Hey everyone! Its been a week since my birthday and I am still processing: I am a DJ and last year my career started developing quite fast. During this year I got many connections and had a feeling I have some friends even of they are not close ones. So, on my birthday I was playing at the party, it wasnt dedicated to my birthday, but I decided to use this chance to celebrate also my birthday and invited some of my friends. As a result only 4 persons arrived, all of them djs, people of my professional sphere, all “friends” wrote a messages with excuses like “sorry I am too tired today and the club is too far (even if it was 20 min from her place)” and next day I see stories she came to another party so seems that she was trying to save her energy and thats why didnt come to my birthday. Another friend didnt come without any notice and even didnt congratulate me with a message, and then just started sending stupid reels in instagram like before…Other friends just didnt come or had other stupid excuses. I still cant believe I am so unloved that people around me are not able to pay me attention on my birthday which is 1 day a year! I hate my birthday because its always like this. I am trying to build up the friendship with people, paying attentin to them, help, supporting and then on my birthday I realize that I dont have friends. I am 30 and still totally lonely. I have a boyfriend who cares but thats all, I think normally you should also have friends, especially when you are working in nightlife where social interaction is very important. I think I have problems with it, because somehow I feel that people dont like me or I simply dont attract them. I feel like I am not able to be valuable for people and they totally dont give a fuck about me because probably I am doing smth wrong. I know I’m very shy in most cases with people I barely know and sometimes feel like I can’t express myself enough. But I can feel I made a progress in social interaction, however I dont see any result…Sorry if everything sounds too messy, I feel very depressed and my thoughts are foggy. Maybe someone can give me an advice..Thanks.
2 comments
I’m gonna lay it on hard here but you’re 30 so I think its time you heard it: Your birthday isn’t special. When you were a kid yeah its a big thing. As an adult, its a lighthearted excuse to go out with friends (on the same level as ‘5pm means we can drink’). But to still expect special treatment in the form of obligated compliance from friends is childish. Your friends likely feel that. And its pushing them away.
Let friends give you the gifts and love they’re willing to give. Which includes an excuse to celebrate. Do not obligate your friends to give you their gifts and love.
I’m sorry ur going thru this I understand it sucks and it’s probably something that’s been ur life for a while. But the good news is u can change all that right now, 1st u need to love yourself, u sound insecure which I understand probably happened a while ago though some unfortunate events, but u live here in the present stop letting stupid things from the past dictate ur life right now, you need to stop feeling stupid, lame, unworthy, awkward, boring, odd, ect., instead you tell yourself in the mirror and throughout the day that ur beautiful, smart, worthy, talented, kind, caring, hardworking, cool, ect. It’s not easy but if u get the balls, the anger, and the bravery to fight for the life u want it will happen, it will definitely take some time for u to reprogram the old thinking with the new thinking but it’s soo worth it thrust me. 2nd your never to old to celebrate life lol, like ppl leave this earth all ages everyday so as mundane as someone wants to make a birthday appear, no it’s still a miracle for someone to live another year and u can celebrate how ever the hell u want, the problem is the ppl u called “friends” aren’t friends, u weren’t asking for too much I’d be pissed too cuz they made no effort, so if u wanna keep these ppl around as ppl i sometimes hang with go ahead but don’t give to much time or energy to them or just cut them out, ur real friends are gonna happen when u do step 1 and have ur I love myself glow up, when u change how u feel about yourself you will find yourself at the right places, the right opportunities and with the right ppl. These people will reciprocate the love, attention, and effort that u give in friendships. The biggest tip I can give besides loving yourself is stop putting ppl in pedestals where ever you are these ppl are not better than you, there is no reason to be intimidated by everyone or feel like the loser in every room, we’re all the same thing, we all come into the world the same way, need water, breath air, grow hair, pee, eat, have nipples, u get the point, stop putting yourself down and feeling inferior, ur are strong and capable like everyone else, walk with a sense of pride (obviously don’t be disrespectful but u know what I mean) and ur gonna have to treat you like the friend you wish u had with kindness, respect, and patience cuz if you treat others that way but then treat yourself poorly, there’s a disconnect and that’s just not gonna work, in whatever situation ur in ask yourself what advice you’d give a friend and then take it yourself (this right here has helped me a lot when I find myself in a uncomfortable situation and not sure what to do)
I wish you the best friend, and I believe that u can do it. Happy belated birthday:)