I’m going to keep this as brief as I can!
My partner and I have very different personal connections to sex. For me, it’s an intense and fun thing to do with someone you trust very much. For them, it’s an emotional experience that creates a deep (even spiritual) bond.
This difference triggered a lot of insecurity for them, and for a long time we’ve tried (and failed) to get on the same page. I tried to make it more meaningful and emotional experience for me, but that unfortunately, only made sex with my partner less and less enticing to me. For me, the appeal of sex is finally NOT having to think and just DO.
They relate sex so closely with general closeness and health of the relationship, that when I’m not interested it almost feels like abandonment to them. I know if I reject a sexual advance from them, it will totally derail their mood and make them feel insecure. The fact that it’s been built up into a ‘big deal’ has totally turned me off.
And so it’s a vicious cycle! I don’t want to have sex because it feels like it’s been built up so big and no longer fun, and every time I show disinterest my partner gets more and more upset about the health of our sex life, turning me off more! I just hate feeling like I *have* to have sex. I want to *want* to have sex! But I haven’t felt that way in a while now.
Looking for advice on how to break this cycle or any other perspectives. Thanks!
2 comments
It sounds to me that the two of you may simply not be compatible.
You need to have a serious conversation in a non sexual situation and talk about your different perspectives, see if there is any possible compromise possible.
I guess you are addressing your partner by saying they, them, their, etc.
If so, I have a question if this is not a problematic or too personal question.
Are you a man, and is the other party a woman?
If this is also true, I think this is because of gender. Because we have different builds.
On the breaking of this vicious cycle of yours, unfortunately, I don’t have the magical solution.
This seemed a bit like a professional and time consuming task.