Ever since middle school. I (17 f) noticed every time I was in a friend group, they all felt comfortable talking with each other about something “inappropriate”, but not with me. I was in 3 friend groups. It happened multiple times in all of them.
The last time it happened was this year. I was in a friend group ( Im not there anymore) of 5 girls my age. We were just hanging out, when one of them found a picture on pinterest of some shirtless guy. She showed it to everyone except for me. They were giggling, commenting the picture and just having fun. When I asked her to also show me the picture, I could see she doesnt feel comfortable showing it, but only to me. Like I was a child. She looked like she thinks this is inappropriate for me to see. She said “I think this is not right for you to see.” They also gave me those looks like they are surprised I even want to see it. I asked why? Another girl replied. “You are just too innocent” That made me sad and upset.
Like when do people stop treating me in this area like some nun? I dont want to give this overly innocent impression
11 comments
Nah, the only negative about being innocent is when those who aren’t take advantage of it.
If that’s the worst of what you got going on, that’s good. Just be mindful of anyone being too friendly or agreeable – not that there’s people who aren’t naturally that way, but those who would use it to get something from you
It’s hard to change someone’s perception of you once it is established, but it’s not impossible. It happens when they see you choosing to engage or initiate those kinds of topics. The more someone sees you laughing at crass jokes, the more they will view you as the type of person to like crass humor, for example.
If you are witnessed to be enjoying those types of things, you will be seen as such. If you are seen scoffing or making a disgusted face or shying away, you will be seen as though you do not enjoy those things.
You have nothing to prove to anyone. As cliche as it sounds, just be yourself and people will see it.
do you happen to also be religious?
Haha i kind of had the same thing when I was your age. I’m 22F now. I grew up super religious and while I wasnt personally, I was always terrified I’d let something “bad” slip and it would get back to my parents. So to a lot of people at school/my friends, I seemed innocent/prudish. If your root cause is something ingenuine, find that. Like for me, it was being way too people pleasing with my parents and scared of “seeming bad.” I haven’t been called too innocent or prudish in forever since then, honestly.
If you are naturally having traits that are more innocent, own it. Joke about it. Show your confidence. Like in the Pinterest situation, I would have been like “oh yes, you are so right, I HATE all that stuff” all sarcastically while I put a shirtless dude picture as my phone background.
There is probably some truth to their perception and can likely pick up on your own discomfort with inappropriate topics, whether you think you find it uncomfortable or not.
I’d suggest digging deeper into if or why you find inappropriate things uncomfortable. Bring your unconscious thoughts to the conscious. Then try to change your thought pattern from there.
Take it in a positive way, sometimes when people think we’re too innocent, they let their guards down, letting our so-called innocence take them by surprise. When people see us in a way that ultimately it’s not us, we must say that we can only impress them. (don’t worry about what they think, you can go see men shirtsless on the internet by yourself lol)
Innocence will attract chivalrous men (old school take i know) . You can look less cool among your friends tho. Still you might be better off how you are.
BTW you have to take more risks, give in to your emotions and experience the bad in this world to be less innocent. If that’s what u looking for.
I was like this in high school, I never dated and wasn’t comfortable or open with sexuality. I did not feel ready. They would make comments calling me “innocent (my name)”
There’s nothing wrong with that, you’re still young and there’s no rush or need to do or be anything you’re not. No matter what, people will have their names and judgements. People who were sexually active were called “sluts”. No matter what people will have something to say. But what you can do is embrace who you are and own it! Like a comment above said, if that’s the worst thing people can say about you, you are perfectly fine 🙂
I call this just another form of bullying or peer exclusion. Normally in a friend group is where you are exposed to such things for the first time, and them withdrawing it from you is like signalizing that you are not really a part of their group. When they say that you are too innocent, just say something like “What do you mean I’m too innocent, I’m the same age as you! Show me the darn picture!” or something. This will probably get rid of this weird tension between you. Don’t let people decide for you what you shall and shall not see, and what parts of the conversation you should or should not be included in, be firm and say you want to be included.
Being innocent doesn’t mean bad!!!
It’s the greatest virtue that you have above all selfish world!!
this was me in high school! Don’t worry too much about it. As you get older, your (new or old) friends will eventually share those stuff with you — though it’s been 10 years and my high school friends still think I’m too innocent for it, but I just laugh whenever they say so. For now, just enjoy spending time with your friends 💕💕