Men who had a choice between loving two women and realised they made the wrong choice, what happened?

34 comments

  1. Wow great question. Can’t answer as luckily I made the right choice, but I’ll grab the popcorn

  2. Ultimately, what happened doesn’t matter because I can’t change the past. I can only learn from it and move forwards. Plus I doubt person B would have worked any better.

  3. lost them both and regret it everyday sense, granted i was in my late teens but, it fucked me up so bad, i’ll never emotionally recover.

    had other gf’s since then but, losing them didn’t hurt as bad, so there’s that at least.

  5. One was a better fit for me. The other offered a more stable life situation. I picked #2, and have regretted it every day for the last 12 years (#2 and I lasted barely a year)

  6. Can’t say I’ve had this problem with women, but I have at my local smoke house. I always choose the rib platter when my heart really wants the ribeye and fries.

  8. 7 years ago I was with a very shallow but stable materialistic woman, she was only with me because the sex was good and I bought her gifts, essentially a FwB with a couple extra strings attached. My best friend (female) at the time kept telling me to leave her and admitted she had fallen for me after we met up (gaming buddies for years, she had recently moved to my city for work).

    My best friend ended up being manipulative, abusive and more damaging than the shallow ex ever could have been.

  9. One was better for me for my health, goals, respected me and was even better financially. The other looked better and at the time respected me. So I chose the better looking one. I regretted that the moment I did it.

  10. Not exactly love but back in high school I was crushing on two girls equally. One liked me back and one didn’t. I went for the one who didn’t and remained a single virgin for quite a while. In the end not a huge deal.

  11. Didn’t happen with me but happened to a woman who went with a different guy then wanted to leave him and be with me. Obviously I told her the train has long gone and wished her luck with the next one.

  12. Had an open relationship with a girl, and then had a girl move in as a roommate. Fell for the roommate but was paralyzed between making a choice because I didn’t want to hurt my open girlfriend.

    Ended up taking too long to choose. Hurting both of them, and ultimately losing both of them in the process.

    I would recommend at least making a choice and following through with it, lest you lose both options.

  14. I chose the wrong woman. She wound up being extremely manipulative, including lying about being on birth control and subsequently getting pregnant. The pregnancy ended with a miscarriage, she continued to manipulate and abuse me until she got bored with me and dumped me. My life has been fairly miserable since. The other woman found a great guy who she wound up marrying a few years ago.

  15. The one I chose never reciprocated my feelings and basically used me like a sugar daddy. Finally I got sick of it and kicked her out. We didn’t speak for months. Just as we were patching things up she died. I’m not saying that I’m glad that she died but if we had gotten back together it would have only caused more damage to my life than she already had.

    The other one moved on and I think she got married. She’s currently living out of state now so even if she’s single it’s not a real possibility.

  16. Keep in mind that in this scenario, you only know that you had two choices and the one you chose failed. You have no guarantee that the other choice was going to turn out any better.

    END COMMUNICATION

  19. Part of the learning process of life. Married the one I shouldn’t have, and let the other one get away. Only in hindsight did I realize I completely messed it up and chose the wrong one (by painful experience) when the other would definitely have been perfect (eventually came to know this as irrefutable fact).

  20. My story is very long and I’m still coming to grips with it, and it’s been over a decade. Basically my tale of two girlfriends ends with losing both of them.

    If you can’t make a choice between two women, best option is to walk away. Walking away is the honorable thing to do.

  22. There’s a really interesting article and it’s possibly also a podcast or Ted talk about how you will absolutely marry the wrong person. It’s about how everyone sucks in their own way, so as long as both people are trying their best in good faith (ie not abuse or manipulation) you’ll be more or less just as happy and unhappy with other partners as you would be with your current partner. Interesting read, regardless if you agree with it.

  23. Having been in this situation, I believe that this is more reflective of you than it is of any two potential partners. One may meet your needs at the time better – be it financial stability, sex, friendship, etc; whereas the other may appeal to your top level attraction that you feel you can match with when you are your best self. Both of these relationships are feeding something that you feel is missing within you, and not actually reflective of what the relationship would be like with each person.

    Quite often we romanticize another person filling the needs we are missing in our current relationship, when it can potentially be met through direct communication or honesty with ourselves, instead.

  24. I didn’t make the wrong choice, just the “less right” choice.

    It wasn’t a choice between Perfection and a monster. Both were great.

    One just really changed for the worse as they years rolled on.

  25. The only right answer here is “choose the woman who loves, respects, and is attracted to/desires you… who *you* reciprocally love, respect, and are attracted to/desire.”

    If you choose one for looks and not compatibility, it’ll end when she leaves you. If you choose one for compatibility and not looks, you’ll get resentful and discontent—until you leave her.

    If you choose someone for compatibility and looks? Pray she finds you equally as compatible and desirable—she may not think so, and may still end up leaving you.

    If you choose someone with friends you find more attractive in some way (either looks, compatibility, or both)?

    Either you’re gonna lose the whole thing, choose the wrong person (again), choose the *right* person and it all works out… or if you win the lottery, you end up with all of them.

    I have consistently lost.

    Gambling is not something anyone in my family is good at, and I am no exception.

  26. If you really can’t choose between 2 partners, then the answer is neither. Your partner should be the clear choice with no question.

  27. Forewent the attractive nerdy girl with an actual girlcave for her hobbies in favour of the hot redhead with raging untreated BPD.

    Yeah, I’m single these days, I’m a danger to myself and others on the dating scene.

    I hope the redhead finally gave in and got the help she needed. I hope nerdy girl ended up with someone who deserved her, because I clearly didn’t. In short, I wish them both happiness.

