I’m (35F) a foreigner in the USA. I’ve noticed significant cultural differences, especially in the dating scene.
When I’m interested in someone and feel that the attraction is mutual, I like to make it clear that I’m open to going on a date. I don’t mind telling a man that I’m interested in getting to know him or sharing my feelings. Due to language and cultural barriers, I prefer to be direct about my intentions. However, I worry that my approach might be perceived as too aggressive.
A bit about me: I consider myself attractive, have a successful career, and enjoy the finer experiences in life. I take great care of myself, both physically and mentally. I’m very friendly, social, and smile often. I’m self-aware, knowing my strengths and shortcomings.
This personality traits reflect into my romantic life as well. I’m not overly touchy or flirtatious when meeting someone for the first time. To make sure my feelings are understood, I choose to communicate them verbally. I also dont really follow conventional dating rules, like waiting a few days to text someone. If I’m interested, I’ll take the initiative and send a text. I’m not in a desperate search for a partner; I do get asked out frequently but am rarely interested in most people.
Is this approach ill-advised? I’d love to hear your opinions.
Edit: To clarify, I’m not randomly approaching men. These are the people I meet in a social setting where we exchange contact m information. Or if when we met in a social setting and the conversation is good, I tell them “I’d like to keep stay in touch” if they don’t take the first step to ask for my number
28 comments
As always it’s going to depend on your audience and the specifics of the approach. I suspect most men would be receptive to being approached but not everyone will. Personally it’s only happened to me a couple of times and the only time I found it off putting is when I was at a restaurant and the waitress brought it up multiple times, the first being when I first sat down. Once would have been fine but once you get a no just let it be.
Good luck out there.
I’m not sure if my opinion is very useful as an European expatriated in Australia but I would actually quite like it if more women were like you.
If the women doesn’t send me some kind of sign that she is interested I usually don’t make any move because I’m afraid of making them uncomfortable or making things awkward so I really enjoy when women send me a clear signal they are interested.
Plus given that I rarely get that it helps to boost my self confidence a bit. Aa
As a man, I like your straightforward approach. Some men might feel insecure about it, but see that as filtering em out. Shoot your shot
God bless you!
Dispense with the games and get right to the good stuff. I wish you good luck in your search!
Depends on the man, some like it and some might feel a little uncomfortable about it (especially around others). It’s happened to me before and I liked it, though.
Straightforward is great. The right guy will appreciate it. The wrong guy will be scared away (which is a good thing).
I think people ( both men and women) close to our age group should take this approach more often, and am somewhat surprised that they don’t. As a man, I would definitely be fine with a straightforward approach from a woman
I’m in the UK but by god I wish more people had this approach, I like people who are direct and know what they want. It makes life easier and saves anyone wasting their time
Please do this. Men everywhere thank you.
This all depends on how hot you are, sadly.
It’s definitely a better approach that I enjoy and respect way more. It lets me know exactly what to expect and motivates me to do the same.
As a man, we like when you let us know you’re interested.
Most guys I know like straight forward and it’s considered a green flag.
You pretty much described my dream scenario.
I wonder if maybe some men don’t like it just because its unexpected here and they’re not used to being approached by women in general and having to make the first movie.
I think it’s perfect, I wish there were more people like you around me. To be honest I would be surprised if anyone said this is bad from dude perspective. For average dudes like me it’s a relief as it removes guessing whether there’s mutual interest or if they’re only being friendly. Even for dudes who are super into traditional “men must take the lead” stuff, they would still appreciate that you show some interest at first. For you to intimidate someone with this, you need to sound like a scammer or sound like you’re going to steal their kidneys, I don’t think most people would find it intimidating but of course this is a guess.
I can’t think of a scenario, other than cases where this causes issues with your personal safety (like aggressive people), where someone would go “Man, I wish girls were more cryptic and less straightforward”.
my only comment is what is “being clear that you’re interested in a date?” because what is clear to some people is literally bonking them over the head with an “i’m interested” sign.
Yes, it might be seen as aggressive, and some guys might be turned off by it. Some guys would be delighted. Some guys would be cautious. Beware of the guy that is overly excited buy your type of approach. Because, those men tend use women the most. The also tend lead women on for months and years keeping them in situationships. If a guy is polite and cautious then it’s fine just take your time.
It’s only too much if they’re not interested in dating you. The same way with men to women. Not every single guy wants to go out with you. As long as you accept simple fact, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with your approach. You’ll meet someone you click with eventually by doing this.
That doesn’t sound intimidating at all, I don’t ask women out, I only date women who make that first move, so that’s ideal for me.
No, most men won’t find women being clear about their interest intimidating or aggressive.
What has your experience been like using this approach?
It’s the approach that I’ve started taking ¯_(ツ)_/¯ sitting around and waiting to be noticed hasn’t done me any favors.
You can go one step further and ask for a date yourself.
It’s appreciated
Give me someone direct over someone who plays games like we are still in high school.
I’ve been on dating apps and been sick of the back and forth and say something like “so are you asking me out on a date”? And men are like “this Is forward” lol.
I’m a woman and I’ve done this, but it’s backfired so often. A lot of times I feel like I’m just getting passive interest—the guy goes along with it because he’s bored or he only sees the possibility of sex, which isn’t exactly what I’m looking for.
Question for men: Do you say yes to any woman who approaches you, if she’s hot enough, regardless of what you’re looking for? Is the the same as the people who swipe right on everyone in OLD?
European here and there’s nothing better than a woman being straightforward. 🙂
Does it work? Are you in a relationship (or whatever) with any of these men? If so, then job done 😃