When I meet new people – whether at work or college – I introduce myself and ask basically about their personalities, hobbies, interests etc.
For example: “What football team do you support?, what music do you listen to?, do you play video games, what college course do you do?”, just the first bit of ‘small talk’ before I soon run dry of things to talk to them about and either it’s just the odd hello to them or hanging in the same group as them but just being a fly-on-the-wall type person and not adding any real significance.
I, myself, play Xbox, support a football team, have a future career goal, have interests in certain music artists/bands and genres, play video games. Even if someone who I am talking to does have interests that are in common with me, I still can’t get a long-term conversation going that doesn’t just last 5 minutes if that makes sense.
I feel this is what is stopping me from actually being part of groups and arranging to meet up with people. I’m 17 now, going to be 18 in January, my 20th birthday is going to be upon me before I even realise, and my social life for most of my time as a teenager so far has been below acceptable.
2 comments
This is how I was when I was your age. Years of customer service and now I can talk about anything to anyone, but I can relate very much.
Sounds like you just gotta stop filtering yourself so much. It doesn’t always have to be a Topic. You know?
Some of my best friendships were started on laughingly honest things like “sorry I’m late, my dog refused to poop, I stood there with him for 30 damn minutes and nothing” Or “CVS put a hold on my meds, so I’m a little wonky, sorry if I act a little off today.”
I mean, there IS a line to toe between being honest, and being overly uncomfortably honest (my second example is cutting it close lol). But most people connect with you a LOT more when you let some vulnerability show.
Will never forget in my public speaking class.. my professor said “if you’re nervous, just SAY you’re nervous! Admit it! It makes you more human and relatable.” I have found that to be true, 99.9% of the time.
Before you think there’s a problem, think if you actually give fucks or not, there maybe can be a possibility you just don’t care about friendships and u just feel pressured because you don’t want to stand out or be seen as weird or smth because society frowns upon it? That was me at first, til I realized I am in control over this aspect and chased what actually gave me pleasure instead. Before the “humans are social creatures” hivemind finds this comment, just think about what I said. There’s no “unacceptable” social life btw, it’s not a must, do what u feel not what ur told. Not giving fucks can be a reason you can’t socialize properly friend-wise too.