  28. Torn between my high school crush and my college crush, I eventually won and then lost each of them. A decade or two slipped by, we reconnected, and now I am married to one and we’re making thanksgiving dinner at the other’s house.

    It’s a funny old world.

  29. I chose the estranged mother of my child over a woman I’d start seeing who during the first several months seemed like *the one*, in every impactful way.

    My child’s mom approached me after being separated for several months asking for another chance. This decision was more for my son than me, and I’m not saying I would do this again and it’s definitely not the right choice for everyone, but I broke things off with the new girl, as incredible as she was, and picked up the pieces with my ex. For two years, this felt like the absolute wrong choice.

    We attended intense therapy for two years, through very tough times. We built our love up brick by brick, both grew a lot after rough childhoods, and really changed ourselves and how we viewed each other and are today happily married.

  30. One was a long term friend (LTF) and seemed *complicated*. She didn’t seem to like me as much as the other one, she had some weird friends that I didn’t want to have to deal with (aka the package deal), She was less forthcoming with her emotions and she sometimes just seemed distant for days at a time. The other was somewhat immature, acted very shy but seemed to be almost obsessed with me, it seemed almost like a manic pixie dream girl fairytale.

    You all probably know how this went, I went with the one who seemed obsessed with me and it turns out she didn’t actually suit me better, she just made me feel loved and wanted waaaaaay quicker. She was emotionally unstable, prone to outbursts, hard to communicate with etc. Meanwhile, the LTF and I decided to remain friends.

    The twist is that after a year or so, we all got the opportunity to move in together, pixie girl, LTF, another friend and myself. During this time together LTF and me seemed to become the defacto adults of the house. As time wore on I started to respect LTF more and more, she didn’t show as much emotion but when she did you knew she meant it, she was less prone to make rash decisions, she was more reliable, more caring in a deep way vs pixie girls love bombing.

    It all came to a head when pixie girl and I broke up, I ended up in tears in the kitchen because I couldn’t keep up with all the emotional roller coastering I had to contend with and it broke me a little. LTF and other friend saw me in tears and helped me build up the courage to break up with pixie girl, they never pushed me for it, just helped me through it.

    Two months later and LTF came up to me in the same kitchen and told me that she thinks she likes me, now it’s been 3 years of us being a couple and I’ve never been happier. I’m in love with her just like I was 3 years ago, there was never a honeymoon phase, it felt like buying a house that you already called home.

  31. So I was dating one woman but I’d met another before her. We’ll call the one I was dating, D, and the one I met before, B, for bitch.

    So I knew from everything everyone told me and from my own observations that B was not a good person for me to date, but for reasons I couldn’t quite put into words WHY, I just REALLY wanted to. But, logic won out for a little while and I friend zoned her in favor of online dating where I met D.

    D was amazing in every sense of the word. She was kind, understanding, sexy, into me, intelligent, the works. I’d probably be married to her if I hadn’t been a fucking co-dependent idiot at the time, but I don’t have any regreats because I learned a lot about myself here. So, I really liked D, but there was SOMETHING missing. I didn’t know what at the time, so I broke it off with her and went after B who I knew had that SOMETHING.

    WELL BOYS AND GIRLS, THAT SOMETHING WAS EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE. So anyways, one whirlwind mutually abusive romance later, including her making me want to kill myself to get away from her, depriving me of sleep before my third shift VERY dangerous job, and isolating me from everyone I knew and loved… I broke up with her. She’s now my ex-fiance, and I don’t regret that decision at all.

    What did I learn from all that? I learned that if I can’t explain why someone is attractive to me, it’s because they’re showing red flags of ‘this person will abuse you’ and the broken part of my childhood likes that.

    Now I’m happily married to someone who ticks all the same boxes as D, with just the slightest smidgen of neglect. Juuuuuust barely self centered enough to scratch that itch. What’s actually kinda great about that is that it also makes her very very low maintenance. Anyhoo, that’s my example, hope someone benefits from reading it.

  32. I was hanging out with this one girl. Friend of the family, horse girl, rich parents, the kind of personality I like, common interests, the works. Then an old crush from my past I thought I’d never seen again came into my field of vision, and I reacted immediately.

    Long story short, I married the second girl, the relationship turned abusive, I got anger management counseling, she didn’t (believed her anger was always fully justified and righteous), divorced her, been alone ever since.

    I’ve always kind of wondered whatever happened to that first girl.

  33. Mentioned this one before. But worth repeating.

    Early 20s (last year of college and post), I started dating (A) while working with (B). At the time, A was in med school and I was working in retail with B.

    On surface, A was the right choice for a stable future. B liked to party and was still unsure about what she wanted in life. And when I say B liked to party, think getting wasted every weekend and doing Coke.

    One day, B came to me at work and professed her love to me and told me “she was on deck” if I ever broke up with A. But would not stick around for long.

    I chose A. We got married and we we’re together for 12 years total (no kids). In the 12 years, A became an MD and really progressed professionally. But, like anyone in the healthcare industry will tell you, there’s a lot of “shady transgressions” going on. I uncovered 3 affairs by A. I bailed and divorced when I knew A had major daddy issues and would always step out on the marriage.

    While all that was going on, B found a man. Got married. Had two kids. She really settled down. Her friends now consider her one of the most “boring” people they know. She’s a teacher, cooks, does boxing and runs races.

    When I divorced A, B was still married. I met my a nice lady and got engaged and around the same time got a message from B “So, me and my hubby got divorced.”

    Guess timing was always off. On paper, I picked the right partner, but there are times I ask “what if”.

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