I (30F) have been dating a guy (32M) for 2 ish months and everything has been on the up and up. For the sake of anonymity, let’s call him Sam. Sam and I met on social media where he reached out to me and immediately we hit it off. After about a week or so of texting we finally met up for a date and the connection was immediate for both of us. Since then we talk every single day, and I have grown to be very fond of him. He expresses that he feels the same and we had been pretty consistent at seeing each other about once a week. Thanksgiving rolled around and both of us traveled. However, we kept up consistent communication even while being out of town, even being up to the middle of the night texting/flirting with each other. I ended up coming back home after the holiday, whereas he extended his trip. Then two days before he was supposed to return the texts just stopped without any indication as to why. I woke up and sent a good morning text, got to the end of the day and no response, which is extremely unlike him. For context, even if he’s not having a good day he checks in even just to let me know that he needed to take some time.. The next morning I text him again. “Babe?” … again, no response. I’m a bit of an anxious type. So I start to worry but logically I’m sure everything’s OK. the day that he was supposed to return. I wait until the evening and then I call him and the call goes to voicemail like he may have still been on the plane. I wait until the next morning, I call again, to which he doesn’t answer, but send me a text saying “I’m going to talk to you when I get home, no need to worry” and well, that was three days ago. Yes, I have sent at least one text explaining how I’m confused and not sure if I need to be giving him some time which is no problem. And then another text telling him that disappearing without saying anything is a little wild considering How consistently we talk. I really like this guy, and up until he stopped texting me. It would seem as if he liked me too. But, as of now things are completely silent. I feel like he has earned a little bit of benefit of the doubt. But I’m not sure how long to wait for him to call before I should try to move on from the situation. Advice?
14 comments
It sounds like you already communicated your feelings about the situation to him. At this point, it’s time to stop texting him. He might be ghosting, might be going through something with family, or maybe wants to slow it down. The worst thing you can do right now is to continue texting and calling. Give him space
It sounds like Sam has a girlfriend.. or wife
Time to back off. He’s either having a really hard time or pulling back. Either way you won’t know so best to not try and make up any reasons. This is very important. Do your best to not make it personal.
Take care of yourself and assume he’s gone. He could still show up but don’t count on it.
I’m confused as to how he’s “earned the benefit of the doubt” here. He did respond to you saying not to worry and that he would talk when he got home. Then you sent at least 2 more texts it sounds like, and he still hasn’t responded to you. The fact that up until now he was good at responding shows that he is capable of doing so. I would not give him the benefit of the doubt, and I would not text him again. I would block and move on happily. It’s been 2 months, this is supposed to be the honey moon phase
Do you know the reason that he extended his stay? Something might have come up with family or something else and him saying he would call you soon might be his way of saying he sees you messaging and calling and he will when he gets the chance.
Ghosting is an absolutely cruel thing to do to someone. All I can say is it had better be a medical emergency of some kind. Has he been active on any social media in any capacity?
Some people would rather ghost than have a hard conversation IE “I think I need to end this relationship.” Ghosting is cruel because you have no idea if that’s it, if you’ve done something to hurt them, if they’re upset, or if they’re just a jerk and when they finally answer you feel silly and relieved they are talking. It’s kinda manipulative if you ask me.
I would honestly treat this as a breakup. Benefit of the doubt is great, but they also have to give you something to work with. You could send one more text saying that you’re trying to give him said benefit, but you need something to work with. A simple, “I need space and I need you to just trust me,” would at least be something.
Sounds like men
May be he can’t respond (I.e, in jail ) etc.
Sounds to me like he has a girlfriend or is married
What you SHOULD do is block him and move on. Whatever his reason is, it’s too early on in your dating for this. Even if he’s super busy with family stuff and his mom is sick or whatever, you’ve made it clear you’re confused and anxious to talk to him bc your communication has totally changed and he does not care. He can’t even call for 2 minutes to explain what is going on. He doesn’t care. He’s a human. He knows “don’t worry” means fuck all. Of course worry does no good, but he has told you nothing so all you can do is speculate. Please please find the strength to block him and move on and never think about him again. Delete him from all over so you can’t look him up later. Sadly he probably won’t ever try to reach out again so he won’t know he’s blocked, but this way you’re not staring at your phone or waiting for an email. I’m so sorry. His behavior is not going to change though, he’s going to be on his best behavior this early on and only get worse.
His wife come back from a work trip
This is a really crazy time of year for a lot of people, so it’s possible he’s just wrapped up in other stuff right now. I say just stop texting him, and if he doesn’t get back to you by mid-January he’s not interested.
4 dates and calling someone “babe” already. Yikes.
I think he’s used this opportunity to back way off (or ghost) and that you should block him on all platforms.
boo