Do men raise their voices and cuss at their significant others? My husband does both and it feels very disrespectful, but he insists that all men do it. He’ll call me a f-ing idiot or a f-ing b or a f-ing dumba$$. It just feels so unnecessary since I’m not raising my voice at him or using cuss words either.
50 comments
I mean rule 4 but jesus christ get out of that relationship. He’s abusing you.
> He’ll call me a f-ing idiot or a f-ing b or a f-ing dumba$$
get. out.
seriously, my wife wouldn’t put up with that shit, and neither would i. i have been known to raise my voice, which i do with everyone when heated, but this disrespectful shit don’t fly in our house. hell, i’d kick out a guest for this behavior.
Fuck, no.
Shouting at my partner would be like shouting at a kitten. Absolutely not. There has to be some responsibility that comes with being bigger, physically.
Plus, just respect in general.
So sorry to read your husband shouts and curses at you… that’s really not good.
Edit to add: abusive men do this. And abusive women! Abusive partners
My ex gf would insult me like that during arguments. Over the long term this will significantly reduce your self confidence and how you view him. He either needs to get a hold on his anger and stop that behavior, or you need to get out.
Arguments are heated disagreements or discussions about a topic, not a screaming match. That’s called a fight and fights like that are never a good thing.
We’ve had our arguments. Sometimes voices get elevated on both sides.
I’ve only screamed at her once because she was about to drown and it was to get her attention because was drunk.
Never called her a name like the ones you mentioned. It’s degrading and completely unacceptable.
At worst I’ll have a stern demeanor and if I notice I can’t keep my tone in check will bench the topic until I can calm down. Not even at my most angered would I blatantly insult or cuss her out, though.
I haven’t shouted, or even raised my voice during a conflict with my SO in the five years we’ve been together. I’ve been a victim of emotional abuse before, and I refuse to inflict that on others. If I start to lose my temper, I disengage until I’ve had a chance to calm down.
We don’t really argue. We definitely disagree at times.
We rarely yell. That’s counterproductive.
My ex husband was like this. The last 2 men I’ve dated? Never once raised their voices to me. Regardless of how awful I may have been
Nope. Real men usually don’t yell and don’t use derogatory swear words to make their points to their wives. Overgrown boys do.
Your husband is an ass.
Listen don’t buy into the mythology that “good” couples never argue. Assuming you are two fully formed adult humans and not one human and one doormat (which is obviously it’s own set of problems), no two human beings agree on everything and conflicts will arise.
Healthy relationships include disagreements. And those disagreements can get heated, intense, and very unfun but, BUT, and this is the important part there is a massive difference between that and people trying to hurt each other physically, mentally, or emotionally.
I don’t. I listen to what she says and act accordingly. If I did anything wrong, I apologise and make up for it. It’s better to keep my mouth shut and accept my fate rather than arguing with her.
No. I even make sure not to argue when angry. If there’s a fight coming up we would set a time to discuss it like adults with cooler heads.
Fuck that guy.
Why are you still with him?
That is not normal and you shouldn’t put up with verbal abuse.
Absolutely not. You are being verbally abused
Raising your voice, yeah it Can happen, but insulting, no, Come on. You deserve better.
You’re in an abusive relationship. This is not normal. You deserve better.
No men argue like that. Only children and the disrespectful act that way.
Argument is important, but the other things you describe go well beyond mere argument. You’re describing abusive behavior. People can have arguments without being abusive.
Sounds like he’s a piece of work. I’ve never yelled at my partner or insulted her. If we’re arguing I let her say her piece, then I start saying my take. If she tries to cut me off I just go for a little walk and have a cigarette. Then I come back and try again until we are both calm
No, good people do not treat the people they love that way. Neither of my parents have ever yelled at each other or their kids, they’ve never called each other names.
That’s not normal. Leave him.
I’ve been with my wife for 25 years and neither one of us has raised our voices or cussed at each other.
Anyone who justifies a behavior with “well, everyone else does it” knows that they shouldn’t be engaging in that type of behavior.
What you are describing is verbal abuse.
I think I’ve raised my voice at my partner once ever and we talked about it immediately after.
I grew up in a house where insults and yelling were normal with no resolution. I absolutely hate the feeling and never resort to insulting someone’s character but try to keep it focused on the problem at hand. I don’t think there’s ever a need to yell in an argument, I’d only reserve it for when you need someone to like dodge oncoming traffic or something that’s genuinely an emergency.
No, immature teenagers do this. Men do not. There are men who are still teenagers btw, my dad is one. I outgrew him at 19 (to be generous).
“but he insists that all men do it.”
Is your husband 6 years old? He should be smart enough to know that NOT all men do it. Angry PEOPLE that can’t control their emotions do it, like little kids and toddlers.
“He’ll call me a f-ing idiot or a f-ing b or a f-ing dumba$$”
This is verbal abuse. How long have you been with him? Show him you’re no idiot and leave him. This can only get worse and not better. You are in an abusive relationship and hope you snap out of it and have him face consequences.
