MWM threesome where I was the focus. My advice is to come to terms with your wife (not the special guest star) spending a majority of the time focusing on you. It might not turn out that way, but consider it a massive gift if it doesn’t and make sure to commit everything to memory.
2. It’s like any sex. It’s only really good if everyone is comfortable, has some trust, likes each other, and thinks everyone involved is sexy. Meeting up ahead of time is very important to see if you actually like each other. That should also help alleviate some of the body issues you expressed.
3. Skipping ahead, it sounds like your wife already has partners with whom she plays. If that’s true, I’m 90% sure she already has someone in mind. They’ve probably already discussed it between themselves. My advice is to ask if she has someone in mind and then ask to meet them socially. Go out for drinks or dinner and see if you connect. You can also then feel the waters how you may react to actually seeing your wife with someone else. It’s really far too late to realize you really AREN’T good with this when everyone is naked or getting naked.
Clear comms between the 3 of you. Divide you time equally, finish with your wife. It’s not rocket surgery.
Listen, you don’t have to do anything you are uncomfortable with. It’s a sh*tty thing if she tries to force you into this. I have read so many stories where 3 somes and open relationships absolutely back fired. Couples that felt nothing could ever tear them apart, wound up totally miserable. Think hard what YOU really want.
The only safe way to do this and maintain relationship is having a 3 way relationship where all 3 of you are literally together and love each other with mutual understanding just like a 2 person M/M, M/F, F/F.
If not then someone is getting hurt or left out or cheat. Choose your poison cause once you go in this there’s like no turning back.
Handful of things:
1. Opening it up the first go round was prolly a bad idea in general. Did you get with women during that time? The way you worded your post, it sure seems like “no, you didn’t.” Seems more like “consent” so there wasn’t cheating (by her).
2. What if you all have the threesome, and she throws a fit the instant you’re doing something with the other woman?
3. Would you do a MMF threesome? Because what if you agree to #2, and then slippery slope, now she wants two dicks at the same time.
It all just sounds like convenient ways of banging other women without officially “cheating.”
Being her first, it sounds like she didn’t explore enough, now has regret, and wants to get what she can by “not cheating” her way into it.
What if you say no? You think she’s gonna resent you? Go behind your back and cheat anyway?
Can’t change the past, but, I think you opened the box opening the relationship.
Personally, I’d likely just call it all off. (Well, after the MFF threesome. 😛 )
Opening up your marriage sounds physically appealing and tantalizing. It is only going to lead to trouble. It will not deepen the connection between you and your wife. People will tell you it will enhance your sex life. Maybe, but at the expense of your marriage.
Highly recommend you don’t do this and seek couples therapy together.
You have to have a serious conversation with your wife about what she and you want to happen and what, under no circumstances must not happen. On the first reading it appears that she wants to indulge in sex with a woman without the feeling of cheating on you. That could mean she wants to play with the woman (maybe even has a specific woman she desires) without you even doing anything sexual with the other woman. Maybe she wants you to just watch from the sidelines or just play with her and feels cheated if you play with the other girl. If you take part, what is allowed and what is beyond her boundaries? You have to have the same open talk with the third party. She has to know what is allowed and what to expect.
I would talk to her about her expectations for a 3some, is it to watch you have sex with the other woman, or find a way to get your approval to sleep with other women?
what is it you want from this?
Are you going to feel rejected if you sit there with your dick in your hand and the other woman doesn’t touch you?
This won’t end well
I had a threesome because I truly thought I wanted one. I mean, I reaaaally wanted one. A year afterward, I had this immense feeling of regret. It hit me out of nowhere and made me feel like shit. Make sure she has thought out everything emotionally before doing it.
Don’t do it, man. This shit works out like maybe 20% of the time. The rest of the time it goes sour and can poison the whole relationship.
Plenty of things seem like they’d be sexy but don’t end up being so.