(Please be super candid. Obviously not socially acceptable to say you regret it but recently had deep convos with several coworkers and a couple seemed to dwell a lot on what they may have missed out on in order to raise their kids (now grown up) so it got everyone thinking if more genuinely wished they went the no kids path and just don’t speak about it.)
34 comments
I don’t have any kids and I kind wish I had. So you are doing good.
48 with two kids and wouldn’t change a thing!
No regrets. My kids have been the best thing in a life filled with things/people/places/hobbies that I love.
I think the biggest “reason” is that I always wanted to have kids, so even the things that are really hard about it are toward something I see as personally important.
Aside from the financial considerations (which are becoming increasingly relevant), my main advice is to consider having kids if you want to have kids and don’t judge anyone else if they don’t.
I miss my alone time and being able to be with friends more often but I couldn’t be without them now
2 kids (teens). Few years ago i had great plans what will i do once they go on their own. Now i scretly hope they stay longer. Absolutely no regrets, they are great kids.
If I could go back in time and change my decision, I would.
Would I give them up now? Absolutely not.
I find it pretty boring.. it has its moments but when you didn’t have strong feelings to be a parent, it’s hard to muster up the effort. I do, I just put on a brave face and know it won’t last forever. Most guys I talk to are the same also, they just don’t actively talk about it. Just put on a brave face and get on with it.
What I would say is for any dads with 1 kid, already feeling this way….. do NOT have a second.
Love my kids, just regret the world we are leaving for them.
I’m 26 and I will never want kids. Helping my step sister raise 3 of her kids from the age of 12 to 20 basically just muted my want for kids. I think even before then, I never pictured having kids.
I know I would be a great parent, and I’ve also been told that by many other but, I just don’t see a point in having kids.
Statistics say that if your parents don’t have kids, you won’t either. Hard to argue with statistics
I don’t regret having kids, I do wish I would have chosen a partner that’s more helpful and supportive
I’m 42 my mate had twins and he looks like he is just sucking it up and having to deal with it.
I have two dogs and a cat and a beautiful wife. We don’t want kids.
I regret not being financially prepared. I also regret being in my 30s when my kid was born.
Ex told me she was pregnant, and I was about to brake it off, 3 years of depression and child support for 18 years. Wish I could go back everyday. But I have found some peace with it, never regret getting a vasectomy.
39 but just had our second this year. I regret not having them sooner (late 20s or early 30s) I don’t want to be an older dad when they’re in school. I adore my kids and probably would have had 3 or 4 if I didn’t start so late. Also physically it would have been easier to play with them when I was younger. No regrets having them but I’ll admit I was concerned how I’d be as a father. Completely shocked myself how much I love it. My father was a typical hands off, non emotional baby boomer and I was concerned I’d be the same way. I’m the opposite and now I wonder why my dad was the way he was.
In my 40s, have 3 kids. I love being a dad, the kids are my favorite thing about life. That being said, I have an amazing spouse and co-parent. Without her, I’m not sure my kids would be who they are. I feel like I can be a pretty shitty person when left to my own stressors and she keeps them shielded from that. Without a good partner, I think parenting is much tougher.
Still the best decision I ever made. Watching them grow, learn and figure things out is more enjoyment than when I learn and figure things out. I made sure I work from home so I can be near them, and my wife who I also love.
I don’t regret being married with kid. It’s just that I lost my job and now I can’t support my family, 😔😔😔😔
I just hate myself.
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I don’t have kids. My gf doesn’t want them. I’ve always thought I wanted them, but I’m increasingly scared by the level of effort, and because she’s not keen, it’s kinda throwing me off. What I’m even more scared of is missing my chance. I feel like life is so pointless, working away to pay taxes in a broken system. I’m kinda hoping kids will stop me from drifting away. I also think I’d be a good dad. I feel like kids, hard as they are, bring hope and joy into your life.
I’ve never been able to see the point of doing anything else. Kids are the only thing I’ve ever considered to be a truly worthwhile endeavor. Everything else just seems like playing in the sandbox.
1. The person having kids with (mentally/emotionally/financially stable/literate)
2. Personal financial situation in order
3. The support system around the both of you
The more money you have, number 3 isn’t as big of a deal but after having a kid I’d rank them in this order.
My therapist told me regretting having kids is the second most common confession he hears
I love my kids and I’m so glad I have them. They are literally my purpose in life!
Having said that I have two disabled kids (non verbal autism) I had my son at 20. My daughter at 26. I’m 35 now. We’re essentially homeless (temporarily staying in ex MIL’s home)
We’ve literally always struggled.
I *assumed* I would have healthy children that attended school and I would work- “like everyone else”
I expressed concerned about my financial situation when I got pregnant.
“If you wait until you have enough money you’ll *never* have kids!”
That’s terrible advice!
Get set up and self-sufficient *before* you bring a fully reliant human being around. Having a kid just because you got pregnant isn’t always the wisest decision.