I never call my wife any names that would demean her in any way in an argument.
Your husband is wrong all men don’t do it and even if most did it’s not right. If you’re not past the point of trying to guide him or help him find guidance through creating different communication styles to help the marriage I highly encourage you do.
Know your boundaries. Seriously. Write them down and know what you will and WONT stand for. Stick to them. It breeds self respect.
Personally if my SO swore at me/disgraced my name I would leave. Tell him this directly. “If you swear at me or disgrace my name ie call me a f-ing b etc. then I will leave you.” And STICK. To. It.
It means nothing unless you stick to your word.
There is nothing about being a man that forces you to scream and insult during an argument. You have to learn to properly emotionally regulate. But it’s not something men are incapable of doing
Yeah, dude’s wrong and your husband’s a piece of shit.
Nope. I raised my voice at my girlfriend once, and I felt a ton of the requisite shame and guilt that came with it. It sounds like he doesn’t feel heard and he doesn’t know how else to get his point across other than to yell, and when that doesn’t work he goes to belittle. That what’s called a 🚩
so in short he’s a manchild, who cannot understand how a mature conversation works?
Woman here, but my husband has never once yelled at me or called me any names like that and we have had plenty of arguments and disagreements. It’s not ok
I try to stay calm but sometimes I break and yell a bit if she keeps screaming at me. Swears and bad words not so much but they can come up if she starts with the insults and swears first but usually even then I stay calm.
Woman here… no. That’s not normal. That’s abusive behavior. It doesn’t matter if it’s a man doing it or a woman, it’s abusive. There’s nothing normal going on here. Find someone safe in your life you can talk to about this.
I am a large man (think NFL lineman). I learned VERY early on that me getting mad and loud has a very different effect (in any context) than the effect of an averaged sized person. Because of that, I just don’t get mad in people’s direction. I get mad, I curse, I yell….but not at people. Occasionally I will raise my voice to one of my kids, but even that is a muted version of what’s possible. I’ve been married 20 years and together with my Wife for 23 years. Not ONCE have I cursed at her or called her names. That’s no go territory for me, personally, and I believe it can be just as damaging overall to my wife as if I hit her. I grew up in a house where my parents said horrible things to each other. Horrible things. And I promised myself early on that would never be my house.
Verbal abuse is abuse, no matter the volume at which it’s projected. If everything you’re saying is true, it’s abusive IMO. And you deserve better.
Girl. Run.
Your husband is toxic.
Thats a dependent thing on many factors. As a rule, No all yelling does is raise my blood pressure and give me a headache. I prefer to get quiet and just let the other stew in their own ways.
Now have i yelled? Yes. Have i been yelled at? Yes. Yelling I don’t necessarily see as an issue as people get emotional when arguing so it makes sense to me that people yell, they are not trying to be hurtful they are just overly excited.
Now name calling is unacceptable behavior, that is being malicious intentionally and if you truly love someone why would you want to hurt them? That doesn’t make sense to me so name calling is a no go.
There is also a difference between name calling and bringing light to an actual issue, for example if someone is abusive and you point that out, thats not meant to be hurtful but a statement of your personal observation about the person.
Hope that helps.
My fiancé has on multiple occasions and sadly I have never had the self esteem to stick to my word and leave like I promised myself I would
Your husband is emotionally abusive. That’s horrible and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it.
My husband and I never traditionally “argue”. We just have serious conversations. Voices might get a little amped up but literally never more than talking a little louder than normal. No name calling. I don’t even jokingly call my husband bad names besides “punk” when he clearly knows I’m joking around and vice versa.
Not healthy at all to be yelling and calling names. It’s not like you’re children who are learning how to deal with your feelings. Totally unacceptable.
Any one who speaks to you like this, isn’t someone you want to be around.
“It’s not you vs me, it is you and me vs The Problem. Which is your mother.”
No that is unacceptable behavior. Arguments are supposed to be about communicating wants or needs and coming to a compromise. Demeaning someone is a very immature, unproductive, and violent way to communicate. Sounds like verbal abuse to me. He wants you to believe you’re all those things so you don’t feel like you’re “good enough” to leave him.
She and I are both, uh, well, very smart. We’re also both very stubborn. There are a lot of ***intentional, rational (we like to think) debates***. True arguments, though? In which there’s anger and exasperation and frustration? Very seldom do those happen. They DO happen, don’t get me wrong — we live with each other, after all — but they’re rare.
No this is not normal. Your feeling is right.
I don’t know what the ratio of men that have good communication skills with their partners to bad is but it doesn’t matter. Other people having bad behavior is not an excuse for having bad behavior yourself. We learned that in kindergarten.
You are looking at a massive gap in communication skills, understanding and respect. I wouldn’t even suggest marriage counseling at this point because it seems like a bandage on a bullet wound.
Verbal abuse. It will get worse.
He sounds like an absolute asshole. Disrespecting you for making small mistakes like that is bullying. That’s absolutely not how a grown man argues. I’m sorry you’ have to deal with that.