I (F28) have been with my partner for 4+ years now (M27), and we’ve been having a big issue with our sex life regarding foreplay. We barely have sex anymore because my boyfriend won’t engage in any foreplay. I’ve told him numerous times I need foreplay to have sex, but he makes out I have a problem and it’s not normal to be like this, and no other girls he’s been with have needed any foreplay. He expects me to just take my clothes off and he instantly ready at any time.
He even compares me to women on tv who just jump into having sex straight away and won’t listen to me when I say this isn’t accurate to what happens in real life. We argue over it and it really gets me down. He never used to be like this at the start. Do I really have a problem like he says?
34 comments
You don’t have a problem, he does. If he actually thinks you should be ready to go as soon as the mood hits him, then he doesn’t understand the basic mechanics of sex. But more likely he simply doesn’t care because he’s selfish and porn-brained. Dump.
Your BF is a selfish lover and gaslights you into thinking there is something wrong with you.
He never had any issue with other women because of this… Well, they probably left him behind because of it.
Foreplay is the best part…
You have a selfish lover for a partner… Totally reasonable thing to end a relationship over.
His response to your communication speaks volumes about his character.
>No other girls he’s been with have needed any foreplay.
Your boyfriend basically just admitted he’s never satisfied another woman before. And that he watches way too much porn.
Of course you don’t have a problem. Most people in general, not just women, want foreplay before sex. It’s unreasonable for him to think you’ll just be ready just because he is… our bodies don’t work like that.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what his previous experiences were. He’s with you, and you need foreplay for sex. If he’s unwilling to do foreplay to make sure you’re satisfied, it shows how selfish of a lover he is and is probably a precursor to a lot of non-sexual selfishness. I would never date somebody that puts me down sexually and compared me to past partners.
I’m sorry. Yes, you’re right that it doesn’t matter that other women don’t need foreplay. What matters is that you need/want it.
Have you told him what foreplay you like? Have you told him what you are into? No, you don’t have a problem. He does.
Most other girls also have shitty sex lives with their partners, who are selfish lovers. Foreplay is pretty freaking important for both parties involved be it a cis het couple, a gay couple or a trans couple.
Well, you *do* have a problem, but not the problem your BF says you have. The *boyfriend* is the problem. He’s ill-informed as well as selfish and unwilling to learn.
Advice? Get a new boyfriend that’s not selfish.
Imagine being proud for not pleasing your partner
Why are his exes what he considers to be a good sample size of women??? If they were satisfied by his bad sex, they wouldn’t be exes.
Dump this dude and find you somebody that will have foreplay with you. Please stop wasting your good gawd given cookies on this man
Ah. No. Your BF is wrong. And deluded.
Most women (if not all), require foreplay.
Comparing you to women on TV? Spare me. That’s not real life, he does know that, right?! If he thinks that what he sees on TV is an accurate representation of reality… you have big problems.
Your BF is wrong. And you need to consider if you really want to stay with someone like that.
Tell us you totally suck in bed without telling us you totally suck in bed. OP’s boyfriend will go first.
You have a selfish boyfriend problem. Only one real way to cure those- get rid of them. It seems you to are not compatible sexually and that’s ok. Don’t settle for not receiving satisfying sex. That is a recipe for future disaster. It builds resentment and is unfulfilling. Though some woman can jump right into sex it doesn’t mean you have to. Sex is more than just PIV, and it sounds like he only cares about that aspect as it satisfies him.
He’s 27 and if he doesn’t “get it” by now then you are dating an immature boy. He should know that every PERSON is different! What works for one may not work for the other. If he’s that closed minded that he can’t see YOUR point of view and acknowledge your feelings because he’s stuck in “no other girls have this problem” then get rid of him. This is the first sign of him not listening to your concerns and COMPARING YOU to his previous flings.
Straight male here who loves foreplay. Your guy has some issues. This is likely porn informed as well. Any man who has had an enjoyable sex life and enjoys getting his female partners off knows women especially need foreplay more than men. Those other women were just telling him what he wanted to hear or he is so oblivious he didn’t realize that they did not enjoy the sex.
