My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 3 months and have been long distance for the most part. He lives down the street from me but goes to school in a different area that is only accessible by plane, so I only see him in the summers and every month or so for a week at a time.
I got upset at him tonight because he left this morning, so we are back to long distance and he hung up on me to talk to his friends instead. I tried to explain how I was upset that he chose to prioritise the time with his friends rather than me as I was feeling really upset the entire day and missed him. He was apologising over text, but a couple moments later I ended up receiving a voicemail from him that was 5 min in length.
Around the 3 minute mark of the voicemail I hear him typing loudly and then saying “Fuck you man fuck you (my name) fuck you honestly.
You dumb fucking bitch you’re honestly a slut. Ugh you fucking suck. You’re never there for me.”
This ended up hurting me and I let him know I recieved the voicemail and he has been non stop trying to apologise and is clearly very distressed. He would never say any sort of insults like those towards me, despite him having a bit of a temper sometimes. Since this was indirect and not meant to be heard by me, is this something I should be upset about or break up with him about? I feel hurt but his apologies seem genuine . I really need advice I am not sure what to do.
7 comments
You maybe weren’t suppose to hear it but it seems this is how he really feels. I wouldn’t stay with somebody who talks like this about me.
I’d ask for context. Why was he swearing like that in the first place? I’d honestly be pissed. But I think communication is better than just being angry and dumping him. See if he has a valid excuse for his words and if you think you can forgive him.
Break up and date someone who lives near you.
People tend to be more honest about their feelings towards someone when they’re not around. Think about a time when you may have said something about another person, maybe a coworker, to another person. You meant what you said but you’d never say it like that to their face right?
Same goes here. He said it and yeah he’d never say it like that to your face but those feelings came from somewhere.
It’s entirely up to you how you feel about it and how you take it. If you feel that you can move on from this, not bring it up in arguments or not keep thinking about it then accept the apology and move on.
Ew, leave.
Listen, this may just be me, but imo LDR are futile, frustrating, and oftentimes end in tears. Generally, I always advise people to think very carefully before continuing long distance: how is this going to work practically and what is the medium-, long-term plan.
But that isn’t really what you are asking. Most people lose it on occasion. You hit your finger with a hammer, stub your bare toe on a door edge, or whatever. The way you describe it, this seems to go beyond that. This seems to be your boyfriend completely out of control, but saying things that he perhaps thinks and feels but knows better than to say out loud.
Okay, so maybe he would never say this to your face, but now you know and you can’t unknow it. Personally, I think it would be enough (alongside the LDR) to consider whether this is working, whether this is going anywhere, and, honestly, whether he is the kind of guy you want to be with.
Definitely break up with him.