When it comes to making friends, I’ve never really been good at all.. I feel like I always give my all, I treat people how I would want to be treated, & I have the biggest fear of disappointing anyone I come across so I’ll tend to do whatever I can to hold onto that relationship.. But once I feel like the same isn’t being reciprocated back.. I’m over it.
So anyway, due to that I typically travel solo and I’m honestly content with that- would it be nice to have a bff to travel with?? Sure, but I know how to have an amazing time regardless and also every time I do travel with someone I find myself wishing I was alone anyway lol, I’m always putting others first and making sure THEY are having a good time, THEY are doing what THEY want to do, etc.. As selfish as it sounds, its fucking nice being the one in charge for once and making myself happy.
So I booked a cruise planning on going alone and I gained the new work friend- We hung out outside of work and I won’t lie it was an amazing time- we laughed our asses off the whole night. I had a $100 gift card to this rope course thing and our tickets were $120 total- since I invited her out, I just paid the extra $20.. NBD. With the night being as fun as it was we agreed on going to a haunted house.. but she INSISTED it must be one with a bar… I said ooor we can go pick up some alcohol from the store and pregame in the car and in line.. but again, she insisted we go the one with the bar so that’s were I took us. When we came up to the ticket booth she didn’t realize how much it would cost apparently (keep in mind i work 2 jobs 50-60 hrs/week, by her choice she works 19 hrs/week) so I felt bad and sent her $25 via vemno.. Once we got into the haunted house, you had to pay an additional $18 + tip for the 3 bars inside the haunted house per person.. She stated “I cant afford that, I guess I won’t drink” Well that made me feel like fucking shit so I ended up paying for that as well. At the time, I didn’t really care- I don’t go out much and I was having a good time. As the night went, she mentioned how badly she wanted to come on the cruise and I kept laughing it off saying shit like “that would be funnnnn..” but I know she doesnt have any money.
The following week at work and being the push over that I am, she begged if she could just pay me back.. (I was only charging for her flight and port fees ($500 total)- not the half of what the room what would cost, which would be $1000.. but I had already paid the full $2000 regardless if she went or not) so I said sure and she will be paying me $100/month. Honestly whatever not that big of a deal..
BUT, come to find out from my coworkers her boyfriend is giving her $1000 (to keep for herself, and she doesnt have to pay him back) for the cruise and she told them not to tell me.. So I confronted her and she said that was not was she said she just has not gotten around to telling me yet……… before I knew that I felt bad and also bought us a cheap excursion $120 total but what’s fucked is that she already had the money from her boyfriend and was totally okay with me buying that.
Is this a friend? Am I being used? What can I do now? I do enjoy her company but I hate that she makes me feel like I’m some rich bitch who doesnt mind paying.. I work damn hard for my money and FUCK would it be nice having a friend say “Hey, this one is on me” but yet, I’ll never expect that from anyone. Even with her boyfriend giving the $1000 I’ll bet money on it that she doesnt offer to pay not one of my drinks at the airport or while on the cruise…
I’m defeated.. and sad..
6 comments
It’s sort of like you’re paying for her company. So you have to decide if the company is worth the price. No judgments on that, it’s whatever works for you.
You are being used and you’re enabling the behavior by “feeling bad” and filling her financial void. Ask yourself more about why you feel bad for her. What’s the message there? It’s likely that you’re engaging in a pattern of behavior from childhood where you feel responsible for others, or like you have to sacrifice yourself for love.
Also, both can be true: she can enjoy spending time with you AND love that you pay for her. Just because she’s clearly a mooch doesn’t mean anything about you. The only thing it means is that you have gotta learn to choose yourself and say no to people like this.
Can you get a refund on that plane ticket and port fees? I don’t think you are going to have a good time with her after this.
It’s less like she is using you and more like you’re actively splurging on her…
Im sorry. Next time split costs.
> I do enjoy her company but I hate that she makes me feel like I’m some rich bitch who doesnt mind paying..
You never said “no” to her, so she can’t know how her behaviour makes you feel. From her point of view – you can afford all that stuff and do things for her.
Set a financial boundary and don’t throw you money willy nilly. Work on being ok dissapointing others and not feel bad that you can’t afford or do things to others due to your limits.