Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 3 month’s. I love her and she says she loves me but her actions hurt me. She talked to her ex and I was cool with it before but at a party I got drunk and asked her to be take care of me but she refused and danced with her ex. She said the reason she did not take care of me was because she was angry that I lied to her about not drinking and saying that I was sober.
Since then I always feel weird about her interacting with her ex. When I told her i was hurt by this she told she just danced and there’s nothing wrong with dancing with someone be it her ex or anyone. She did eventually apologize to me but the way she always acts defensively makes me think that she isn’t sincere about her apology.
These days I get to see her very less because I have my exams coming up. I had free time yesterday so I thought I will spend time with her before hitting the gym. She and I go to different gyms.
In the gym Her tanktop was in a weird position so her bra was visible so I naturally tried to cover it up but her tanktop wasn’t fully covering it up so I said what kinda cloth is this. I was not judging her clothes. I just wanted her bra to be covered up in a gym full of guys. She got angry and sent me off. When I asked her why did she get angry and sent me off.. she said it was because I judged her. In the end I apologized I don’t know why.
Later over text she told me that her exes spotted her in some exercises which flipped me off. I got angry because I feel like I put a lot of effort in our relationship to make her feel safe and secure and she doesn’t understand that her interaction with her ex kill me even though I have told her many times. She said I don’t trust her. I do trust her but she does things that I am not comfortable with so what can I say. I think if I acted like her she would have left me.
My ex had written a lot of poems about me and our relationship and I told my girlfriend about this. She wanted to see these poems out of curiosity. I texted my ex and sent all the screenshots to my girlfriend in which I did not do anything bad but she still got angry.
I don’t understand how she can get angry over me texting my ex once to get the poems she wanted to see and then dance with her ex and ask him to spot him after sending me off.
3 comments
Maybe as a starter:
“hey babe, can we talk serious for a sec? So, I’m honestly not trying to pick a fight with you, I just wanna communicate how I’m feeling and hopefully get a sense of what you’re feeling too. I really love you and I hope you know I’d never do anything to hurt you. That being said, I’m not at all comfortable with the interactions between you and your ex. I trust you, but I don’t trust him, and tbh it hurts and makes me feel like you don’t care that he’s essentially not respecting our relationship and not respecting the friendship boundaries. I want you to trust me like I do with you, that’s why I have no problem telling/showing anything my ex said/does. I think going forward, maybe you could clearly state those boundaries and I’ll do the same with my ex. If he doesn’t stick to it, then maybe that’s not the kind of friend you need. What do you think/feel?”
Or some variation of that I guess? If she’s not willing to compromise or put in the effort after talking, you might need to decide if the relationship is worth keeping.
Hope this at least gets the gears moving in the direction you want!
Crappy reason she gave you for not taking care of you and giving attention to another man. What a joke. If you don’t want your heart broken even further, break up and dodge a bullet. She doesn’t care about you one bit. Still talking to her ex and affectionate behavior alone is a major red flag.
Don’t get involved with people that still talk to their exes. Huge red flag.