my bf (23m) and I (20f) have been dating for about 8 months. I’ve always been kind of slow in terms of sex. We didn’t start having sex until a month into our relationship. For even more context, I don’t even like giving head until I really know you. He found that weird. He’s always been more sexual, always finding some new position thinking I’m some acrobat for Cirque du Soleil. I’ve expressed I’m definitely on a different page and we discussed the pace of our relationship. We had that conversation like 5 months ago. Last month we were back in our hometown for thanksgiving break, everyone was back hanging out at local bars or kickbacks. His ex, let’s call her Jane, was there. We are cool no animosity, I had a lot of interactions over the years since our friend groups cross over. My boyfriend was drunk talking to me about how he ran into Jane and etc. I was tipsy so I don’t remember the conversation verbatim but he mentioned how his ultimate fantasy were if Jane and I were to hookup and he would jump in. He says a lot of things so I brushed it off. Fast forward to the present, he brought it up again. He was sober. Looked me straight in the eye and said that. I said no but he keeps on talking about it. It makes me uncomfortable, and before people start not because she’s a girl, I’m bi. BUT SHES HIS EX. His ex of almost 2 years. I asked some of my friends they were 50/50 on this, saying “it would be hot” WHAT. So now I feel crazy. and concerning his persistence, I think it’s best to call it quits. How should I go about this?
47 comments
The old FMF experience that is glamorized in porn.
Ask him if he is ok with you bringing another guy into the bedroom first for a MFM…… then see about a FMF experience.
My guess is he says no-way and with his EX? that is just weird.
That dumb boy… They never learn.
You’re dating an idiot.
It sounds like he still wants sex with his ex and wants to involve you so it won’t count as cheating.
Also, don’t let anyone make you feel bad for waiting a month for sex and not enjoying giving head unless you know a guy well. I’m the same way. There’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t have to enjoy sex with strangers.
Call it quits they been talking behind your back
You need a new bf that’s not acceptable. Kinda rude in my opinion.
I would be so insecure. Girl, have a serious talk with him, and if it bothers you more than anything and he still don’t listen, maybe it’s not worth it 🤷♀️
Fantasy versus reality. I’m trying to imagine a threesome with my ex and my girlfriend and it feels hellish. They’ve already fucked. I’d just be in the corner because I wouldn’t want to touch my ex. Yeah no. I can’t even imagine it to be hot haha. Just awkward.
Your boyfriend is dumb. Big dumb dumb.
Big red flags here. You are young, drop him and move on
It’s only “hot” if you think it’s hot. If you’re not interested, don’t feel badly about that. These things are an “everyone has to be on the same page” type of deal, and consent is everything. It’s not a “best two out of three.” If you aren’t interested you aren’t interested and he should respect that.
Get rid of this fuck boy!!! You are so young, get out there and find someone better for you!!!!!!
Tell him boy bye have fun with your ex….
Sounds like he wants to have sex with his ex again and is using a “threesome” as a decoy to do that.
That’s a disaster in the making.
Breakup with this man for being a fucking moron.
Wanting a FFM is pretty normal imo. With an ex? No. I’m incredibly open and am dowk for anything, but that’s just a recipe for disaster.
He’s got a lot of nerve asking you to do that. Even if you are bi. He’s a butthole. I’d quit him.
Yeah this is a red flag. I would ditch him because it’s not going to end the way you want
I’ve been their he just wanted to fuck her and have ne involved so he could say it doesn’t count as cheating but it does if it was someone neither of you have met sure but an ex just means he still wants to fuck her and they have definitely been talking or fucking behind your back and this is just a cover
This will be a disaster if you go through with this. You really should dump him for disrespecting you by suggesting this.
DUMP THIS MAN RIGHT NOW GIRL WHAT😀
The fantasy will not meet the reality for him.
You want to wait a month before sex and longer before head…. You some like a real nice woman…..you know that this idea of his is a bad idea at best. He sounds like a waste of your time, you can do better
i think i would throw up if my bf ever suggested this to me
Tell him he’s two people short of a threesome and that you wish him well in the future doesn’t include you.
