Single men in their 30’s and 40’s… where do we meet you?

36 comments

1. In the bus to and from work. In the store shopping for food. Hiking on Saturdays.

2. Conferences in your field or interest

3. During the winter, probably more likeky shopping or in the gym. Unless you look for a specific person and you know where they live so you can meet them at their house/garage.

4. Literally have to stop me at the grocery store and ask for my number or something, because all of my hobbies happen at home.

5. Screaming in a wal mart parking lot

6. I wake up, go to work, go home, eat and go to bed. My job is physically demanding and I work on Saturdays so I don’t typically go out after work. I’ll probably go to a bar once in a while and get a beer and or dinner. I don’t think I’m terribly different than most single men my age either.

   Other than that I go out for normal errands, groceries, doctor and for this time of year Christmas shopping. To be honest you can approach most men in those public areas. I understand that approaching women in public spaces is a mixed bag. Men have less scruples. Speaking for myself, I’d appreciate it but I would be confused at first.

7. Chance meeting at a grocery store maybe but I rarely talk to people

8. At home, asking the same question about where we find single women while never going out except to get groceries and basics. Especially when we have hobbies that happen at home (eg learning Guitar, playing games, writing code).

9. Hobbies and bars. I’m 32.

   That’s pretty much it for me.

   I do yoga, Muay Thai, and jog.

   But on the weekends I’m either at home or hanging out at bars with friends having a drink and conversation and most of the time I meet a new girl, doesn’t lead anywhere most of the time, but sometimes it does.

10. The liquor store.

    Well, how desperate are you?

11. Grocery store, the bank, or any other place you might be running errands. I’m pretty much doing the same thing. Just come up and talk to me. I’m not gonna come up to you. I’ve been taught over and over that going up to random women in public is creepy. That lesson has been drilled into my head. So, you’ll have to approach me.

12. I don’t go out often, I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone so it makes it hard, usually pubs, sporting clubs, friend’s get together.

    I’m not overly keen on stuff like Tinder, but unfortunately it’s how people meet these days, last relationship was through Tinder, haven’t been interested in or even wanting to meet anyone since.

13. I’m 39, I’m either at the gym, at work or at home

14. Gym, grocery stores, parks where we walk our dogs, and hobbies of interest.

15. Ask me out.

    Im out and about. Have no social life these days. Keep fit. All that shit.

    Content ish.

    Im available but sure as shit not looking.

16. Super Market. Or Dog Park.

    I’m here, I’m willing, life is good, I want to share.

17. How are we all existing, open to meeting someone, doing all the things (grocery store, gym, outside hobbies, indoor hobbies, work, reddits and such, hiking, and traveling-the last 2 being the qualifiers of a truly single person according to so many online dating profiles… both which i do myself BY MYSELF) and not meeting. WTF. Tempted to try the yelling in a parking lot stuff, and see what happens. Love is a mystery. Everything is a mystery. Ok. This answer doesn’t help. And i am not a man. I am a mam that is a little bit tired and turkey drunk.

18. So will you actually tell us that you like us? Cause even if we tell you, bet the bank you’ll still think that hints are the route to go…? Hahaha if you like a man give him a compliment and ask him out. You’ll get way farther ahead that way. Cause men don’t want to be labelled as a creep or whatever other names have been thrown out. But in all honesty. The guys that you are looking for. Relax at home and spend time with friends and family. Cause they’ve been burned once or twice. And don’t want that to happen again

19. The best place to go is any of your close girlfriends house that have a partner that can invite some single friends over, for a bbq and a beer.

    Bring a sixpack and a dessert and wear a sun dress.

20. If a man has been ignored by women for so long, he might no longer be interested, and is devoting all of his spare time and money to having fun with his hobbies.

    My BiL is like this. 43, tall, dark-haired, pretty darn handsome dude. But because he’s a _very visible_ ethnic minority in a metro region which – until recently – has had very few residents of that population, very few women ever gave him the time of day.

    In the end, he went “fuck this sh*t”, and went his own way. He now puts all his money towards investments and his hobbies and having fun camping with his friends. He still has “female friends” that stay overnight a few times a year, but marriage and children are no longer on his radar, and have become even _undesirable._ He even once told me, “it’s just not worth it. At all.”

