Hi everyone, I frequent the site and now it’s my time to ask for advice as I enter this very bizarre situation that is unfounding.
My family has kind of been all over the place. My mom moved around a lot and as such I’ve been through several different high schools.
My uncle (it’s weird for me to call him that because he’s just a few years older) has grown up around me. He was one of my childhood best friends and we did a lot of stuff together.
My mom moved states when I was 14 and I’m not one to keep in touch but I do think of people a lot. We really drifted apart and I moved back here when I was 22 to attend college. I still kind of kept to myself and we saw each other and hung out but we really didn’t do that much.
I kind of noticed he was acting a bit weird but I just assumed it was kind of strange having your nephew hang out with your friend group even though we’re the same age range.
Anyhow, I’ve started hanging around the family and he kept having this weird attitude where he seemed unusually aggressive towards me. This came to a boiling point when he made a remark about me at a family dinner and I just said that if he wanted to say something, that would be the time to get it off his chest.
He froze and quickly moved to the other side of the room and avoided me. Then he started acting really nice to me, like texting me and messaging me and wanting me to game with him. It’s been nice but struck me as odd.
Finally he asked if he could come over and talk to me and I just said he could. I figured it would be nice to kind of reconnect and get whatever weirdness between us out of the way. He came here and we cooked some food and played some Mario Party and he started telling me he was so sorry for what he did to me and how deeply he regrets everything and that it haunts him and that he didn’t know how wrong what he was doing was.
It quickly dawned on me what he was talking about and it really confused me. I bluntly told him I have no idea what he was talking about and he angrily accused me of trying to hurt him by refusing to acknowledge anything and it was obvious that was the reason I became so cold to him. I continued to restate that I didn’t know what he was talking about.
And then that’s when he started telling me. Apparently when I was 6, he would abuse me. This lasted until I was 8. He knew it was something bad but he didn’t realize how messed up it was until many years later. He really regrets it and he has never done anything like that since. He was a kid experimenting.
He said that that doesn’t excuse what he did and that he really just wants to make things right but he doesn’t want me to tell anyone because of what it would do to his reputation if it came to light.
I just told him that I really don’t remember any of it and that I would need some time to myself. I’ve sat around for a few hours trying to figure out how to feel. It’s kind of weird that I can’t make myself feel hurt or angry. I keep trying to remember anything but I can’t. Not even blurred memories or anything.
It just feels weird and like he was making it up because no matter how much I try, I honestly can’t remember anything like that ever happening. It almost feels like it’s a joke but he really seemed upset and I don’t think this is anything humorous.
And I don’t know if I should tell people (the irony of me telling a bunch of strangers is not lost). I don’t want to hurt him and I would like to convince him that I’m not mad or upset and that I have no recollection of anything he was talking about. I just threw up and didn’t really think me not keeping in touch would come across that way.
It’s just so bizarre to think about and I guess I’m still kind of in shock. I understand this is very bizarre compared to the other stuff that is on this site. I’m just trying to figure out what’s best to move forward. I don’t mean to sound weird or cold but it’s just hard to feel anything over something I don’t even remember.
Any advice is very much appreciated.
TL;DR: my uncle and I grew apart after I moved and I didn’t keep in touch. When I came back, he was very angry and then tried to befriend me. He just confessed to abusing me and is pleading for my forgiveness but I don’t remember it at all. I’m not sure if I should tell anyone or what to do. I would like things to go back to being normal.
2 comments
Yikes
Honestly your reaction sounds normal to me. I know we see a lot of people dealing with trauma in different ways here so you may feel like you should be feeling something more but you’re not *required* to be angry or sad by this. Don’t force yourself to be hurt if you’re not; everyone processes things differently and it’s normal for people to not be affected by trauma events even if they do remember it. It may take time to digest this news and get things back to normal with your uncle but if that’s what you want I’m sure you can repair the relationship and put this behind you. Up to you obviously if you want to forgive him but I’d keep this between the two of you either way for now.