YOU SHOULD ASK HIM 3 SOME WITH YOUR EX FIRST!!!
With his ex!?! Absolutely not
No.
The reason is there, it doesn’t need to be explained. Your partner is fucked in the head to suggest that.
His ex would be an absolute hard no. I’d probably tell him if he still wants her so bad he can have her, but we’re done. And I don’t mean IF he hooks up with her. His sober suggestion would be enough reason to tell him to F off.
Stop.
Take a deep breath.
Think about your relationship.
You can do better. You deserve to be treated better.
You are carrying excess baggage. Dump the BF.
break up with him then hook up with her (if you feel so inclined) without him
girl run
This is incredibly dumb of him to suggest. Maybe this is something you would consider pursue in totally different circumstances, but it’ll be hard to be comfortable for a while after this.
If you want to be educated, find a book on ethical non-monogamy. Then compare to how your friends suggested things might play out.
You mean your ex bf right?
Edit: also just dump him. You don’t owe him some grand explanation. Just say “this isn’t working for me” and block him
I don’t even need to read this. Just no.
Ask him if he’s okay with you bringing your ex bf in to help him bang you. Guaranteed he’ll say hell no! Lol 😂
I got a headache. Run
So this is an insult in Egypt شخريله(Snort to him)
I don’t know his inside intentions, but a boundary is here, an EX should never be mentioned after this. One set with him with open heart communication to close the door of this situation, either fixing this issue or seeing how much he doesn’t respect your feelings and boundaries.
My now boyfriend said similar things to me in the past because he knew I was bi and at the time we were not exclusive or even together yet. He had also just broken up with his ex recently. We talked about his desire for a threesome with his ex later on, because it always made me really uncomfortable that he suggested that even though we weren’t anything serious then.
In conclusion, I do think that at this point, your boyfriend still has at least sexual desires / attraction towards his ex. How you should go about this depends on what you’re looking for in this relationship. If you hope to have something more with this guy, I think you should make it clear how his fantasies about his ex make you feel, and go from there. If he feels the same way about you and cares about you, then he would stop talking about his threesome fantasy or expect it to happen.
Dump him… rude…inconsiderate…asshole
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My immediate thought just after reading the headline; walk away
Go for it if you want and if you would enjoy the deed, youre an adult. However, never make the mistake of settling down/marrying that tool.
just gonna add that its a pretty common agreement for couples that have threesomes to NOT involve exes. so even if this WAS a valid idea of his, (which it definitely isnt i mean this guy has to be hung up on his ex or just plain stupid) it would still be super not smart to do it with an ex(so many fish in the sea)
Hint: He is already cheating on you with his ex.
Lol he’s using you sorry you had to find out this way. But y’all young as hell and honestly at your age there’s not really a wide pool of men that are ready for something serious (even if they say so). I’m in the same age bracket as you. Girl. Trust me. I was fetishized by my exes and pressed to do things I didn’t wanna do too. My ex wanted to have a threesome (I didn’t agree) with another girl as well and used the excuse of “you’re hot and I wanna see someone else pleasing you because that would be hot” because he wanted to fuck this MINOR while being with me 😂
Anyway. The woman of choice being his ex is a HUUUGEEEE RED FLAG 🚩Sounds like he’s not over her, he’s been talking to her, and he’s thinking about her sexually. Yeah you might as well just have a good cry and leave now. Save yourself some trouble. Y’all sound sexually incompatible and if you find yourself having to compromise your boundaries/comfort to please your partner then you are not in the right relationship. Also some of your friends sound like freaks (not the good kind) for saying it would be hot (so it’s like, fuck your feelings I guess) and I think that’s well worth re-evaluating too. Welcome to adulthood 🥳
It’s not a question of whether it’s hot or not, it’s solely a question of whether it would be a healthy thing for you both.
You don’t want to do it and he sounds immature and probably wants to do it for the wrong reasons (and probably wouldn’t know how to handle it if it did happen)! 3somes can be awesome, but there’s nothing healthy about this particular situation for either of you.
As you said yourself, you aren’t on the same page here, that’s really the only aspect of this that matters.