21. No thanks, i prefer to stay alone, i love the peaceful lifestyle being single.

22. The issue is, at this age, we were either fucked up by dating so much, that we would rather be single, dont want to risk looking like a creep, feel unworthy of love and just do what we enjoy doing, than having some half assed whatever by our side, just because we feel so fucking lonely.

    And the other part is, we dont have enough time for ourselves, so if we go out, we actually just want to enjoy ourselves and to a degree, actively avoid talking to women in bars, because of past experiences and its simply not an enjoyable experience. Ah yes, you are this, you are that, how interesting… bla bla bla… this is work and in the end they just bounce and complain.

    So I just use tinder, if anything bites, great, if not, just as well.

    Also no, I wont go bouldering, dancing, running or 20 other new hobbies, because I legit dont care. Im trying to enjoy my little free time I have, try to smash, because if Il find somebody interesting, Il simply invite them out, before they inadvertently decline and stop hanging out with me, because its weird now

23. As a 30-year old guy, you can find me at single events but please, ffs, do not come in gangs. Most guys are showing up to events by themselves and women are incapable of showing up to singles events without having at least 2-3 women. It really just fucks up the dynamic and isn’t fair to the guys who are wanting to meet women when their female friends just cockblock most of the men. I’ve been to enough singles speed dating events just to see women show up in groups of 3-5, they all know each other and are placed at adjacent tables – in such close proximity that all the women can hear the other conversations simultaneously with their own. Completely ruins the experience.

24. You can find me in the club

25. Oh no. I donated all I had in my 20s and 30s. Now I’m at peace, single does not mean unhappy and desperate.

26. Most of my time in public is spent at the gym. I would never approach a woman there, but I’d welcome one to approach me.

27. at the crag note that 90% of women i’ve met in rock climbing are taken, 70% of men i’ve met are single

28. I have never in 41 years been stopped in by a woman, who asked me out on a date. I have always had to pursue them.

    Try that, literally anywhere you see me. “Hi, I find you attractive would you like to go out sometime” would be sufficient.

29. Leave cryptic letters around town and we’ll solve it like a treasure hunt.

30. One of my main problems is certainly that I don’t get out enough, and I suspect that that’s not uncommon amongst other single men in that age range, so it can be hard to meet people organically in that age range. I go to the gym, but apart from that there isn’t really anywhere else – though I’m hoping to change that soon.

31. in your 20s. thats where they are.

32. This thread is why I think all single people who are single and looking should wear some kind of hat or a wristband or something so we can all approach each other with some expectations.

33. Stand by the grey stone when the thrush knocks, and the setting sun with the last light of Durin’s Day will shine upon the key-hole.

34. If a women approached me, my first few thoughts would be
    1. Am I being pranked
    2. Am I being scammed
    3. Is she drunk
    4. She must be really desperate to hit on me

35. As a 40 year old divorced dad. I don’t have the time and energy after work to go to the towny bars and I’ve given up making an effort thanks to the internet telling me I’m too short now and stratification of women’s choices destabilizing the organic social mating pairing mechanisms used in the past. The apps are looks driven, which for a man make me depressed as this has generally tipped the scale in women favor.
    I’m also not so inclined to fall in love, get married, have kids, then after 12yrs get cheated on and kick out…. Again

36. One other thing I haven’t seen mentioned here, I think is very important.

    Men do get very “out of practice” in being with women, in a relationship, sexually active w/a partner, etc.

    When it’s been forever, everything is just more difficult. Flirting, dating, everything requires practice and constant usage or you get out of shape as it were.

    IE, a dude that hasn’t been on a date in a few months or more is going to respond to flirting much worse imo then someone who is actively dating. Or a dude who’s horny af is going to rush and screw up a first or second date because it’s been so long since the last one.

    There have been times when a female friend has hugged me and it literally caused me to jump and shrink back.

    Please have some empathy and understanding for dudes that have gotten exactly 1 compliment from a random woman in the last 5 years.