So basically I am a 12 year old male, and have this one friend named Deven (also a male, not his real name) and I have known him since 6th grade (I am in 7th), and he is constantly making fun of me. He has autism, but he is in denial about it. When he first came to my house his dad literally told my dad that he has autism, but whenever I tell Deven this, he just brushes it off and says “I don’t have autism.” This is really annoying because I want him to accept the truth. He has also started hitting me whenever he gets mad. I try to tell him to stop hitting me, but the he shifts the blame on me and says, “If you didn’t say stupid shit, then I wouldn’t hit you.” I do admit that I make jokes at his expense, but I never go overboard about it. He also calls me fatass a lot (I will admit that I am a little bit chubby, and I am trying to change that, not because of his opinion, but because I want to change). He has also started saying “Violence” as like a warning before he hits me, and he says its supposed to get me to stop, but whenever I hear it, it sounds more like a threat than just a “Dude can you please stop”. Also he claims to be bi-sexual, but I’m not so sure. He has also been using the internet since he was 4 years old, and Discord since he was 10 years old. So he has a lot of Discord friends and apparently had a relationship with a 14 year old discord friend (also a male). He is not healthy, he is always getting on me for eating even though he is not the skinniest person in the world, and he is just aggrivating to be around. I believe that his parents have spoiled him (I think its because they feel bad about him being autistic). He is also in the AP class at my school (I am too) and he his definitely on the high-end of the spectrum. He can’t pay attention for shit, and he can go barely 10 minutes without checking TikTok or Snapchat. He is also constantly telling me I need to get TikTok or SendIt or Snapchat. To me it sounds like he is trying to make me exactly like him. He also talks very vulgar, like way more vulgar than kids my age talk. Honestly he is just really uncomfortable to be around. I also recall one instance where I wasn’t feeling well, and he was mad, and we were sitting at the lunch table with my friends. I merely brought up the idea of him leaving the table, and then he started hitting me in on the side of my head. This instance in particular tells me that he has issues with being left out. He is also always trying to get in front of me in line, I ask him why, and he says “I don’t want to get left behind”. He is also way stronger than me, so if I try to hit him to tell him to stop, he just laughs and shrugs it off. He is also constantly making fun of me for having a lower-end pc then he does. I remember one time at a sleepover where I told him when one of my friends comes over they don’t make fun of me or my pc, and he said, “That’s because he’s poor”. He also never gets in trouble, and whenever I try to have a normal conversation with him, he just goes off topic and tells me about the latest meme that he saw. I do feel bad that he is autistic, but I don’t know if I should stop being friends with him since he was one of my best friends for a while until he started doing all of this shit.
1 comment
Deven will only change if ***he*** wants to change. There is no perfect quip or clever comeback that will make him change everything he is doing. It isn’t your job to convince him he is autistic. Stop trying to convince him he is autistic, it will not magically return things to how they were before.
He is rude to you. Do not blame his autism for his rudeness. You do not need to teach him **“how to be normal.” Friends do not hit each other the way he hit you**. You do not deserve to be hit. He does not have permission to hit you. If other kids see him hit you, they will remember it. Do you want people to think of you as “the kid who gets hit?” “The kid we can hit, and the teachers won’t care?”
There is no benefit to you, or him, talking about his sexuality in the future; if he brings it up, or talks to you about any *not safe for work* materials, just change the topic or walk away. It is not your job to help him figure it out. It is not your job to tell him if his orientation is right or wrong. “Figure it out on your own.” “I don’t want to talk about that stuff.”
You matter. The way he treats you, and the way you feel, affects a lot of different aspects of your life. Devin should be sorry. You deserve several apologies. Right now, it looks like he will continue to hurt you. It looks like he will continue to act rudely towards you. A friend would apologize. More importantly, a mature person would listen to your words and reflect on their actions. A mature friend would not hurt you, and would not give you a meaningless apology- they would apologize **and put in the effort to change their future behavior.**
What is the purpose of school? What is the goal behind how your parents treat you? Why does society tell you what is right and wrong? All of these are ways to turn you into an adult. An adult who can be mature, who can talk to other adults without causing a fight or hurt feelings. You will not get a trophy for helping Devin. This boy is going to scar you, or get you into trouble, until he chooses to change. Until he asks for help- asks for an explanation- and thinks about his actions.
Devin’s rude words hurt you. This is a good enough reason to ask him to change how he acts. You are not bullying Devin. You are not hurting him. Nobody wins if you accept this meekly. You are acting like a YouTube video on repeat, acting politely towards him every day, and nothing changes. There is a famous quote about the *definition of insanity*.