Hello redditors ,
I don’t want to bother you with a wall of texts.
The problem is I want to be loved and appreciated . I long for this , wish to have friends and community. However, if that happened, I withdraw, start to ignore people and shut myself off of people. I don’t like when people say nice words and complements to me . I don’t believe them ! I felt like they are passive aggressive toward me .
For instance, I’ve always gotten jealous of my co workers receiving BD gifts and hugs and parties . I feel alone every time I saw them happy with people , but I don’t show it ofc . Then , my pinky toe got broken two weeks ago and I took sick leave that period of time .
When I come back to my workplace , people threw me a big big party ,cake , bouquet of flowers, and a necklace made of gold that worth around 70$ . Everyone celebrated including my boss and supervisors .
I cried alot and hugged everyone but I felt so undeserving, unworthy. I almost ALMOST told them you overacted , cuz why all that for a broken toe .
I kept thinking about it all day and made scenarios of them being forced to throw this party.
I even felt ashamed to go to work next week .
What the hell is wrong with me ?