My boyfriend (27M) and I (26F) have been together almost 4 years.
The first year was great, once we gotten into our second year it’s almost like it become work, he wouldn’t come on to me. So my therapist recommended doing a schedule week on week off type of things to come to each other so it’s “fair”. That did not work, I still was the only person coming on to him.
At 2.5 years we moved in together and it really hasn’t gotten better but it’s never been this bad. I told him I was sick of being the only person so I told him he needed to, and he hasn’t. It’s been 3 months. Kissing him feels like nothing, touches really don’t get me going, and the last time he tried something was rolling over and saying “do you want to” no touching/forepkay/etc but when he did that, it was like I wanted to run, I didn’t want to when I’ve been begging for him to have sex with me for months. It honestly feels like he’s my roommate. I truly love him and we get along as people really well.
TLDR: when you loose the spark, does it ever come back?
6 comments
Yes it does. Just think of other ways n imagine how you would get things done n feel. You’ll start getting feelings.
Under your circumstances, all the evidence suggests it’s time to move on. It’s literally been years like this. If things haven’t changed then I don’t see why any thing here that would suggest they will.
I mean, how much more time do you really need for things to change if they haven’t already? Sounds to me like it’s time for you to move on
“when you loose the spark, does it ever come back?” Probably not
He sounds immature. Moving in w him was not a good idea. I would move on and find someone who puts more effort into being with you.
If you get to point where you’re turned off by him that’s hard to reverse tbh….one thing to just not have a spark but it’s a whole other level to feel repelled by him
Maybe he is depressed? I’m just making a hypothesis.
The routine can take a toll on you, I don’t know your current situation and I am not a specialist but sometimes it can be caused by work, stress, fatigue.. depression has a whole lot of faces and maybe he isn’t even aware.
Not feeling the need for sex could be caused by depression. It depends on a lot of factors but communication is the key to understanding.
The spark can come back, but in most cases, it does not.
To get the spark back, you have to do the opposite of what you’d think would actually work.
Moving in with a lover , sharing a bed , getting pregnant, married, etc. Those will all destroy the relationship.
If living together, I’d have separate bedrooms and do like a trial separation. Take the expectations away and be your own person, and a spark can re-ignite.
After at least a few weeks of this, you can start to tell if you feel your connecting better or not. You’ll either feel you want him back in a way, or you’re glad you’re not with him and want someone else.
Remember that most couples stay together because it’s familiar and comfortable and not necessarily what they truly want, but all relationships take work from both sides. It will never be like the first year where it’s so easy.