I’m getting tired of it but I don’t know what to do. I have one friend who I can go out with. He likes to go to bars and I tag along. That’s really all there is to do in this town anyway. Usually the whole time I go out I feel like I don’t fit in and I envy everyone who is having fun. I hate being rejected too, which happens all the time. I recognize a band on this guy’s shirt and try to talk to him about it, he barely entertains the conversation. I try to introduce myself to one of my coworker’s buddies and he doesn’t seem interested in knowing me. I make random eye contact with a pretty girl and she frowns and looks away.
I end up going home feeling like I wasted the night as a spectator of other people having fun. I feel like I don’t matter and I spend the whole next day trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong or why I’m so flawed, or how I’ll be single forever. I get that I should be confident and not care what other people think but the thought just doesn’t connect to my body. There are so many things I want to do that I’m missing out on because of my shitty social skills, but half the time I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.