Title.
I feel like most of the time people giving advice on here and other dating subs are speaking based on an outdated worldview. With the domination of the internet over life, things move hyper fast, and thus many ideas lose relevance quickly. I don’t doubt that much of this advice has been effective in the past, but, simply put, not anymore.
Nerdy millennials want so badly to convince others that “confidence” is the most important thing in winning a partner. That might have been true some years ago, not anymore. Dating has become about highlighting reels. Younger people are chronically online; if their bf/gf isn’t the shiny star they want posted on their social media, then they’re better off, because the internet has provided them with better options. I saw on statista yesterday that 40% of relationships were formed online, as of 2017. I can only imagine the pandemic shot up that number even higher. If you lack the confidence and your personality sucks, it might cost you a relationship — but it will hardly ever earn you one. We’ve all suffered from beauty standards, but paradoxically now it’s worse than ever, thanks to the chronic exposure to social media.
This is a personal feeling, but somehow it feels like people are just more aggressive with each other for no reason. This is more true among my generation, Gen Z. I can’t approach people anymore because I am genuinely afraid they’ll lash out at me and make a scene out of randomly insulting a stranger. All of this does render much of the advice I see here useless, simply because it’s not applicable to the speaker. I do relatively well on dating apps but it’s literally nothing beyond sēx and going out a few times.
Happy to discuss.
9 comments
I think having confidence in yourself is good advice not only for dating, but for life. If you don’t love and appreciate yourself first, you are going to have a very difficult time in a relationship. You’re also going to have a difficult time in social situations. In my opinion, I believe that you are misunderstanding and misinterpreting what that advice means. Telling someone to have confidence, isn’t outdated advice.
You may walk up to someone and strike out, but at least you take the shot. That’s what is wrong with a lot of people; they’re too afraid of everything and everyone to do anything in real life that is not on the internet. If people would practice talking to other people in real life, they’d be amazed how much their confidence, social anxiety, social skills, dating lives, friendships, and so many other things would improve.
As a society, we’re forgetting how to communicate with each other. I’ve been on so many dates where the person couldn’t hold a conversation when we were face to face. They could only text their thoughts. It’s heartbreaking and frustrating.
In a way I do think “be confident” is outdated, but it’s actually because girls actually are a bit scared of guys that are too confident. I’ve realized it’s not a good thing to be desensitized to rejection. It just means that you are so desperate that you’ve asked a ton of girls out trying to play the “numbers game”.
I am very assertive about what I want and go for it but this is also scary to girls because they are always thinking “what does this guy actually want” or “will he be super pushy about sex”. So I am actually taking a step back and developing a more quiet confidence, as well as only asking a girl out when I’m actually sure I like her, not just because she was a woman who entered my path.
Confidence is always the key. You just may have to take different steps to date now. That’s about it.
Yes dating is shifting to OPD primary but what most folks don’t get is your profile tells a story of who you are. And a lot of folks show on their profiles a true lack of self esteem.
I disagree, yes, dating has become a way faster and way harsher process, but its principles are still the same: present your best sides and hope that your flaws will go unnoticed behind your confidence and charm. And when it comes to approaching, i am more than sure that people who hate being approached have ways existed. Just think of all the couples that met through friends or hobby groups or in high school or university, in the situations were they already knew each other somewhat in stead of being complete strangers on the street.
To your point of being shallow, face level confidence would speak wonders to those people so I don’t think your point stands
Dating apps have destroyed my confidence in dating. I’m no model but I’m not ugly. Pretty much zero success. What I fear is that peoples insanely unrealistic standards are bleeding into real life.
The internet has changed life but it hasn’t changed the human animal. I personally think some things will always be true about people. To your example of confidence, are you saying confidence isn’t attractive? If so I totally disagree.
If someone want me to always be a shiny star, screw that. I’m not and I don’t think anyone is, it’s not realistic to expect that. If someone has unrealistic expectations of me then they ain’t my kind of person man.
Ahem. Confidence is not a millennial term or mode of advice. And if advice from a millennial to a millennial would be outdated I don’t know what you want. Hell you don’t listen to realism any way so why even ask the questions. People are only trying to help from wherever it was that they experienced similarities in the events and you want to be critical of that.
It’s not outdated, it’s just irrelevant for some people. It’s about maturity and the age group you are in. Millennial dating advice is often times not going to transfer very well to younger OR older age groups. BUT that doesn’t mean that the advice won’t someday be helpful for when you get to that age group. All about maturity.