I am Pregnant but my husband doesn’t want the baby. What do I do?

28 comments

1. Sit down and have a discussion but ultimately it is your decision. If he still does not want the baby then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your marriage, is this someone you want to spend the rest of your like with?

2. I don’t think you should count on being able to convince him that it’s the right thing to keep it. I doubt you’ll be able to make him happy about it if he’s this adamant about termination. Which sucks. It takes two to make a baby and if he didn’t want a child he should have taken more steps to not impregnate you.

   Regardless, what you must ask yourself now is, “Do I want to be a single mother?”. I’m not trying to be grim but this is one of those things that ends relationships. Whatever you choose is completely valid/okay. If you do want to keep the baby and raise it on your own, consider researching legal counsel. It doesn’t mean you’re moving on with a divorce or anything NOW, but it’s good for you to have information regarding what things like child support or custody might look like for you if you do end up divorcing/separating.

3. There has to be more from his objection to having a baby. Do you have other kids and this one is unplanned? Did you guys agree to be childfree? Is he worried about practical things like cost of raising a child or lack of support you will get?

   Were you fighting and thinking of divorce for other issues prior to this?

   I couldn’t imagine being forced to have another child after having one child without any support but me and my wife. She’s brought it up a few times and i have panic attacks, the first few years were like torture for both of us, it’s barely getting better

4. Yes, your marriage is in jeopardy.

   In my case, I viewed it as a choice to live through a divorce or an abortion. I, personally, thought divorce would be preferable. He left after 10 months and filed for divorce after two and a half years. He never changed his mind about wanting to parent, though he did get to know my son and admit he is “insanely cool” and that I probably made a good choice in the long run. My son is 20 years old now. I definitely don’t mourn that marriage the way I would’ve mourned the child had I terminated, so I get it for sure.

5. Give a day or two to collect your thoughts, then have that necessary discussion on what the plan is since you’ve decided to keep the baby. The choices are your husband nuts up and prepares for fatherhood, or you both prepare for separation and possible divorce.

6. “He will learn to be a father” is the worst advice. He’s probably going to bring up in every argument about how he didn’t want the baby in the first place. Please don’t take this advice hoping he’ll change his mind. That’s a huge risk to take. Decide if you want to be a single parent. I think you’ll resent him if you terminate.

7. It’s fine for you to keep the baby, but he’s also entitled to leave and not parent a baby he does not want. If he stays, you both risk resentment. Differences in whether to have children is probably the #1 incompatibility; couples cannot compromise on having half a baby.

8. Your marriage is over. I’m so sorry. You want this baby so you have to keep it. If you get an abortion to please your husband, you will hate yourself for it. And him, so you’ll end up divorced or extremely unhappy anyways. Leave him and keep your baby.

   Unfortunately, you can’t make him change his mind and you can’t make him be a good father. If he doesn’t want to do it, he’s not going to.

   I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. Get your affairs in order as quickly as you can and find the best attorney you can afford. It takes two to tango and this man will need to pay up in child support. If he didn’t want to, he should have worn a condom or gotten snipped.

   To be clear, I am 100% pro-choice. But in this situation, you WANT this baby. Don’t get an abortion.

9. Yes your marriage is in jeopardy. Do whatever you want to do. If you want a child than keep the baby, you will be giving up your marriage and likely be a single mother.

   Does your husband ever want kids? If not then you married the wrong man.

10. Maintaining the pregnancy is your decision. It’s his decision if he wants to stick around. Proceed forward knowing you’re very likely to be a single parent.

11. You can either keep the baby and be a single mother, or abort and resent your husband

    There is no happy outcome for this one I’m afraid ):

12. Not talking to you is a manipulation technique to try and get you to do what he wants. It’s a dick move. It’s his right to feel whatever he wants. And it’s even his right to leave the relationship if it comes to that. But to shut you out so you’ll comply, not cool. If you address it (the silent treatment), he’s likely to use anger as manipulation tactic #2. Stay true to your own convictions on this, especially if your man is so emotionally stunted that he resorts to manipulation to get his way.

13. I’m not trying to dissuade you from having this baby at all but you asked what to do.

    One of the first steps is to come to terms with the fact that your marriage may very well end because of this and you will be a single mother. The second step is to take stock of your support system when it comes to caring for this baby. Do you have income, can you afford to live on your own, do you have a car? If you split your husband will likely be on the hook for child support but there’s no telling how much.

