TLDR; underweight 29F with a gainer kink. I need to gain muscle and fat as my BMI is 17.5-18.0 but it’s causing inner turmoil. I have disordered eating patterns and part of why is trying to avoid this kink.
Yeah I need help on how to manage this.
I have a fucking weird kink, which is a gainer kink. I got it when I was ~7 when some inflation content made it into a TV show and blew my mind.
It’s been an issue since. I get why a kink like this exists for an evolutionary purpose as in a nutrient scarce world. Having excess fat would likely save your life in starvation or childbirth situations.
But I HATE this kink. The sub/dom component bothers me, the forced feeding bothers me, feederism bothers me and the promotion towards immobilization REALLY bothers me. I basically like the idea isolated to myself of gaining some weight (10-30lbs) so I have a tummy and thick thighs but after the post-nut clarity I am pretty over it.
Normally this stuff just doesn’t come up. I try to not overeat to avoid the feelings. It’s naturally quite hard for me to eat enough to be in caloric excess. I don’t restrict other than portion sizes and never hated my body if it does have fat on it. I just feel like this kink has a slippery slope effect so I avoid it.
But recently multiple people close to me are actively bulking/gaining, or stress/binge eating & most people I am close to have put on 10-40lbs.
I have to pretend it’s not bothering me bc nobody else knows I have this kink.
On top of that, I lost 10% of my body weight due to stress. I genuinely need to gain fat and muscle and the shame I feel overeating combined with the nausea is so bad. I’m active and need to stay that way for my mental health. How do I make peace with this so I get healthy while minimizing engagement to this kink I am ashamed of?
2 comments
I’m unsure exactly which part of this situation you’re hoping to address here, but let me just say that *hating* one’s kinks is probably a big waste of mental energy. There are usually a variety of ways to satisfy your kinky urges, and some of them are probably safe and low-impact for you.
I can’t guess what those safe and low-impact methods would be in your case, but I bet if you think about it for a while, you’ll come up with a couple of options.
Have you spoken with a therapist? It seems really hard to balance an eating disorder and a kink. Sorry you’re going through it.