My boyfriend (26m) and I (26f) have been together for 4.5 years and I feel like we aren’t as sexually compatible as we once were. We still love each other, are each other’s best friends, and have a life together, but have reached a bit of a sticking point.
About a year into our relationship we tried anal sex, a first for both of us, and were both into it. For the first few weeks following that first time, the majority of our sex was anal. After that it became less frequent, but was still a somewhat regular part of our sex life.
As anyone who has had something in their ass can attest, it’s a pretty intense experience. Not bad, and I came from it more than once, but it’s still just a lot.
Flash forward to now, anal has become a couple times a year thing for me, but my boyfriend thinks of it constantly. He’s even told me the only porn he can watch now (if it’s not videos of us) is anal. He doesn’t understand how something can be pleasurable for me but not be something I want more than every once in a while.
We’re now at the point that he feels unsatisfied because I’m not willing to accommodate his kink, but I feel like he’s asking me to do something I’m not into just because he is.
I’m not looking for who’s right, I just don’t know what to do from here? I’ve offered to try other kinks to see if we can find something else to spice things up that we’re both into equally but this seems like a big deal to him. I love him and want to pleasure him but not at the expense of my physical comfort. Help???
TLDR: Anal is my boyfriend’s main kink/desire, I don’t ~not~ like it but it’s not something I want nearly as much as him. How do we both become satisfied without compromising our individual needs?
5 comments
Looking for who is right? A relationship is a synergy of 2 ppl. It needs two “yes” to do something, if there is one no, then it’s a no.
My partner loves anal and would prefer it every time but sometimes I’m simply not in the mood for it and he has to accept that.
Give it a talk, make it clean that you like anal but don’t want it every time (and add a reason if you feel it needs to be said to highlight your point).
Everyone loves cake but not everyone loves to make cake.
I could’ve written this same thing from the man’s perspective. My wife used to do anal 6-8 times a year. We’ve been together 12 years now and anal is like a once a year thing now.
Even though I’ve expressed the desire and she knows Ita my main kink I have just had to suppress that desire. Basically if you don’t want to do it there’s nothing he can do. You just need to be up front with him that it’s not something you want to do at the moment.
Me and my wife have done anal for over 20 years now every once in a while. I do ask it more than her and sometimes she says no, but usually we do if one of us wants it. Sex is a matter of two people for me, so I respect her desires and donots. It is a choice everybody has to do themselves, which is more important to them. Forcing or pushing other to do something against their own will is no good.
Y’all are incompatible. He can’t just suppress his desires. You should both find partners that are into similar interests.
I think there is more to this story than I’m reading