Long story short last night my boyfriend admitted to me that he was extorted on Snapchat by one of those Nigerian people 6 months ago, who basically pretended to be a girl and got him to send nudes, then threatened to send them to his family and friends. I feel sorry for him but at the same time, we have been dating for over a year and he was sexting and sending nudes to who he thought was another girl. I don’t know what to do right now, I’m angry at how stupid he was for doing that, upset that he was sexting someone else, and sad that he was a victim of sextortion. I guess my question to you all is would you consider it cheating? And what should I do next?
Edit: I honestly really want to forgive him but I know that it will just create a really toxic environment for the both of us.
46 comments
Yeah that’s def cheating. It’s hard to feel sympathy for him. Now imagine if it was a real girl and even local. What’s there to say he wouldn’t have done more?
Yeah it seems like he was totally willing to cheat.
Intent matters. If you are messaging someone to hook up and it doesn’t work out or they ghost you at the hotel you don’t get to say because sex never happened you weren’t unfaithful. He was sexting with the understanding it was another woman. He was unfaithful even if he was scammed.
By the way a ton of those scammers make accounts on Reddit and do the same here. Having been messaged by them they all are terrible at any basic conversation and try to get to either you giving money or sending pictures in the first 2-5 messages. They spam as many people as possible knowing desperate guys who don’t think at all will end up falling for it so it requires no effort. What I’m saying is your boyfriend basically saw “hey sexy” along with some catfish photo and his first thought was to immediately do that.
It’s kind of funny, from a karmic standpoint.
Yes it’s like cheating.
Dump him that’s cheating at the end of the day
The question goes to intent: he sent nudes to someone other than you. Just because he sent them to a scammer, doesn’t mean he didn’t send them to someone he *thought* was a receptive girl that *was not you.*
Yes, it was an attempt to cheat, or at least get his jollies off.
Do with that what you will, but my recommendation would be to leave this knucklehead to his stupidity.
He got fucked in a way he wasn’t expecting. Still cheating.
It kind of feels like he’s with you but has THIS going on in private
So you’re his GF up to a point but then he’s playing the internet field of “virtual” interaction
This is common, sadly
I think you should accept this is where HE’S at and ask yourself if you want to be with someone who is going to do this
If you want to make your point you could always say “yeah I got asked for nudes of this guy i was interacting with online once. Don’t worry, it was before I met you”
Leave that with him for a week or three
He cheated and now he’s fucking lying to you.
He thought it was another girl.
Now he’s doing a preemptive strike before word leaks out. Trying to make it seem like “oh I did the right thing by telling you first!”
When he literally just admitted that he wanted to sext another girl and got scammed.
Either way scam or not – he by definition cheated
Btw any time they threaten to send your nudes to your family- it’s a lie (unless they personally know you and your family)
Tell him you sent me nudes and see how he reacts?
It’s cheating
E-cheating is still cheating only he got caught and it wasn’t by you. This is what happens when you think you can get away with doing things behind peoples backs. Sometimes you get caught in ways that you don’t expect….
Yes and he furthers it by falling for one of the most common scams. Direct him to the scam subreddit: they’ll tell him to not worry and to stop sending nudes to random people but also what to watch for next. Then, end it. If he was genuinely remorseful I could possibly see understanding but, he’s crapping himself because the scammer is threatening to expose him to everyone and their dog. That’s not *sorry I did this* that’s *sorry I got caught* and there’s a big difference.
Yes I would consider exchanging nudes as some form of cheating. If you do, depends on you.
What you should do next? Ask him: “So if this wouldn’t have been extortion where you have to fear that I’ll get told about it any time, would you have told me about your sexual adventure exchanging nudes with some other girl? What you did is cheating. And you are only sorry because you did it with the wrong person.”
He sent those nudes with intent. His intent was to cheat, obviously it wasnt to get extorted. Yea, it was cheating.
It’s still cheating lol, don’t feel bad for him. He deserved it. He needs to learn from his mistakes. Leave his ass.
That is absolutely cheating. He was sending nudes to that person and who knows who else. The extortion is the only reason you even know about it.
Is it cheating? Yes.
What should you do next? Is he actively sending money to the scammer? if so, he should stop immediately and deal with any fallout like an adult.
