My husband is an alcoholic. I knew that when I married him, other than the alcohol he is an extremely loving, caring, and a wonderful father. In March my husband got his 4th DWI. I told him if you want to stay with me, you must do the following things.
Go to AA once every week.
You must start going to therapy.
Start the process of stopping drinking.
There were a few other minor things but those were the big 3. Like every marriage we have our ups and downs. Money is an issue for us, just like 80% of the country. We also have a 1yr old. I will be honest I also complain about all the normal married issues that everyone mostly does like he does not pick up after himself, does not clean up the house, on his days off he does not want to help around the house or with childcare because that is his day off, all the normal married issues fights. That is on top of the alcohol fights.
Out of the three big items he has only done one, he has reduced his drinking. He went from drinking 6 pack of IPAs a night to 1 beer. Is it progress yes, which is why I stay. Is it everything I asked for no, but I love him, and I am trying, and I can see he is trying. Recently we have been getting into fights because of his cooking. He will cook enough food for 5-6 people and it’s just the 3 of us and one is a child. I will tell him the next day to not to buy anything and we need to eat leftovers because of how much he made and he will agree, but then I will come home, and he will be cooking something new. He will also cook extravagant meals like lobster tails, shrimp, and steak. I keep telling him I love you and I love that you are cooking but please don’t cook so much and buy cheaper stuff.
He keeps saying now that I am asking too much. He says well he is not drinking at a bar he is drinking at home. He says well I cooked and it’s not enough for you. I don’t think I am asking too much of him, but every time now that we get into a fight he says, “you are asking to much”.
I am 98% sure I am not asking too much but I might be.
3 comments
he drastically cut back his drinking and cooks you feasts every day yet still you harass him?
You aren’t asking too much regarding the alcohol, but all that is probably super time consuming. It’s probably safe for him to cold turkey, but without the other things, relapses are more likely. The meals, I think you should disregard. He’s cooking, it’s quality/healthy food, you have leftovers for lunch, and he has something to focus on that he clearly enjoys outside of alcohol. The food budget increased as the beer budget decreased, it’s probably fine, but you might want to go over a weekly grocery budget so you’re both on the same page.
Alcoholics typically do more than one thing too much. Drink too much, work too much, etc… maybe he is using these extravagant dinners as a distraction? Doing something else over the top to avoid other things. Just my thoughts from previous experiences. I think you are going to just going to decide if he is ok for you… do you want this. Sounds like he isn’t going to change much more. Do his good qualities outweigh the ones that make you complain? You probably won’t get everything you ask for. He may honestly be giving you his best self right now.