The problem you have is him. From porn and movies some of us men think that from the start but that should have been trained out of him by now at 27. His previous partners might not have know themselves or not cared enough about him to train him. Please don’t let him gaslight you into thinking you are the problem. If he’s not listening to you here he’s probably not respecting you in other areas. You can try and train him if you want to stay but if not that’s the next woman’s problem. Chose yourself
You do indeed have a problem – your BF. He is a selfish lover instead of someone considerate who cares about what their partner wants.
I have a firm belief that a couple cannot have a healthy relationship without also having a healthy sex life. Have you tried telling him flat out “*I don’t care what happens on TV, I want kissing and making out and fooling around and having fun before sex instead of just wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am.*”
If you’ve already talked to him and told him what you want, and he won’t or doesn’t care, you may want to reconsider the relationship.
Yes, you have a problem. Your boyfriend is the problem. The fact that he wasn’t like this before suggests that he is taking you for granted, which is not a good sign. If he won’t change, you should trade up. Good luck, OP.
He’s lazy. He doesn’t care about your pleasure. He watches too much porn. He can’t compare you to previous partners. You are a unique individual who requires something more than he gives you. This will not change. IS this what you want for the rest of your life?
Everyone needs foreplay. It sounds like he is manipulating you into just giving him what he wants.
Your problem is that you’re still with him.
Your BF’s expectations are unrealistic. Possibly because he’s forming them from watching too much porn.
Nothing wrong with you.
Tbh, as a guy, I’m mystified at the idea of not wanting foreplay. Like… what? You don’t want even more sexy time with your partner? What?
It makes absolutely no sense to me
He could always call up those other women he speaks of and ask them if he’s ever made them come.
No foreplay, no play. Tell him he’s crap in bed and you want better.
Your boyfriend needs to read the book “Come As You Are.” Many women have responsive desire, which means many women need foreplay. He clearly doesn’t understand women. The only problem you have is your boyfriend.
He’s definitely the problem here. It’s ridiculous to expect you to just be ready like that. Using tv is a terrible example
Your bf is wrong on so many levels, not to mention selfish. There are plenty of men willing to provide foreplay. Don’t waste your time.
Oh dear god, please throw the whole man away. What an utter, utter waste of a penis.
Yes, you have a problem. It’s him. Get rid.
OF course you don’t. I laughed so hard at your title (sorry) because does he not realize that you ARE a woman and would know? Or think that you don’t speak to other women ever? Does he think none of us commnunicate? It’s not normal to refuse to engage in foreplay in a commited healthy relationship. That’s just a really shitty and selfish partner who gives exactly ZERO Fs about you or your pleasure and cares only about himself. His limited experience does not equal knowledge. It’s likely other girls either didn’t enjoy his foreplay enough or he’s lying or they were desperate? I think he’s likely lying.
But, he’s entitled to his own opinion. You tried to tell him, as an ACTUAL WOMAN, the truth – but I guess he thinks he knows better. That’s fine. I would just stop having sex with him completely. In reality though, you need to break up. 4+ years doesn’t mean anything when you are disrespected and made to feel like your feelings don’t matter. You told your partner what you need in intamacy and he fought you about it? Um, no. He was likely on his best behavior with you in the beginning… but this is him. If you don’t like it (and you absolutely should NOT) then you should end it. I can’t believe this guy has the nerve to argue with YOU about what women need sexually. UNBELIEVABLE.
I guarantee this isn’t the only selfish and abusive thing he’s doing. Dump him and tell him it’s because he’s bad in bed. Let him read all of these responses. This is the problem with porn. It doesn’t show women having orgasms 99.9% of the time.
So he expects you to be dripping wet in the nether regions when he takes his clothes off?
Yeah, that never happens unless there is foreplay beforehand. Whether it is talking dirty or teasing each other over the clothes or just touching each other intimately.
A woman needs foreplay. You can just shove a penis (or fingers) into a dry canal. It’ll cause too much pain for both parties.
Your partner has a experienced alot of fake orgasms because foreplay is essential
4 years of this ? You don’t deserve to be treated like that