Me (M) and my partner (F) have been together for a handful of years and are now in our mid-twenties. We are very happy in our relationship however I am nervous about bringing up my kinks to her.
I have a handful of serious kinks that’s I enjoy (latex, being dominated, cucked) whilst she doesn’t have any and enjoys vanilla sex mainly.
A few year ago I very shakily and nervously brought up the fact I would like her to wear some latex clothing in the bedroom. I was literally bricking it I can’t tell you how bad. She told me it wasn’t weird as long as I enjoyed her wearing latex not just the item of clothing itself, which I reassured her about. I love and am attracted to her, it would only ENHNACE my enjoyment seeing how sexy she looked. Over the last few years she has been wearing more and more and our latex wardrobe has slowly increased. Nothing major like catsuits yet just tops and skirts of many kinds. I am super happy she even indulged me and want to go at her pace 🙂
I have never told her about my other two kink (being dominated and cucked) and I am in the same position again. Personally, I think it is easy to view these as a little strange and be easily judged for them. Therefore, I don’t want to do anything that would make me feel judged or be viewed as less of a man in her eyes (I know toxic masculinity…but it is tough 🙁 )
I am unsure how to even go about this or IF I should even tell her. I just feel as if I am always asking for more adventure as if she doesn’t satisfy me which is not true. Does anyone have an advice?
5 comments
Start with domination and then cucking
Me (F39) and my husband (M46) have had open conversations about what we would both be ok doing, dirty talking about, and things I don’t want to know about because I know it would hurt my feelings. Cucking being a good example, I would be fine with him sharing that kink with me, but I wouldn’t want to do it. I could do a modified role play around it, though. I definitely wouldn’t want him to express him wanting to fuck other women, that would hurt my feelings but he knows that. It’s all about communication.
It seems like she cares about you enough to try something new. It’s amazing that you’re willing to go at her pace too! So massive props to you for that OP 👏
I’d suggest starting with the dominating first. Maybe show her some examples or something that can help her understand your kink for being dominated (as people like different levels) and just see if she is open to giving it a go. Just make sure that if she’s not yet ready, to be okay with that and if she’s ready to give it a go then be ready to help her feel good and powerful before/during/after.
From this one post you seem to be in a healthy relationship and she seems to be happy to try something new for you. So gather up the courage, make her a nice candlelit dinner and say you want to try something new with her.
Good luck
Hmmm. Some people don’t know their kinks. Sex is fraught. It’s where most of us feel most vulnerable. We tend to stick to a script if for no other reason than to play it safe and limit risk of stigma. You know the line about most men leading lives of quiet desperation? That reluctance to take risks is mostly where it comes from.
The truth is our bodies are our own and we should be free to explore and develop sexually any way that (safe, sane, consensually) we see fit.
You may want to look at your partner as unexplored territory. I’ll guarantee that buried inside that vanilla mind are things that turn her on that either she’s too embarrassed to acknowledge or that she hasn’t discovered yet.
We had a big transition when we started watching porn together. If you see something and your body responds to it, guess what, you’ve just learned something about yourself.
Our first hit was that my wife is turned on by chubby middle aged women. Surprising. Adorable. Unexpected. Brad Pitt doesn’t do a whole lot for her but cue up a movie with Rebecca Bardoux or Sara Jay and get ready for some fireworks.
Men sucking their own cocks was next. She was completely embarrassed at her over the top reaction but there was no denying the intensity of how hard she could cum watching videos like that. For my part, I just managed to dig up as many videos of guys doing that and made sure to tell her how hot it was to watch her level of arousal.
Watch some vids together. Pay attention to what obviously turns her on. Find more of those. Rinse repeat.
Be honest and bring it up during sex when she is aroused down in the heat of things, go slow don’t overwhelm her, being upfront may relax her to open to you about her possible kinks or fantasy she seems open minded indulging you in the latex kink, as for other she might be on board some women are turned on being dominant and cucking is like being dominant except you are adding a person to the mix.