I(22f) recently hung out with a couple of my close friends, we talked about sex a little bit. At one point one of them says her bf “tried to put it in her butt” and they both reacted as if that was gross and how they respect themselves too much to do that with a guy. I was too embarrassed to say that I actually do that with my bf so I just stayed quiet during that part of the conversation. I guess I’m asking for advice on how to get over this embarrassment so that I can be more confident so that if I ever want to vent to my close friends about my sex life, I can do so without filtering a significant part of it. For those of you who may have a similar mindset as my friends, how would you react if one of your close friends tells you they do that with their bf?
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Laugh and say you don’t know if you like it until you try it.
TONS of women have fantastic orgasms from anal (especially, anal + clit stim).
I find that in most things, if you act like you don’t give a shit what people thing, they leave you alone. Of course, I also find that the older I get, the less I actually do give a shit what people think.
I’ll be honest and tell you that I find it gross, but that is me doing it and not other people. You probably should have said something to them about you enjoying it. Your friends will look at you weirdly, but maybe then they would be curious as to what it is like. It sounds like they have never done anal, so they just have a gut reaction to it.
My friends are really closed off about sex too. Girls can be really judgmental. Idk what the solution is but I also don’t get too much into details about my sex life.
“..how to get over this embarrassment so that I can be more confident so that if I ever want to vent to my close friends about my sex life, I can do so without filtering a significant part of it.”
Maybe you don’t need to be venting/discussing your sex life with your girlfriends.
They are not in a position to help you address issues in your bedroom.
It’s okay to have a *private* life. Your friends aren’t entitled to know *everything* you do.
People who exercise discretion don’t lack confidence. They share what *they* want to share.
Secondly, if you are worried about *being judged* by “your friends” they aren’t very close friends.
Just because they may not be into what you and your boyfriend are into shouldn’t matter.
Lastly, don’t be surprised if they *eventually* try something they swore they’d never do.
Very few things are ever written in stone. I swore I would never get married.
This past August I celebrated my 15th wedding anniversary! 😂
Best wishes!
>and they both reacted as if that was gross and how they respect themselves too much to do that with a guy
Chances are, they act this way because they think they have to act this way. I’ll bet even money if you take a leadership role and confidently admit to doing it and liking it, they will at least open up about their own curiosity. You are hardly a minority. Maybe in decades past, but this is 2023 … so many more people out there enjoying all kinds of stuff.
If they continue to play the ew gross game, then they are on the trail to a pretty minimalist sexual lifestyle and you know who not to talk to about that subject anymore.
I found a podcast called “My Dad Wrote a Porno” and it helped a lot! It’s three British friends that read erotic literature that one of their dads wrote, and make fun of it/critique his writing. It’s so ridiculous and funny that it helped change my perspective of sex. It wasn’t some mystical act that I was scared of anymore. Instead it made me realize sex is a fun activity that all partners should enjoy! And the more in your head you are about it, the less you get out of it.
Plus, if you get enjoyment out of something like anal then who cares? Don’t let others high and might attitudes make you feel embarrassed about something you like to do!
My best advice is do not vent to your friends about your sex life if it’s with a current partner. Men do not appreciate it at all and the more you tell them the more it can be used against you/judged for it or the more likely they will want to give him a ride when you break up.. or worse, even if you don’t…
Everyone wants to trust their friends but I’ve learned that people don’t need to know about your sex life and it’s better if they don’t.
I think it makes sense why you stayed quiet, because you were in the company of girls who are grappling with their own shame.
Also just to note, please don’t feel bad about yourself for this. Doing anal does not mean you don’t respect yourself and actually when done in a safe and consensual way can be very empowering.
I would just say that you enjoy how your vf makes you feel andove how he brings you to orgasm. If they push for more details you could say you have q tight hole and he has large cock.
I mean I get that anal isn’t for everyone and there is a gross factor to it, but sex is pretty gross to begin with.
I mean we remain in clothes pretty close to everywhere except sometimes when we are home, we try not to touch eachother much in general. We need to maintain distance.
Then we are told it’s ok to put a body part inside another person (with proper concent) and she will not only like it she will most likely want it more.
Weird.
Back in the day, girls were reluctant to admit the truth to close friends (and even themselves) denying that they engaged in certain sexual activities (masturbation, getting fingered, oral, swallowing, intercourse, anal, etc.) with their boyfriends. So, I’d be cautious about relying totally on a couple of your girlfriend’s reactions.
I recall my group of guy friends 11-12th grade having an impromptu discussion at a party with 8-10 cute and popular girls in high school about masturbation. None of the girls in mixed company would admit to having masturbated, called it “a guy thing.” We called them liars and laughed while 100% of us guys there freely admitted to jerking-off regularly. The girls weren’t shocked.
We now know that girls generally mature faster than guys and that statistically most of them were masturbating as well, likely beginning at an age before us. Girls were either too embarrassed, wanted to maintain their pure image reputations, were fearful of being judged and slut-shamed, likely by other girls. Girls could be extremely mean in that way, perhaps it’s still the same.
In fact, guys would always talk in the locker room and many admitted to getting oral from their girlfriends and several confessed to having the occasional anal escapade (to avoid the chance of pregnancy). All of the girls who had dated a guy or multiple guys for almost any length of time were getting fingered. After filtering-out the braggarts and liars, we knew what certain girls in chill were doing with their dates or boyfriends. Interestingly, as guys we never slut shamed girls who did things with their boyfriends. If we knew the guy was being honest (you can tell), then we’d high-five him and think “Lucky you!” Didn’t think bad of the girls either. We respected their sexual maturity at a young age in a way because it was hot and we recognized her ability to please her partner. However, the girls themselves wouldn’t even admit to touching themselves, much less to any other activities.