I understand that when you first meet someone you should focus conversation on more “small-talk” topics (i.e. work, sports, life, food) and ask a lot of questions about them and getting to know them. However, once you’re past that stage, let’s say you’ve known them for a few months, what are some questions/topics that can help build a deeper/stronger connection?
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Tell them about your own situations. It could be special occasions, drama, or achievements you made throughout your life.
You care about their stuff. So, you still start with a “small talk” question:
* HEY, what’s NEW?
* “HI, what’s going ON?
* “HEY, what’s happening with YOU lately?”
Then the key is to CARE about the answer and follow up on it!
ask about their education, interests, family. you gotta be specific with your questions tho cuz nobody knows what to say to ‘what’s up’. you do need to be actually interested in what they say as well. and if they aren’t giving much then don’t be too enthusiastic it’s off putting
Small talk usually has a predetermined structure, if you’re feeling a little confused about what it is people talk about, filtering out some examples to get you started and used to the flow of conversation is only helpful to an extent.
Remember that conversation is as much learning about the others involved as it is teaching about yourself, sometimes you’re all learning about yourselves, too!
What about this person spikes your interest and why?
Ask or bring up a topic that will answer your questions, you’ll be listening more attentively when discussing something genuinely.
Have you noticed anything about them that you’d like to know more about? If not, ask about what it is that is missing.
Speak about common interests, express your knowledge and don’t hold back your curiosity about their own, if there are no common interests then playfully dig into eachother’s perspectives and what drives the differences.
Allow the other person to speak about themselves and reciprocate.
Overall, ask yourself what is it that inspires you to have a conversation in the first place as opposed to sitting there just to talk, you’ll feel a lot more at ease with your words.
Try not to think about what to say next and more about why you are saying it.