I (38M) was at the supermarket recently grabbing some ingredients for dinner, it was close to closing time, so there weren’t many people around, which made it rather obvious when the security guard was gravitating around me. He eventually got close and asked me what Rugby League club my jersey was from. I don’t play Rugby League, and I’ve never had interest, but I have a naturally solid build and I could pass as a player. I told him I don’t play sports these days (I have way too much stuff going on in life) and that my jersey was a generic brand. He then proceeds to ask me who I used to play for (very assuming, right?). I got the feeling he was just an old fella who was passionate about league and genuinely liked striking up conversation with like-minded people… but I couldn’t help but feeling judged. The conversation awkwardly dissipated after a brief exchange, and we kinda avoided each other while I was browsing the isles.
​
I felt sorry for him because he seemed like a nice older fella who was being sociable, but I also felt a bit annoyed at being interrupted while going about my business, and being judged based on my appearance. However, rather than letting the interaction be so awkward, I feel like I should’ve asked questions back and got him talking about his glory days or something. What do y’all think? He probably would’ve enjoyed spouting off a story or two or letting me know how proud he was to play for a particular club. I’m generally anti-social like this, and I tend to be dubious when people approach me, whether it’s genuine or not. I don’t always like being like this. It’s as if it’s a defensive mechanism. I’m not sure whether I post this here or /AITA
​
TLDR: Old guy tries to strike up what seems to be a genuine conversation, and I awkwardly shut it down because I’m not a social creature
5 comments
You sound exactly like me. I do this all the time. I feel like my personal space and time are being invaded so I end the conversation as quickly as possible and then spend the next 2 years ruminating about it and feeling bad. Recently, I have been trying to do better by asking more questions instead of answering shortly and abruptly ending the conversation. It doesn’t cost anything to be nice to people and you never know how it’s going to affect somebody. It could be the only decent conversation they’ve had all week. It’s going to take practice (asking more questions and holding a conversation even when you don’t want to) but I think it will be worth it in the end.
I have learned to fake it to avoid the guilt later. Now, I am usually not faking but, honestly engaged as I realized caring about people matters in the moment, not after the fact. Saying your naturally blessed with an athlete’s physique and then a follow up question/lead like, “Bet you’ve got some stories to tell though?” can lead to a nice little convo that leaves neither worse for wear. I had a lot of that feeling before I learned it felt better and more satisfactory to engage than not.
He was bored, but should have been aware that the store was closing
You can always, next time you see him say “sorry I was a bit short with you the other day via was afraid the store was going to close on me”
Hmm I consider myself quite introverted but this behavior sounds kind of antisocial to me. Like, rude. If someone strikes up a conversation with me I usually respond in a friendly manner, especially if you get the feeling it’s an older person who just wants to have a conversation. Loneliness in elderly people is a common issue. The exceptions would be if I would have a feeling of being robbed or scammed. If I were to be busy I’d just say that in a polite way but I’d still be friendly and put on a smile. Purely from your text I can’t grasp what made you respond like this because you don’t mention any reason NOT to strike up a conversation. The whole “judged” part seems out of place. I mean, you’re wearing a freaking jersey for crying out loud.
You could have been stuck in a situation having to listen to this dude for 5 mins or more. Who knows when it will stop. You would have to cut him off, or have to talk to him the next time you are there, when you just want to buy groceries. Everything went as well as it could have for you.