Pro-lifer’s, come at me bro.
Mid-40s and don’t regret having kids, only regret is that my wife and I didn’t travel more before we had them. However, they’re now at an age where we can start to again (we’re off raving this weekend).
It’s not so much having kids, but, who you had them with that’s the regret.
In my experience with people 90% of kids were by mistake or unplanned.
All I have to say is if you’re thinking about not having kids, absolutely do not. Life sucks with an absent father. I’m sure my dad hasn’t enjoyed his life from what hes told me and my mom over the years, and from the fact hes leaving now that me and my sister are grown up to “lead his own life”. Never liked him, never will. Will never ever talk to him again in my life, and that’s something that saddens me because I never had a real connection to him, but also makes me glad because he’s a waste of space human thats been nothing but abusive.
I regret having my kids. I knew early on that I wouldn’t be the best father, so had a vasectomy as soon as possible. Got married, and got convinced to reverse it, had 2 kids. The theory was, even if I wasn’t the best father, she was a good mother, and between the two of us we’d have a good family unit for raising kids. Within 4 years of having the last one, we were divorced. $250k in child support later, I have full custody of two kids I’m raising with no support. She’s a shitty person and our children have completely cut her out of their lives. My current wife and I are LAT, so I raise them on my own (the are older teens now, so easier). I’m very critical of myself and still don’t consider myself the best father, but I totally overestimated her ability to be a good parent.
I don’t regret having my daughter (17). Love her to death.
However, she is the reason why I have not had a divorce. I want her to have somewhat of a stable family.
41yo male here. I won’t say regret but there are times I question things/ponder how it could have been with a kid free life. I waited to get married (30yo) and then when having our daughter (36yo). Everything changes, everything. Intimacy and spontaneity with wife is a challenge now. I enjoy picking up and doing fun adult things with friends, that doesn’t happen. You (rightfully so) come second most of the time. Dad mode is never ‘off’, rarely do you get to do things truly just for you. Wife’s body is never the same, harsh but the reality.
But the counter, I absolutely adore my daughter. She’s the reason I work harder than ever to ensure my family is happy, healthy and not worrying about quality of life. I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life, I totally understand how lives can fall apart at the death of a child now. And it’s also shown me how right I was when choosing the spouse I did. My wife is an amazing wife and mom, she is definitely the glue that keeps evening running.
There are absolutely challenges, days when I just want to sleep in but that’s all but impossible. The stress is real, you have to be everything all the time and it’s so easy to feel like you can’t possibly keep up, but you do. Children are a blessing and make life so much more fulfilling, I wouldn’t take it back if given the chance.
If I had 40+ kids, I’m sure I would regret at least some of them.
/dadjoke
I do not regret becoming a dad. Yes, my life has changed considerably and there are times that I miss the freedom of a no-kids life.
Taking time from work in order to do parental things (doctor appointments, school drop-off, special assemblies, etc.) can be really stressful. I see some childless colleagues putting in extra time and working on side projects, and I am envious. The mental load of being a parent sometimes makes it hard to just get through a normal work day, even without any interruptions.
But being a dad is immensely rewarding. Every day is just endless, unconditional love going both ways. It took me a while to learn how to ignore that loud voice in my head that’s telling me to get back to work, but my life now is much, much more fulfilling than before I was a dad.
People who have never had to debate for hours with a screaming toddler to go to bed at 11pm on a weekend when you have things Planned. Will never understand this stress.
Its not easy by any means being a parent unless you have tons of money or you have a large family to help both of which we dont have.
If you enjoy your free time and being able to do things you like to do, dont have kids. If you have large family and people willing to help you, and endless supply of money to pay for whatever you want, go ahead Ive heard it isnt that bad.
Its like a love hate relationship, do I regret having them, yes. Theres many opportunities that just went down the drain because of them. Including high paying job opportunities, relationships, vacations etc.
But of course I would miss them if they were around.
Annoyed at all the comments in here ignoring the question and just gushing about their kids or saying “no regrets!”. *That wasn’t the question!*
Yes. I should be looking to retire but I’ll likely need to work until I drop dead.
I had a parallel universe thing go on. I was fairly serious with a women who DID NOT want kids, we broke up, not because of the now kids thing. The woman I married DID want kids. We have two both are now fully grown. I don’t regret it at all. But I do look at the pictures on FB of ex, with her husband vacationing in resorts and living it up, and think, “Huh?”
Side note, my ex and I are still friends, it turned long distance, but didn’t survive.
Yes, I regret not putting on a rubber because I was not in a serious relationship with her. A month later she asks if I want to be involved in the child’s life, “of course, I won’t be like my Father.”
So many headaches and responsibilities that come with children, the woman having the child, and communication between us about the child…..
On the flip side, I have learned many lessons in communications, money, time, love and intentions etc.