It’s sad. But I’ve resigned myself to the real likelihood that I will never be able to orgasm through PIV/with-a-partner. Up until recently did I (37F) learn how to come with vibrator. I was so happy I finally experienced it (still I wouldn’t ever call it mind-blowing, or understand why songs & poems are written about it), but can only ever do it in private.
No partner have I been successful with. No matter how much I loved them nor how great was the attraction. Nada.
But I do enjoy the intimate contact, the sensation of getting penetrated and the primal nature of the act. I show up for a good time, but I wouldn’t say I am aroused when we start. Maybe more time needed in foreplay?
I dunno. I’d like to orgasm with a partner but I just don’t think I’m capable of it. Anyone else sad but grateful to just sexy wrestle?
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I’m sorry to hear that the fabled “big O” is still alluding you.
I share your opinion on that it is hyped up quite a bit. I enjoy the second it happens, but it’s gone and forgotten pretty quick. I don’t have this otherworldly spasm that others seem to experience, but the intimacy and journey are very enjoyable.
Back to your dilemma, however, has none of your partners ever performed oral on you? That is normally a sure-fire way to achieve a nice orgasm and sets the tone for the rest of the session quite nicely, in my opinion.
Statistically, quite a large number of women can not orgasm through penetrative sex alone. They require additionally stimulation via other arousal zones (breasts, clit, anally, etc) to be able to push them over that pleasurable edge.
More than 70% of women self-report that they can’t reliably orgasm from PiV sex. When you consider the female sexual organs, it really isn’t surprising. The tip of your clitoris is outside the vagina. The G-spot is internal and is part of the clitoris but a penis isn’t designed to really stimulate it.
The male orgasm is not essential to climaxing but in the vast majority of men the two are synonymous, such that the male orgasm is essential to reproduction. Yet in women orgasm is not needed to reproduce, so the argument goes that the female orgasm is only for pleasure.
It is somewhat of a conundrum that while some women find it difficult to orgasm at all, others can have shattering all body orgasms that most men will never experience. Orgasm in women is a physical and psychological complexity. It may be that you need the right circumstances to experience yours and have yet to find out what those circumstances are.
It may be that you need to open your mind to different experiences and you may need to meet a partner who is open to those experiences and who is generous enough to want to help you find that experience. Don’t give up hope.
Have you ever tried combining a vibrator with sex? Examples:
My ex and I played with her toys. She had this “egg” vibrator attached to a cord and a controller, and it’s for inserting inside her.
So I took it, slid it inside and then I slid inside. We both practically erupted in orgasmic ecstasy! It was amazing.
She also had a smaller thinner one for her purse. So another time, I aligned it on top of myself, which is my less sensitive side but will hit her more sensitive side.
Again, slid inside and we both erupted into amazing sex. She came a few times. I hope maybe that could help you.