We’ve been friends since we were little kids

I noticed I was the one to ALWAYS initiate the hangouts. He always agreed, but I remember having a gut feeling that I would never hear from him ever again if I stopped texting first.

It’s now been one month.

39 comments

  1. I do this too. It’s a good thing to do IMO, you should never give more of yourself if they don’t reciprocate

  2. Instead of playing these stupid games, why don’t you tell him how this situation makes you feel in a mature way and see what he says about it, before cutting a lifelong relationship?

  3. One month is really not a long time. One of my best friends and I went 8 years once, just busy living different lives.

    How old are you?

  4. This could be me on the other end. This is how I’ve lost so many people I love.

    I often feel like I’m a burden or don’t feel like I have anything worth saying, and then I don’t text first. I keep going back and looking at the last text over and over again and the longer time stretches between now and that text the more guilt and shame I feel over not responding. At the same time letting the lack of communication from the other side confirm all my worst fears about that relationship and myself.

  5. The social skills answer is to never think of relationships as transactional. Text your friends if you want to talk to them. Keeping score and seeing who texts first are good ways to end up with no friends. It doesn’t matter who texts first.

  6. One month isnt that long.

    You’ve been best friends since you were little kids but you’re still so insecure about the relationship that you’re getting yourself worked up and thinking the friendship is over for nothing? Don’t be that guy.

    If he’s saying yes to hanging out and isn’t making excuses to avoid you then he still wants to be your friend. Don’t push him away by being clingy or angry that he’s not a good texter.

  7. I know this feeling. My very good friend doesn’t really reach out to me. I always have to contact him.

  8. Try, “Hey, let me know when you’re free. I’d like to hang out with you again.”

    Leaves it open for your best friend to reach out

  9. This happened to me, and I never heard from her again. It really hurt at the time but I realised I was the only one trying to arrange hangouts etc. and I figured I was just forcing things in the end. In hindsight it was a really one way friendship.

  10. Forget them. I’ve heard it all, from the blatantly obvious (“I’m busy (all the time)), to the creative (“object permanence” (they forget things if they’re not in their face daily)). Bullshit.

    Relationships are two-way streets. If you’re the one always reaching out, always carrying the load, that’s not a relationship.

    Would you do it for a significant other/ marriage partner? If not, why do it for a friend? As the old saying goes: *the door swings both ways*.

  11. >I remember having a gut feeling that I would never hear from him ever again if I stopped texting first.

    So why would you stop texting? You have a friend that responds and always accepts hangout invites and you have an issue with that?

    He’s your friend, ask him why he doesn’t reach out to you. You might be the only thing keeping him moving forward. Don’t play games with the people in your life. If you win, no one cares and if you lose, everyone loses.

  12. I think the best solution is to gather a group of friends (him not included) and beat the shit out of him

  14. It’s just that texting has ruined us. Texting is immediate message and it’s awkward if you send one and it’s awkward especially when you don’t know what to talk about, I’d just confront them in person and see what’s it all about first

  15. One sided friendships are horrible you shouldn’t always have to text your “best friend “ first 🙄

  16. I think OP is assuming a lot. You are putting to much pressure on your “best friend” to initiate things. However the month without reaching out is quite odd, but it all depends on how old you two are and etc.
    I would just ask. Be honest about how you feel.

    “I feel like I was the one to always initiate our hangouts and there was no initiative from you. I want you to know that initiating hits deep for me. It shows me you care about our friendship. If you still want to continue being friends moving forward I want you to be more active in our relationship because I consider you my best friend.”

    That’s perfect. At the end of the day, being honest and telling people how you feel is always the answer.

  17. Comments here are harsh. I totally understand that if he really is your best friend you’d expect him to try and socialize with you too. Because that’s what people do who care for each other. I don’t think you did something wrong, but now maybe the time has come were you should write him and ask him what you thought. “Hey man, It feels like I’m always the one reaching out to you, is everything cool between us?” Something like that maybe. You could be even more truthful and say that you feel like you are the only one trying to keep the friendship going. Wish you luck either way man!

  19. Both of you are childhood friends and you always initiate your conversation and your friend always agrees to hangout with you but you haven’t spoken with him since a month as you did not text first. I have similar type of friends who will never initiate a conversation, I initially used to feel bothered but then I asked him and his reply was ‘Oh I never realized that. You know I was busy ‘. But after that he now checks up regularly and we don’t hangout much whenever we do it’s epic. So my advice will be to ask him and please don’t overthink. Some people just don’t know how to maintain friendships or relationships but they are good. And since you wrote your friend hangout with you I can assume he still likes you. Don’t worry. I hope I make sense.