But you should give some serious thought to a relationship with a person who 1) sends nudes to strangers, and 2) was scammed quite easily.
You are so gullible. Don’t believe this lie.
It’s cheating. You are both young. He is an idiot, but also if he was sexting that still shows intent. You just should let him go.
Under what circumstances would you send nudes to someone other than your boyfriend? He is seeking sexual interaction in person or otherwise from someone other than you. How does that make you feel? This is about how you feel not about what he meant, or his mistake. What do you want? And I implore you to want more for yourself ❤️
I’ve been there before. I stayed with my bf but I was never able to get over it. Honestly sometimes I think I should have broken up with him at the time.
Yes its cheating. I doubt he would be thrilled if you sent nudes to other guys.
As far as hes concerned it sucks to be him. Im sure hes grown up with the internet, knows the dangers of doing bs like that. He made his bed let him lie in it. Let it be a lesson to him.
2 things :
1- everyone here, including you, knows he MEANT to cheat on you. So there’s that, I’m sorry you went through that.
2- he needs to take all information he has to the police. That way this person can be tracked as much as possible and hopefully caught. this scammer shit will never change if people don’t do their due diligence and report.
Yes, it’s cheating.
Honestly I’m of the mindset that Snapchat is meant for cheating and sneaky behavior.
If you choose to stay in this relationship you may want to set some boundaries and ask him why he has issues with self control.
Yeah the fact that it was a scammer isn’t an issue. The issue is that your partner was sending nudes to someone he _thought_ was a real woman. Unless that was otherwise okay’d in your relationship, then he cheated on you. No one forced him to take dick pics and send it to the scammer.
The only forgiveable sextortion would be if your boyfriend was having an ex threatening to expose nudes from their time together.
I would consider it cheating and break up. I would talk to my partner about it and why they did it but I would never be able to trust them again
The question is.. do YOU consider it cheating?
If you do, then dump him asap.
Sure as hell that I wuld leave his cheating ass in a second. Block , go NC and hope he has fun with the extortion.
He cheated AND the moron got scammed. He’s twice an idiot at the same time. Dump him, unless you’re also an idiot.
Yes it’s cheating. He maybe didn’t mean to cheat with a scammer dude, but he DID mean to cheat.
Even if there was nothing physical, it is cheating. He is not worth a penny or a glass of water. You know what to do.
The intent is there. Could’ve very easily been a real person.
He fucked around snd found out !
I’d consider it a definite breach of fidelity.
You can be sympathetic to the fact he was exploited, while still being angry at him trying to cheat on you.
Your boyfriend is not only a cheat, he’s also an idiot. Both are good reasons to leave him.
His intention was to cheat and my thought is this isn’t the first time he had sent nudes.
Drop his ass. Don’t even give him the time of day or an explanation other than… “Hey, this isn’t working out for me, best of luck to you.”
Don’t show any remorse to a turd like him, he sure the hell didn’t consider your feelings when he did that dumb shit. Don’t even leave him any options to apologize because he did what TF he wanted to do and simply isn’t sorry!
You’re young and deserve better!
Good luck 🍀 OP!
You know exactly what to do.
Cheating AND stupid wow
Yeah I’d stay with him, sounds like a keeper
Victim of Sextortion implies that he was not a willing participant in the actions of another. In this case, his sextortion is the same as being catfished. Regardless of what they said to him, he believed this girl to be real. Saw a comfortable relationship with her to send her nudes.
Had she been real, what then?
Sadly, he can’t be trusted. The next girl will be real and so will the cheating. This wasn’t a physical relationship because of distance. But he saw something there and sent picture to his long-distance partner
Happily, he got caught and this is his punishment. Maybe it will teach him to be more faithful
Ask yourself. If I had a child with this idiot, would they survive to at least the age of 18?
Act accordingly.
Lmao play dumb games win dumb prizes
Dump him. You’re not married. Move on. It will be a good life lesson for him to learn.
My ex-boyfriend fell for a similar scam. Break up— it’s not worth it. It’s a combination of cheating and general stupidity, that either way does not bode well for the future of the relationship.
You are way too young to stay there. 18 is way too early to stress for this, dump his ass, he was being unfaithful and karma got him
Yes its cheating, straight up, dont ever feel sorry for him, he deserves worse lmao