i (19f) have a guy friend (20m) that i’ve known for a little while longer than my boyfriend (19m) and we’ve been pretty good friends for a long time now. my boyfriend really disliked me hanging out with him at first because he used to like me and would call me cute sometimes. i told him that he definitely no longer likes me (because he said he got over me) and that it’s purely platonic now, so now my boyfriend doesn’t have an issue with him.
however, hanging out with the guy friend last night, it suddenly clicked that i think he’s into me still (or at the least still sexually attracted to me). here are the things he did that made me sus, listed in order from least to most sus:
– he said he dropped all his dinner plans with other people as soon as i asked him to eat with me (i often ask to eat dinner at the dining hall on thursdays when my boyfriend has a club meeting)
– my shirt lifted and he pointed out that i had abs
– i think he was hard around me cuz he had his crotch covered with his jacket lol
– i’m confused on this but still thought it was weird: apparently the way i was running up the stairs and taking my coat off looked like it was from some “adult film”??
– i mentioned that in my ice skating show that there’s a part where we go on one leg and you see all our butts (probably shouldn’t have even brought this up but i was showing the video of the show) and he‘ll be going to the show and he was like “damn i get to see [my name]’s butt?” and was motioning taking pictures as a joke
– i was laying on my bed and he was sitting on a chair near it with his legs stretched onto the bed and i was like ew ur feet keep them away from my and he kept stretching them closer to me and he was basically touching me with his feet and very close to my boob. i moved away after i realized
so yea idk what people think about the meaning of these things and if they are acceptable. i told my boyfriend about all this and he said i have to block him and can no longer be friends. and while i felt that the stuff he did made me a bit uncomfortable and i see where my boyfriend is coming from, it would make me sad to just lose a friend entirely.
TLDR; i think myy guy friend is attracted to me and it makes me a bit uncomfortable given that i have a boyfriend but i really don’t want to lose a friend
8 comments
Would things be different between you and your friend if you weren’t in a relationship?
I agree with your boyfriend, all of these things together means he doesn’t see you as a friend at all. I think you continuing to see him is going to be taken as interest.
This guys clearly still into you, you gotta decide whether you value your relationship with your boyfriend more, or a “friend” who constantly undermines your relationship to try and get closer to you… Also question whether you and him would still be friends if he wasn’t attracted to you.
I am not one to cut off platonic friends.
But its pretty obvious this dude is into you… And you should be creating space from people like that when you’re in a relationship.
If I was your BF and you’re not creating space from him on your own, I would probably be leaving the relationship.
Never end a friendship because an insecure partner asks you to. But in this case, this guy isn’t your friend. He’s an orbiter who’s made intentions clear and is just waiting to catch you in a moment of vulnerability. You need to lose this “friend”, but not because your boyfriend is asking you to.
If a girls doesn’t banish the circling wolves when she gets a man, he’s not your man and your not his woman. Hes just the one your current sleeping with.
If you love and respect your boyfriend, you will cut off your friend without hesitation. Ask yourself if you would like your boyfriend being close to a girl who likes him. Your boyfriend can’t tell you who you can or cannot be friends with, but if I were him, it would be a deal breaker and I would end things with you.
You should rethink this friendship even if you were single.