  20. Just wait. Sometimes not forcing hangouts is good for a friendship. It should be a fun spontaneous thing rather than an obligatory hangout every X days to mark it off the checklist.

  22. If you are fortunate enough to have someone who always agrees to hang with you, take the W and initiate the convo. Don’t get hung up on who pursues who.

  23. maybe y’all are drifting apart

    though in the meantime, try different social outlets and ppl who mutually initiate social interactions and value ur time and attnetion

  24. I am sorry but I do this too cuz I hate texting. It rarely goes somewhere interesting unless someone talking news.

  26. I’ve already cut several people out of my life for this reason. They’re usually circumstantial relationships (school, work) that don’t pass the test when we’re not forced to see each other every week anymore.

    This may be intentionnal or not on their part, but I don’t want this kind of one sided relationship. I have a few long lasting friendships that are balanced and that’s what I like.

    My time is better spent meeting new people than chasing old accointances for their attention.

  27. You’ll be surprised how many people you’ll lose once you stop being the only one to give. You deserve people who want you as much in their life as you want them in yours.

  30. Ask him for help.

    Some people are not ‘talk’ but ‘action’ people. If he will decline for no reason then he is not Your real friend. If he accept You will spend time doing something together which will bring You closer.

  31. I just came out of a 10 year communication drought with a very old friend. He stopped communicating, and he was the one coming back to me, apologizing, and asking for us to meet again. I’m not one to hold a grudge, so we met and it was like before, even though we had both changed over that time.

    Obviously I won’t be as close to him as before, but I’m happy to know he still exists and was willing to apologize and explain. He is the kind to always diminish himself so I’m sure this was related. I’m not in a hurry to contact him again though. I’ll probably do it eventually, but I’ll start small, like birthdays.

    So to your point OP: it’s really hard to know what goes on in the head of others. If you feel like you want to meet, do it. If you feel disrespected, say it to him face to face, and hash it out. Lookup NVC (Nonviolent communication), it really helps in cases like these.

    Good luck!

  32. Yeah, no that’s not your friend. If you have to initiate everything first then clearly you’re the only one trying to keep the friendship alive. Let it die. Friendships should take effort of all parties involved.

  33. I’m not this person and I’m not in their head. I haven’t talked to the person I consider my best friend in about a month(he called). We’ve gone much longer than that without speaking to each other it’s always a pleasure to hang out and we understand each other and get along in a way that’s confusing to some but we don’t reach out often, me less than him.

  34. I have a friend who was going through a terrible marriage and was so depressed that she didn’t even want to talk to me. She felt that all she would do is complain, nothing hopeful. Eventually, she attempted to take her life. If I hadn’t had the attitude of waiting until I heard from her, I may have been able to help her. Don’t give up on your friend.

  35. I stopped texting my best friend at the start of march and she didn’t respond to me either. The other day I shot out a message to her and she responded back super excited, telling me she’d missed me and thought that I didn’t want to talk to her anymore since I wasn’t the one messaging her, miscommunication on both sides.

    some people are just like that or misinterpret it

  36. Yeah this is the one thing I’m scared of when I make new friends. I always believe relationships have to go both ways since it really does feel like the other person might not actually be interested in me all along, and it’s something I hope to happen as less as possible since I’m kinda bound to meet at least a few of them while getting to know more people.

  37. “Someone isn’t replying to me after I ghosted them, they’re the bad person in this scenario” ok

  38. is this the only thing wrong with your friendship? if it bothers you, let them know. otherwise, it’s pretty immature and petty to “ghost” a friend who might not know they’re doing it.

    some people are just bad at reaching out to others. life gets in the way, sometimes you have nothing to say, sometimes you feel like a burden. do you communicate in other ways? play video games, send each other memes and tik toks?

    friendship is a lot more than just the initial effort you put in.

    I have 1 person I consider my best friend. we can go months without seeing each other, weeks without a conversation. I tend to reach out to her first, but that doesn’t bother me as she shows she cares in other ways.

  39. You can ask him why he never initiates anything – that’s what I did with my friend group (sadly they gave me some excuse, but at least I know they didn’t care too much). Maybe he just didn’t realise.
    It’s been 15 months since I last saw my friends. Besides me being always the one to reach out first, they always forgot about my birthday, they forgot about my eye surgery, and if I didn’t ask them to hang out before my exchange semester, we wouldn’t have met. Well, it was nice 14 years of friendship. It hurts knowing that your friendship probably “expired”, but if you feel like it’s one sided, it’s time to let go. You can still value the memories and all the good things.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like