    There’s countless stories from single moms everywhere about how their child support checks can’t even cover a week of groceries. I spoke to a woman recently who was only paid $40 in support. You need to start gathering your resources and being honest about what you can handle. What quality of life will you and the baby realistically have?

    You can’t convince him to be a father and you shouldn’t even want to convince him. If you have to beg a man to show up for his kid he probably wasn’t worth having a kid with in the first place.

14. I’m sorry this is happening to you , but I would not have a baby by a man who doesn’t want it. To much of a gamble .. you said birth control failed , so it’s neither fault , but if you really keen on keeping your baby please understand the struggles you might go through as a single mom .

    You two are married, what is he’s going to do divorce you? Did he threaten divorce ??

    Did you two have a conversation on the what ifs ( just in case you do get pregnant!?!

    He might resent you , he might come around .. from how you put it he’s not totally against it , it’s just the timing sucks . Idk keep talking to him .. suggest therapy idk . These situations no one wins .

15. > He won’t talk to me because I won’t agree to terminate the pregnancy.

    How long has it been?

16. My husband didn’t want our 3rd baby and reacted horribly when I excitedly told him. It was awful but eventually he came around and was excited and now of course loves her. (He did ask me if I wanted to have an abortion which made me feel worse at first but then things got better). Just giving you some hope.

17. You talk with your husband.

    Then talk some more, be honest.

    If he can’t handle having a child & you chose to have one there are steps to take with a lawyer.

    You make the choice you’re going to have to live with. This is your life, you need to choose accordingly.

18. Leave the husband. I didn’t think I wanted a child, or at least was always on the fence. 100% he’s the best thing in my life. Keep your child if you want them.

19. Another example of “How could YOU let this happen”?
    As if you just duplicated yourself alone in a corner when he wasn’t looking…
    Deeper problems here maybe. Some just aren’t cut out for parenthood…or require more time.
    It requires loads of patience and self sacrifice. And money money money. Enough to break you if you’re already in trouble.
    As a married couple it should be a mutual decision or there will be resentment. If you can’t even discuss a serious decision, I’d be concerned what else you guys will have difficulty working through.

20. Divorce or abortion. Ur main 2 options.

21. Kids are nonnegotiable. If you can’t agree on kids then your lifestyles aren’t compatible and you should divorce.

    Talking about what to do if you have an accident pregnancy is something you should’ve discussed while dating before even having sex, not after you’re already married and it happens. Unfortunately you can’t turn back the clock. So your options now are have the baby and get divorced or terminate the pregnancy and stay married, or I guess terminate the pregnancy and get divorced (if being a single parent isn’t an option for you) to find someone who wants the same future and life as you. You’re the only person who can decide which course of action will be the best for you and your mental/emotional health.

22. His reasons are financials. He wants us to save for a year more and be in our own house before a baby. Those are the only reasons he has given

23. You’re determined to have it. He’s determined not to. So you choices are, terminate for his sake or keep for your sake. Imo always do what’s best for you.

24. Are you prepared to be a single mother? That’s the question you need to ask yourself

25. If you terminate your pregnancy you’ll resent yourself and your husband for doing so.

26. You 100% have the sole right to have the baby, and he 100% has the right to leave.

    And you both 100% have the right to take each others’ needs into account anyway, and should, or else what are you even doing married.

    So it comes down to this, to me at least: kids deserve to have two wanting parents. If you’re going to compromise on that, what is your reason? Do you want to keep this kid because you are impatient to have a kid NOW, you don’t know much about abortion and it scares you, or something along those lines? Or because abortion will take too much from you emotionally, or take something you may never get back? It’s probably somewhere in the middle, but which way does it lean?

    If the former group, I’d suggest reconsidering how determined you are. If it’s the latter group (and it sounds like it is based on “determined”), then yeah, you kind of gotta have the kid.

27. If you want the baby, divorce. There is a bunch of men out there who pretend to want to be a father and make their woman feel like a single mom in a marriage. My point is you ll have to go through it ALONE Regardless.
    Do what you feel and whats best for you 🫶🏻

28. To me babies are a 2 yes situation. I’d never have a baby with a man who didn’t passionately want one because I think it would lead to resentment and destruction of the relationship. But that is my policy for my own body.

    It sounds like having the baby will wreck your marriage due to your husbands resentment and having an abortion will wreck your marriage due to your resentment. So at this point, there is likely no avoiding divorce, so it shouldn’t factor in your decision. The question now is do you want to be a single mom.