My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) have been dating for two years, long distance for quite some time now.
When we first had actual sex (we tried before but I think I sort of had vaginismus which I treated myself using dilators), I got a horrible UTI (forgot to pee). I did not know my way around the US healthcare system (we are both international students in different parts of the USA right now, and in our home country, getting antibiotics don’t necessarily have to be prescribed. If a pharmacy owner is a friend, they’ll personally have a boy deliver it to your door on a call) , which was a terrible terrible mistake. It took 3 days just to get access to the meds – and since my boyfriend flew home that morning, and the meds weren’t ready until late evening that day, I personally had to walk 2 miles. It felt like CVS was torturing me – even couldn’t get a rep on the phone that day.
I was in so much pain that I developed a phobia over penetrative sex and UTI – however I did not want to never have sex again. So this time around when he was due to visit me, I stocked up on D-mannose pure powder (yes it is really effective but more to this later) and **I even LIED to a doctor just to get prescribed antibiotics so I don’t have to struggle again for 3-4 days**.
My boyfriend wanted to see me in intimate wear as soon as he arrives and I happily obliged, however I asked him I didn’t want to have sex right as he came as I would need to consume D-mannose powder with water an hour early. However, my boyfriend being a man was so worked up that he wanted to do it anyway as soon as he entered my home. I tried talking him out of it but eventually caved in. I did not even have the time to register that my boyfriend just arrived before being expected to have sex. Honestly I just wanted to have a sweet and romantic reunion first before feeling comfortable enough to have sex.
Right after having sex, obviously I could not pee a lot. So stupidly, I drank over 7 servings of recommended D-mannose dosage because I feared a UTI so so so much. It upset my stomach and I had a 4 hour long uncontrollable diarrhoea (which I pretended was nausea to my bf because it was so embarrassing) – took 2 pills of probiotics and ordered imodium secretly just to lay it low.
I explained it very clearly to him that I cannot be spontaneous when it comes to sex. I need one hour at least so I could drink the right dose of D-mannose. The next morning, when we woke up, he wanted to have another round. I was still conscious about my diarrhoea, and reminded him again but he said everything is going to be fine and so many couples do it without hassle. He couldn’t be convinced so we compromised that I can drink some right now, we can wake up later and do it. However when I actually came to my room after drinking it, he said he understands where I was coming from and he shouldn’t let his libido from compromising my health. But what makes it worse is – I already had some D-mannose in ME, which CAUSED the stomach upset the day before!
I think my anxiety around a UTI is ruining our sex life. What do I do??
5 comments
Instead of stopping something because of a bad experience, you need to get educated, possibly by a sexual health nurse, on how the anatomy works.
You need to talk to a professional. This is incredibly unhealthy behavior and if you’re experimenting with medication and other shit based on your irrational fear you’re bound to hurt yourself even worse. You had one UTI. Shit happens.
Look into uqora! It’s a powdered drink that you can drink right after sex as a preventative for utis. That way you can be spontaneous but still feel protected.
This gave me (46F) anxiety reading. I could never live like this. I would take the chance of the UTI before I went through all this rigmarole every time I wanted to have sex .
I take, without fail, a single-dose post-coital antibiotic prescribed by my GYN. This is a simple, cheap, safe, and accepted therapy for chronic UTI. D-Mannose is not a bullet-proof solution and has unpleasant GI side effects as you’ve experienced.
Edit: (66F) – been doing this for a while!